Learning to treat myself well

ADFECTATIO

ADFECTATIO

Active Member
Good morning.
New day. I commit to a P and PSub free day. Easy peasy. I got this.
I already made a plan for the day, which I will follow now.

In the afternoon another nightshift starts and tomorrow I will meet up with the girl - so a busy weekend, no time for P. And to be honest: I don't want to watch P, I am so happy and free without it. I love my life and I want to be active and achieve my goals!
 
ADFECTATIO

ADFECTATIO

Active Member
And there are some more things I would like to add.

I am now back after the holidy. Last time I studied for the exam, I paniced and got lost in the escapism. It is summertime - and from last year I know, staying at the campus during summer time when literally no one else is there, is hard. So I have to be smart and strategize.

Just a few key words to remind myself:
  • You can slip up - you can fall into the same hole you fell in last summer - and from whitch you are not completely free yet! Therefore be careful. You know: Watching dumb shit on youtube fucks with your motivation and discipline. You know that - so don't go this road. One little slip here can quickly lead to a big relapse and binge for weeks afterwards. You DO NOT have the time for this fuck up! This is hell. No!
  • Look at the light:
    • You have time. You don't have courses: So get into a routine. You have ambulance ships on weekend - so maybe try to take the weekends free - spend some time with the girl.
    • Set up a goal orientated study plan. Focus more on those goals not only on the deep work time!
    • If you can manage the next 4 - 5 weeks, you will pass the exam with a great grade. And you will have a great summer month. You are always happy, when you are disciplined. It sounds like a great plan: Study during the weekdays really hard. Take the evenings off - clear shut off time. Mo, Tue, Fr is Gym day.
    • Spend your freetime wisely: Deep play presides deep work.

I got this.
 
ADFECTATIO

ADFECTATIO

Active Member
Reboot: 9 d
Digital Minimalism: 1 d

Good morning. The weekend was exhausting, but interesting.
On saturday I could not keep clean from the YT Videos and I let myself slip into a bit of escapism. This was not good - I did't treat myself well there. I had no profit from that - just negative impact. Therefore it is super important to stay away from these useless videos today. I gain absolutely nothing from it.

Today is the official start of the study period. I got this. I go there step by step.

Goals for today is to stay clean from P and Psubs and also from dumb distraction. It's time to get real and to dive deep into concentration.
 
ADFECTATIO

ADFECTATIO

Active Member
Reboot: 10 d
Digital Minimalism: 0 d
Deep work: 2,5 h

Had a bad start in the morning - watched youtube until lunchtime. Then headed to university and had a productive study afternoon.
The evening was spent in front of YT again.

I promise myself to do better tomorrow.

The good thing is: I set up a study plan and I followed the tasks for today.
 
Androg

Androg

Administrator
Admin
Moderator
I guess because I'm a dinosaur, I find it especially horrifying that someone with such a magnificent future ahead of him can while away an entire morning in such an activity. Truly, screen addiction is a ghastly curse. Seriously, it's like an evil spell that steals not only people's present lives, but also their bright futures. 😔
 
ADFECTATIO

ADFECTATIO

Active Member
Thank you for your truth androg!

Man. It sucks. I will write more metascript entrys in my own journal and will put the effort in, to optimize this behaviour.

This night I woke up super horny, was kind of jerking off - but could calm myself and didn't do it. But in the morning I was dreading... and I jerked off under the shower... after that slip I lost the morning into Youtube again. I feel ashamed. Also I was slipping hard for a few minutes and visited a P site. But because I was shocked about that slip and corrected it - I would like to keep my streak going. Because avoiding the full on relapse is also a great win for me.

But - if sth like that happens again this week I have to reset my counter.

In order to avoid this, I will get up earlier tomorrow, write my diary entry at home and head out to university then. I found a nice, cool spot to study. I am also here again this afternoon.

Later that day, I am meeting up the girl again. She is so cute and caring! I am really happy to be able to see her!
 
Androg

Androg

Administrator
Admin
Moderator
Would a different kind of accountability help you get some traction? Maybe an online recovery group that is structured?
 
Androg

Androg

Administrator
Admin
Moderator
Did you see this, from Brutus's post?

Most of my relapses occurred because of browsing YouTube. To curb this I had to delete the app on my phone and block the website on my PC. It really does help to restrict access to it. I can still turn the internet blocker off but doing so gives enough time to ask the question "do I really want to waste the next few hours mindlessly browsing?" I also have an add on for my PC called DF YouTube (distraction free YouTube). It hides all video suggestions and makes the homepage blank. I literally can’t scroll endlessly. I have to search for videos manually. It's really helped me with my semi addiction to YouTube.
Click to expand...
 
ADFECTATIO

ADFECTATIO

Active Member
Reboot: 11 d
Digital Minimalism: 0 d
Deep work: 1,75 h
Baseline: 2d

Yes, I already have blocked YT again. I have once paied for the "cold turkey"blocker - but I have mixed feelings about it... It only works, if I see it as an additional safety thing - but its not a solution to the problem. The solution is to reprogram my mind.

Had a relatively oK afternoon. The evening with the girl was great.
Will go to bed now fast.

Plan for tomorrow: Get up earlier - try to get going to uni as fast as possible and study there. Should be doable to get a 5 h day done. And then in the evening I will check out the gym again - I had a injury and if that is clear - I will put out a workout again.
 
ADFECTATIO

ADFECTATIO

Active Member
Catastrophy.
Reboot: 0 d

Full on PMO relapses, multiple times. Internet blocks are not working: There is a kick in finding ways around them - they provide a false safety for me. I relapsed in the morning. Then multiple times throughout the day.

Fuck.
 
Blondie

Blondie

Respected Member
Sorry to hear this @ADFECTATIO. I've found that internet blockers are often self-deceiving because you think you're safe when in reality, you're not. I know they work for some here, which is great, but as for me, they just don't make the cut. In the end, we have to find ways to rely on ourselves and form the habits and discipline to move forward. It might be quote unquote harder, but in the end, it will make us stronger and test our resolve.

Don't be too hard on yourself, many folks here have experienced the same thing.

Best
 
ADFECTATIO

ADFECTATIO

Active Member
Relapsed on monday.

Activated structured and better internet restrictions. Had a good day studying yesterday, but experienced some ED during sex with my girl. I could not enjoy the lovemaking - and that was very terrible.
 
ADFECTATIO

ADFECTATIO

Active Member
Had a 6 day streak.
Relapsed last sunday because I was super tired and tried to force myself to study - went on autopilot.

Today I struggeled with fear and panic because of the upcoming exam - I opened up a P site, but shut it down, because I thought of the girl and that I really like her and that I want a good relationship with her - so I quit the page and went out the house.

I stopped counting days since sunday.
 
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