Learning to treat myself well

[ADFECTATIO]

@cookiemonster Thank you so much for your reply - it actually means sth to me!

Had an okay. night of rest - did the math right now, and if I follow a disciplined routine, I could fight for 5 h deep work today and could go the gym in the evening!

Thats an awesome plan - because the routine gives me structure. I will not quit from this exam, and even if I fail - I have 2 other trys. The signal, that I won't quit, is important! I will fight my way out of the bad days.

And I also appreciate the progress I am making: The study consistency gets better, I get sth done, I did not fall off the path for nearly two weeks. Man I can be proud of myself!

Fuck porn, fuck escapism! I love my life and I am determined to give it my best!

 

[ADFECTATIO]

Reboot: 12 d
Baseline: 2 d
Digital Minimalism: 0 d - I watched YT for an hour the evening and throughout the day some "motivational" videos
Deep Work: 3.5 h

Today I was fighting for the focused hours. But I could not get more than 3.5 h done - that was already pretty heavy on me. Also I didn't want to study long in the evening, because I am trying to get up earlier and to get into a routine now that there are no more lectures.

Managed to go to the gym and had a good workout. From now on I am working out on my own. My gymbro left for the summer.

For tomorrow I still keep the 5 hour goal! I will fight for it - until I reach it and then I will keep putting out the 5 hour days and with that I will get the exam done. Talking about that: I am considering to write the exam in august because I dont want to waste this try - and after seeing today what I still did not look at once, I think its impossible to pass it.

I watched YT in the evening and also some motivational videos throughout the day - and I realized that this is a very slippery slope. So just in case, I will not watch any video tomorrow. I'd rather have a nice evening and relax while reading a good book.

Fuck porn. Fuck escapism! That is my life! I am making the best out of it!
I am proud of the progress in the gym. I am proud of the progress with studying! I am proud of the 12 days steak! So fuck you - I won't let any pixeled bullshit take this from me! NO! I put too much damn work, struggle and failure to be at this point right now!
I will win tomorrow!

 

[cookiemonster]

You're doing great. A little video here or there isn't the end of the world but I agree with your sentiment that mustn't let any pixeled bullshit steal away our attention and time. You got this!

 

[ADFECTATIO]

Haha cookie - I was answering on your thread first and I was kind of critically and now I came over here and you wrote some nice words of encouragement Thank you man! I hope you see the points I have tried to make. We got this!

The goals for today are clear:
- No Videos, No music - focus on the deep work and concentration. I will fight for the 5 h of deep work. I will set goals and reach them - this will give me a boost of motivation and when I am done in the evening I will feel like a king, because I finally won this battle.
- I will have around 30 min of thinking in the afternoon: I don't want to quit from the exam, but it is very clear, that I won't pass it. And therefore I don't want to waste one try... you know, it's my life thats on the line here: I will be a doctor and I will play this med school game wisely!
- Fuck Porn, fuck YT and fuck this attention media! I love my life and I want to be present and life it the best way I can. I do this for me, for my family and in order to be a role model for my circle! I have a duty!

Let's go!

 

[ADFECTATIO]

Reboot: 13 d
Baseline: 3 d
Digital Minimalism: 1 d
Deep Work: 5.0 h - FUCK YEAH!!!!!!!!!

So! Big win! Since 31.05. the first time I reached the 5 hour mark again! Yes! The last hour was a battle - my brain didn't want to take any more knowledge in, but I enforced my willpower and pushed through. Afterwards it was an awesome feeling!
I was listening to zyzz music afterwards and really feeling so awesome!
But, sure, I will stay humble: "No one cares about yesterday, what have you done today to better yourself?" - Tomorrow the same battle starts again. Reaching the 5 h mark and pushing the intensity and the focus. More and more - and I will fight for a consistency!

I have to! Because today I chose to opt out of the exam - the next possibility to take it is in august. That leaves me with around 50 days to study more. Thats not much - I am slowly seeing HOW much it really is. I will take it one day at a time - I have a plan in my head - and I will try for the 5 h during the weekdays - and on the weekend and on the one week I will visit my parents, I will stick to the baseline.

Rebootwise: Man I was so focused and stressed with uni, no time and no need for procrastination. I am fighting this battle, I am leveling up my real life status, I really don't care about any pixels!

No videos have been watched.

Tomorrow:
Same battlefield: No P, no Psubs - fuck no videos - I don't fucking care about this shit! In the evening the girl invited me to her place, she wants to cook for me (so awesome!), therefore time to reach the 5 h deep work mark is limited - I will have to get up early and be disciplined with my breaks. But it's worth the effort!
It is exactly like in the gym: It fucking sucks - until you reach your goals, get better and see progress - then, and only then! - all of the suffering pays off! If the point of progress ans success is not reached, the pain will stay forever! Pain is only temporary when victory is earned.

I love my life - and I am the master of my fate, the captain of my soul! I fight for a righteous, strong life! I keep my thoughts clean, I keep my life deep and calm - keep it boring, so that I find joy and pleasure in the hard things. Bring it on.

 

[ADFECTATIO]

Good morning.

My sleep these days is not good - I am drinking 1 cup of coffee in the morning, and I feel it taking away some of my sleep quality. I have to get rid of it again - but quitting caffeine - whuu thats a battle. I did it a few times - and I will do it again - and then I have to remember not to start again...

Whatever. Does not matter. Lets become a professional "not-giving-a-fuck-do-it-anyway" - the goal for today is clear: Achieve the 5 h goal, but I won't focus on the time so much - instead I will set goals and work with a countdown timer in order to keep me alert and fast paced.

Fight for a free life!
No P, no more videos today - I don't care about that pixels. I have a duty to fulfill - and today matters - the days are only a few and the exam is huge! I also study this stuff, to become better. I don't want to be in the middle part of my class - I want to be at the top.
There come huge rewards from putting in the discipline and energy:

1. I have a better understanding and can maybe take the time to attend the lectures
2. The faster I finish the courses, the faster I can get into the more advanced courses
3. The better I study now, the more I push my limits, the far less those fucking anatomy profs can hurt me!

I not only do this because of myself. I do it for my family: to be in balance and strong - so they are sure I am doing good and that I can be there for them, when they need me. I do it for my friends - they are also struggeling - and we need more power and positive energy in the group!

PS: Managed to stretch out a bit and read 12 pages in the evening yesterday.

 

[ADFECTATIO]

Reboot: 14 d
Baseline: 4 d
Digital Minimalism: 2 d
Deep Work: 5.0 h

Update to yesterday: Did the 5 h deep work - was super focused and I start seeing progress with the topics - and that kicked of more willpower to get it done.
I was invited to the girl last evening - and well, we made dinner, walked through the city and in the end I stayed at her place. I am thinkig, that I will be more disciplined in the future - because now I am tired and its already pretty late.
Will be a battle to reach the 5h today and also go to the gym - but if I manage this hurtle - damn! That would be fine!

So - fuck Porn, fuck esacapism - aint nobody got time for that! Stay hard!
I got way better things to do and I am looking forward to the sweet feeling of another day accomplished!

 

[Androg]

Reboot: 14 d
Baseline: 4 d
Digital Minimalism: 2 d
Deep Work: 5.0 h

Update to yesterday: Did the 5 h deep work - was super focused and I start seeing progress with the topics - and that kicked of more willpower to get it done.
I was invited to the girl last evening - and well, we made dinner, walked through the city and in the end I stayed at her place. I am thinkig, that I will be more disciplined in the future - because now I am tired and its already pretty late.
Will be a battle to reach the 5h today and also go to the gym - but if I manage this hurtle - damn! That would be fine!

So - fuck Porn, fuck esacapism - aint nobody got time for that! Stay hard!
I got way better things to do and I am looking forward to the sweet feeling of another day accomplished!

A tantra teacher friend of mine would tell you that time with the girl is good, but don’t force yourself to climax. Conserve your energy for your exam.

 

[ADFECTATIO]

@Androg - thats an interesting idea, maybe I try to not have an orgasm...

I come here to reassure myself. I managed the baseline. Slept befor lunch a bit - but now its 1730 h - I got 1,5 h done. Puh. I would love to quit, I feel tired. I was watching YT Videos here and there - first good stuff (Davis Goggins) but then I slipped into the bullshit cycle I USED (!!!) to indulge in.
But no! Fuck the escapism! I did the Baseline - thats a big win! Now its a perfect time to get the workout in. And afterwards - I don't know if I can fit in 3,5 h focused styuding. But do I really want to quit right now? No. Let me see. I am pretty sure, that I can pack my bag and go to the gym. Then I might see - maybe I will not be that bad. And afterwars - I might just try for half an hour - I will see.
It is all better than feeling sorry for being tired.

I stop watching videos right now. No more YT today and also not tomorrow. That is something I commit to!

 

[ADFECTATIO]

Reboot: 15 d
Baseline: 5 d
Digital Minimalism: 0 d
Deep Work: 1.5 h

I went to the gym, managed to get a decent workout done. I appreciate the strong habits I have developed over the last months. I am also proud of getting the baseline done - and yes: It does bother me to not have done the full 5 hours.

If I study enough and focused, its way more fun and fulfilling and I then see progress - which will motivate me! So yeah. Thats for today. Rebootwise it's going great. I feel so much better with the busy life I have now. Man - but today a friend of mine was really pissed because I quit the exam on friday... I really have to level up my study game! This will be an awesome summer and I will level up my productivity and be super strong the next semester!

I see the videos kreeping in, when I am tired → therefore: no videos tomorrow. I love having a free evening, after finishing my study goal. Therefore tomorrow I will get up early and get it going. I can do it.

 

[ADFECTATIO]

Another day. Same goals.

Today I try to aim for 5,25 h - but if I get 5 h done, I am still satisfied. I want to make progress!!!

This nights sleep was also very fucked up and bad. Today will be day 1 of no caffeine! This is a fucker, too!

I commit to focus on studying without any videos the whole day. I don't need those videos, they lead to longer brakes and take my thoughts away from the study topic, therefore I make it harder for me. No no! I love to be a productive student!

Fuck porn and all its substitutes! Fuck the attention media! I will stay clean, won't look for any substitutes or think any thoughts in this direction. I focus on what is really important.
And in the evening I will meet a collegue - so time is limited. Time to get going!

 

[ADFECTATIO]

Reboot: 0 d
Baseline: 0 d
Digital Minimalism: 0 d
Deep Work: 0.5 h

Got on the PC in the morning, to start working - but then slipped away into watching videos, more and more - until I relapsed to some softcore YT video... I visited the hub later, but luckily I found the P on there fucking disgusting. Was mad about me - and watched more YT in order to escape the bad thoughts.

But no. Maybe this is a sign to take rest more serious... Maybe I need a break. A few days away from trying to study... Get some sleep in...
I managed the day without caffeine.

Will go to bed now and take care of me tomorrow.

 

[cookiemonster]

I read this post this morning when getting up to go to the gym. I did my gym session, realised how tired I was, finished my session, came back home, and went to sleep again.

I'm so utterly useless when I'm tired. My ability to stay off social media goes off the rails. I eat crappy food. I can't work. I MO and struggle to stay on track with the reboot. You're not the only one.

I wouldn't beat yourself up about this one. You might find that you're sleep deprived, how many hours have you been getting? If you approach getting enough sleep with the same enthusiasm as you've been approaching other things it might set you up to completely crush it - be both productive and also feel good.

You've got this, keep coming to the forum, keep posting every day, keep figuring out the best approach.

 

[ADFECTATIO]

Thank you for your kind words cookie.
Yes I was very sleep deprived, I am still. My sleep is not good these days, because I got used to sleep in a weird way, with the pillow over my face - so that its warm on the eyes and I don't hear anything.... Now I am so used to this, that it is super hard to sleep "normal" - and to be honest, I don't want to be sleeping with a pillow over my face when I am with the girl or when I am resting while on nightshift with the ambulance.
So after the shitty night I had next to the girl I started sleeping without the pillow over my face - or at least I tried...

The thing is - and therefore also the tread title: "Learning to treat myself well" - I did one mistake again: Started listening too much goggins and motivational crap, totally didn't allow myself any breaks and burned out. Thats crap. Yes I am proud of the baseline - but a year ago I had a routine in which I was working 5 - 6 h deep work on Mo - Fr (often Sa as well), but I had one free day fix a week. And on that free day I planned fun stuff.

This morning I wake up super early, and ended up relapsing to P on the phone. Still did not enjoy the video - ha! Thats great. After this short period of time I love to find these P videos weird and unpleasant. So: Just relax, don't get used to them again and I am all good.

Today I will take it slow. I will take my time to figure out a plan for the next weeks, a plan that has both: quality and enough rest and also around 20 - 25 h deep work a week.
I also really need a study plan. The exam is way too big and I get lost without one.

I will come here and post regulary, I will get better and I will get the exam done in august, because I will have a great summer studying a lot! I got this!
Fuck porn and fuck the attention media - you have stolen way too much lifetime! Fuck you!

 

[ADFECTATIO]

Reboot: 0 d
Baseline: 0 d
Digital Minimalism: 0 d
Deep Work: 0 - planned free day.

Wow. What a zero counter.
Had another slip this morning, on the pc full pmo - after I watched more YT and tried to escape my shame... Well this doesn't lead anywhere.
I shut down the pc afterwards, restet a bit on the bed and went to the gym.

Afterwars I was busy meeting some friends.

I am proud I managed to go to the gym - but I am super disappointed about the loss. I wont let that bring me down!

Fuck porn! This shit is really CRACK! One tiny slip - and baaammm!! the fucking addiction is holding on again! But no - fuck you! NO more! I will built up a decent streak again, starting tomorrow.

I have a purpose in live and I won't let this bullshit take my life away from me!

 

[cookiemonster]

All I want to see from you is a "1 d" no porn counter. Once you get back on track you'll have momentum. You can do this. Get up, shake yourself off, break the cycle.

Then you can be on another winning streak again.

All you need is a circuit breaker.

I know you can do this, you know you can do this.

Let's make it happen.

 

[ADFECTATIO]

Hei and good morning!
Yes cookie - you will get 1 d clean - no problemo We got this!
The next two days will be very interesting

The next two days I will be super busy, working and also travelling to my hometown - that will be great and make reaching the one day streak quiete easy. I will utilize the momentum to get another good streak going!

 

[cookiemonster]

How are we doing?

 

[ADFECTATIO]

Reboot: 3 d
Holiday at my parents place

Hei thanks for checking in on me!
Its been fairly easy the last days, because I had nightship on the ambulance, witch was a lot of fun. Then I had a really long travel to my hometown and have been spending the day today with my family.

Its going to be a busy week. I have planned a lot of visits and meetups with old friends.

We got this.

 

[ADFECTATIO]

Reboot: 7 d

Today I travelled back to my place.
The week back at home was awesome - but I was also really happy to get back to the country I now life in. I really like it here more than the place I come from.

Now its time to get back on track and to get things going.

Ah one thing: Back home, one evening I went out drinking wine with some friends - and later I was half asleep in bed and MOed... well - I don't think thats bad. It was a slip, yes, but I kind of neglect it, because I dont usually drink often and yeah - whatever. I MOed once, I don't give a fuck about it, just wanted to tell you.