Learning to treat myself well
- Thread starter ADFECTATIO
- Start date
Blondie
Respected Member
Sorry to hear this @ADFECTATIO. I've found that internet blockers are often self-deceiving because you think you're safe when in reality, you're not. I know they work for some here, which is great, but as for me, they just don't make the cut. In the end, we have to find ways to rely on ourselves and form the habits and discipline to move forward. It might be quote unquote harder, but in the end, it will make us stronger and test our resolve.
Don't be too hard on yourself, many folks here have experienced the same thing.
Best
Don't be too hard on yourself, many folks here have experienced the same thing.
Best
Too many former gamers end up treating them like games. Whatcha gonna do differently? Accountability? A therapist friend in recovery swears by this one: http://spaa-recovery.org/
ADFECTATIO
Member
Reboot: 1 d
Deep Work: 3.5 h
Deep Work: 3.5 h
It's tough to apply the brakes. It sounds like you need daily support for a while. Here are 2 options, but you may be aware of others.
Blondie
Respected Member
Let's do this @ADFECTATIO!
Blondie
Respected Member
Nice job on both counts @ADFECTATIO.
ADFECTATIO
Member
Day 0 yesterday
ADFECTATIO
Member
I deleted all the entrys in this tread, because I was ashamed. I thought, I had shared too much about my private life... I wanted to forget about the reboot and everything. And sometimes I still wonder: Would it be better to stop counting the days? I dont know...
I broke up from my girl - the relationship was not working. I tried to fix it, she pulled away more and more until it got really toxic. I didnt go to the gym, I didnt study - actually - the sad thing is, I kind of lost 6 months with this bullshit... Should have broken up in January, but tried to fix it and only after much more damage found the balls to end it in June / July.
Since then I am working on myself again. And it got really better. Invest a lot of time into studying, but I am still not happy with myself - still not getting good grades - and one big exam that is holding me up... I might not have passed it and have to redo it again. And I dont want to "just pass" the exams anymore - I want to feel proud about myself...
Started also going to the gym... different workout program, doing some bodybuilding exercises I have never done bevore, still combined with the heavy lifts.
My streak is crappy... like the last weeks it was 6 - 0 - 3 - 0 - 6 - 0 - 3 aaand today I relapsed and am back at 0 again. But I am trying to not let myself down... the thing is, normally I slip and then a few days go buy where I feel like shit and dont get anything done - but today I went to the gym after the setback, and I was astonished about the good workout I got out...
Day 0
Deep Work: 2,5 h
Gym done
I broke up from my girl - the relationship was not working. I tried to fix it, she pulled away more and more until it got really toxic. I didnt go to the gym, I didnt study - actually - the sad thing is, I kind of lost 6 months with this bullshit... Should have broken up in January, but tried to fix it and only after much more damage found the balls to end it in June / July.
Since then I am working on myself again. And it got really better. Invest a lot of time into studying, but I am still not happy with myself - still not getting good grades - and one big exam that is holding me up... I might not have passed it and have to redo it again. And I dont want to "just pass" the exams anymore - I want to feel proud about myself...
Started also going to the gym... different workout program, doing some bodybuilding exercises I have never done bevore, still combined with the heavy lifts.
My streak is crappy... like the last weeks it was 6 - 0 - 3 - 0 - 6 - 0 - 3 aaand today I relapsed and am back at 0 again. But I am trying to not let myself down... the thing is, normally I slip and then a few days go buy where I feel like shit and dont get anything done - but today I went to the gym after the setback, and I was astonished about the good workout I got out...
Day 0
Deep Work: 2,5 h
Gym done
BrassBalls707
Active Member
Give yourself time to grieve these losses. I understand you're dissatisfied with a lot of things in your life at the moment, and these stressors require your attention. As it stands, you have a herculean amount of pressure on you. Just consider what troubles you addressed in your last post. Shame from oversharing, doubts about your process, erasing your journal, studying perfectionism, expectations, challenging yourself physically, a breakup, toxicity, gym guilt, PMO backslides...
Managing your expectations may come with a great deal of disappointment. 'Losing' one such idealistic expectation can be grieved for as well. Don't be afraid to set the bar lower so you can build upward momentum. If you put the bar too high to begin with, you'll have ran yourself ragged when or if you reach it. What energy will remain to truly live your achievements, then? Be compassionate towards yourself and absolutely dismantle these troubles as you continue your climb. You sound like a tenacious motherfucker when it comes to love and I recognize that of myself in you. That's why I wholeheartedly believe you are capable of applying the very same doggedness to your other struggles. What I'm trying to say is that there's no benefit to having these troubles weigh you down. As opposed to physical weights, mental and emotional ones don't make your stronger over time. They can make you bitter, hopeless, depressed... or make you feel some other negative way. This is fuel for the all-consuming fire of PMO. As a fellow rebooter, that reads like a textbook fire hazard. Drag these out into the cold and lay them bare. See how they still smolder.
As you have rightly emphasized, it pays to challenge these negative apperceptions or feelings! You have firsthand experience that our personal beliefs needn't be true. A backslide can be reduced to a misstep, or prevented altogether. This is a significant step in the good direction. Keep this up!
I'm rootin' n tootin' for you dude. Count your Ws, not just the Ls.
Onwards!
ADFECTATIO
Member
Thank you for your kind words!
I know, that lowering the bar is a good way to build up momentum - I had success with it already, it feels good to have those reachable goals... but then I ramped it up, because I have to - because I feel so far behind and the field I am in takes a lot of effort!
At the moment I don't know how and what to answer. I am just thankful you took your time and wrote a message.
Situation:
Was working long shifts since saturday and on wednesday I reached the 6 day mark and slipped again...
Yesterday I was at home and wanted / had to / was allowed to study... and I procrastinated again... fell into a hole. Again.
Today I was lying in bed the whole morning. I got up. I am trying to get something done.
Kept up my gym routine.
Day 0
I know, that lowering the bar is a good way to build up momentum - I had success with it already, it feels good to have those reachable goals... but then I ramped it up, because I have to - because I feel so far behind and the field I am in takes a lot of effort!
At the moment I don't know how and what to answer. I am just thankful you took your time and wrote a message.
Situation:
Was working long shifts since saturday and on wednesday I reached the 6 day mark and slipped again...
Yesterday I was at home and wanted / had to / was allowed to study... and I procrastinated again... fell into a hole. Again.
Today I was lying in bed the whole morning. I got up. I am trying to get something done.
Kept up my gym routine.
Day 0
ADFECTATIO
Member
3 days
Sat down and wrote diary entrys - tried to be a friend to myself, listend to my emotional self - gave me room to vent and looked rational at the stuff... it was good to be present with me and to be there for me.
Learning to treat myself well....
Sat down and wrote diary entrys - tried to be a friend to myself, listend to my emotional self - gave me room to vent and looked rational at the stuff... it was good to be present with me and to be there for me.
Learning to treat myself well....
ADFECTATIO
Member
4 days
3,5 h deep work
This week I was really deep down in the rut. Fuck man. I escaped from Mo to Thursday completele in the Youtube and Series/Movies escapism. I got lost... Then on Thursday I startet crawling out of this hole. Slowly. Friday I was getting better. Sat down, talked nice to me. If I dont care about myself, who else will? I am the only person to get me out and trough this stuff.
And man. I am so glad, I dont have to do this!
Yesterday I visualized today, and made a plan - which I roughly followed today. Now I am heading of to my night shift.
3,5 h deep work
This week I was really deep down in the rut. Fuck man. I escaped from Mo to Thursday completele in the Youtube and Series/Movies escapism. I got lost... Then on Thursday I startet crawling out of this hole. Slowly. Friday I was getting better. Sat down, talked nice to me. If I dont care about myself, who else will? I am the only person to get me out and trough this stuff.
And man. I am so glad, I dont have to do this!
Yesterday I visualized today, and made a plan - which I roughly followed today. Now I am heading of to my night shift.
ADFECTATIO
Member
5 days
0,5 h Deep work
Feeling good, altough really tired.
Some unsorted random thoughts:
Sometimes I think doing the right thing is way easier than procrastinating. I mean - at the end I do this for me, and there is a right or wrong - so when I fuck up and let myself down, I only hurt myself... - and when it comes to girls,.. I put in a lot of efford to make a relationship work - sometimes in the last few days I thought about "dating" myself - like if I would put in that amount of effort I put in trying to safe my last relationship... man, thats something... So every study session is a gift, a sweet present I give my future self - every workout I do shapes my body and mind and makes me smile when I look in the mirror....
Just some unsortet stuff in my head...
Tomorrow will be a great day! Day 6 is the day I was relapsing the last months - couldnt get further than 6 days! I will present that fucking gift to myself tomorrow - hell and if I just lay down and sleep the whole day, go for walk or whatever - everything is way better than relapsing! I got this!
0,5 h Deep work
Feeling good, altough really tired.
Some unsorted random thoughts:
Sometimes I think doing the right thing is way easier than procrastinating. I mean - at the end I do this for me, and there is a right or wrong - so when I fuck up and let myself down, I only hurt myself... - and when it comes to girls,.. I put in a lot of efford to make a relationship work - sometimes in the last few days I thought about "dating" myself - like if I would put in that amount of effort I put in trying to safe my last relationship... man, thats something... So every study session is a gift, a sweet present I give my future self - every workout I do shapes my body and mind and makes me smile when I look in the mirror....
Just some unsortet stuff in my head...
Tomorrow will be a great day! Day 6 is the day I was relapsing the last months - couldnt get further than 6 days! I will present that fucking gift to myself tomorrow - hell and if I just lay down and sleep the whole day, go for walk or whatever - everything is way better than relapsing! I got this!
ADFECTATIO
Member
0 days.
Relapsed in the afternoon - was getting down, trying to nap, but took my phone → Youtube → Thought of P. → Peeked → Tried relaxing, but I think I should have focused more on getting sth done, idk... → peeked more and had 2 full on PMO relapses.
Relapsed in the afternoon - was getting down, trying to nap, but took my phone → Youtube → Thought of P. → Peeked → Tried relaxing, but I think I should have focused more on getting sth done, idk... → peeked more and had 2 full on PMO relapses.
ADFECTATIO
Member
Got to 5 → on Sundy 0, yesterday and today as well.
Day 0.
I must change.
Day 0.
I must change.
BrassBalls707
Active Member
Keep it up @ADFECTATIO
! No time like the present! This is a continuous fight, take it one day at a time.What lead to relapse on Sunday, yesterday and today?
ADFECTATIO
Member
1 day
4.5 h Deep Work → Made Progress
Yep - continous! Working on changing my thoughts - I try to get from "I have to do this and that" to a state of "I want to" - I mean - a clean life is so much richer and better and also way easier than relapsing all the time and feeling defeated.... its also way better to sit down, focus deeply and study - than I dont have to be scared of these exames, my grades will get better, I will get freedom and finish faster - also I build up career capital and free time to go to the gym - so the clean and disciplined life is way better....
Today I did not force myself. I did not say "aargh you have to do this..." - instead I visualized options: Option one - do it like the other days: escapism, youtube PMO... how will I feel? How will I be in a few weeks? Will I do a good job like this? Nah - that FELT crappy.
And then on the other side I visualized sitting down, focusing on studying - and getting a good grade - and man, that FELT so much better - I wanted to be that guy. Learning to go at the day with a good attitude!
Causes for the relapse on sunday: I came home from a 24 h shift and was very tired - still tried to study, which was crappy and then I was disappointed because I lost again and had a relapse... the other days were "oh I already fucked up, I am no good, what does it even matter...."
4.5 h Deep Work → Made Progress
Yep - continous! Working on changing my thoughts - I try to get from "I have to do this and that" to a state of "I want to" - I mean - a clean life is so much richer and better and also way easier than relapsing all the time and feeling defeated.... its also way better to sit down, focus deeply and study - than I dont have to be scared of these exames, my grades will get better, I will get freedom and finish faster - also I build up career capital and free time to go to the gym - so the clean and disciplined life is way better....
Today I did not force myself. I did not say "aargh you have to do this..." - instead I visualized options: Option one - do it like the other days: escapism, youtube PMO... how will I feel? How will I be in a few weeks? Will I do a good job like this? Nah - that FELT crappy.
And then on the other side I visualized sitting down, focusing on studying - and getting a good grade - and man, that FELT so much better - I wanted to be that guy. Learning to go at the day with a good attitude!
Causes for the relapse on sunday: I came home from a 24 h shift and was very tired - still tried to study, which was crappy and then I was disappointed because I lost again and had a relapse... the other days were "oh I already fucked up, I am no good, what does it even matter...."
ADFECTATIO
Member
0 days
coming here to be accountable. I had a really good start with deep work this morning - got a lot done - then I let loose during lunch time. Instead of eating at the kitchen table I ate infront of the PC and watched Youtube... I got pulled in and extended my brake - afterwards I mage a coffee and whilest doing that I got triggered... first it was just a thought...then the autopilot took over - and whooom the rest is history... full on relapse.
Now my "normal routine" would be to bave in pity and eat and watch more youtube and videos... because I lost today... instead of that I will write a positive entry in my diary, take a deep breath and go on with my day.
coming here to be accountable. I had a really good start with deep work this morning - got a lot done - then I let loose during lunch time. Instead of eating at the kitchen table I ate infront of the PC and watched Youtube... I got pulled in and extended my brake - afterwards I mage a coffee and whilest doing that I got triggered... first it was just a thought...then the autopilot took over - and whooom the rest is history... full on relapse.
Now my "normal routine" would be to bave in pity and eat and watch more youtube and videos... because I lost today... instead of that I will write a positive entry in my diary, take a deep breath and go on with my day.