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Deleted member 29199
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Day 6: Clean (No PMO)
D
Deleted member 29199
Guest
Did MO just now. It's midnight here. I was horny the whole night. As it is summer around here I was naturally in less clothes than I usually am. I went to bad quite late today also (2 am, because of study) and was feeling horny since the moment.
I finally ended up touching myself and the moment I touched myself I knew this streak lost. But the thing is this horniness wasn't triggered by porn induced thoughts as I didn't had porn thoughts before doing the deed nor did I had to use any porn fantasy whatsoever to O. It was all quite natural and I'm not generally feeling as bad as I used to feel. Still I will reset my clock because as ladysudan pointed out abstinence from MO is important for anyone for 30 days and I want better self control over myself too as MO leads to PMO and I don't want to keep continue doing MO anyway.
PS- I made it through day 7 but relapsed in the start of day 8.
Update: Ended up relapsing. I sexted with a girl and one thing lead to another. I got some nudes from her during that time and yeah. I guess what I wrote before was just bs. I really need to practice self-control.
I finally ended up touching myself and the moment I touched myself I knew this streak lost. But the thing is this horniness wasn't triggered by porn induced thoughts as I didn't had porn thoughts before doing the deed nor did I had to use any porn fantasy whatsoever to O. It was all quite natural and I'm not generally feeling as bad as I used to feel. Still I will reset my clock because as ladysudan pointed out abstinence from MO is important for anyone for 30 days and I want better self control over myself too as MO leads to PMO and I don't want to keep continue doing MO anyway.
PS- I made it through day 7 but relapsed in the start of day 8.
Update: Ended up relapsing. I sexted with a girl and one thing lead to another. I got some nudes from her during that time and yeah. I guess what I wrote before was just bs. I really need to practice self-control.
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RobertSwinton
New Member
Ok,i get you...
D
Deleted member 29199
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Hello! I know I haven't updated this thread in a long time. So here's an update.
First of all, No. I haven't broken any streaks or anything. On contrary I've relapsed and engaged in sexual stuff with other people online which I'm not proud of. The last week was crazy and I don't know what got on me but I was just spending lots of time doing these stuff. I know this doesn't sound like something I feel guilt of and I will tell you why because I only confronted the truth a few days ago.
It was because the things I was watching was soft porn (n*des, shorts) and sexting with other people. I actually realised my mind don't feels any guilt (unless I was doing it very much) on these things unlike when I was watching porn of different varieties. As soon as I watch porn there's a guilt and sadness that I feel. But the same thing wasn't happening with soft stuff. I was actually more aroused with these stuff. That's why I guess I was out of control for a few days.
But the realisation hit me one day that this is the same problem when I was in the middle of doing the deed and I don't know how but suddenly there was an inner voice that just could be my conscious mind questioning me or making me think about my actions. I had a string of questions going in my mind right then like, Why am I doing this? What are these pixels doing for me? Why am I wasting so much of my potential and energy which I can invest on other things and people on this? It only makes me feel numb and disconnected from the people. Inferior and insecure. It was destroying my own image in my own mind. I remember before I was addicted to this whole thing I was really comfortable about who I was and my body. But now it's like I have to compare with what I have seen in the media and read on the internet about the idea of being a man. And it sucks because I know it's not true and it's not me. I mean what is it being a man? It's a really complex question for me and to find out the answer and grow up, I need to leave this silly things behind and deal with life. As good or as bad it is. There's no escaping. There's only one way and that's through it.
Anyway it feels good to write down all of this. All these thoughts eats me up sometimes and I wanted to write them down here so I can come back and look. I will start writing journal again. Not frequently but whenever I have something to say or I've achieved some of no. days that I will like to mark here. I'm currently 2 days PMO free.
And btw my exams of 2 months are finally finished today so I'm a little happy and it is also why I decided to come back and write here again. It's been a long time since I've been stress free. It feels good. My best wishes to everyone in here who's fighting this disease in one way or another in getting ahead in their lives. Stay strong people! Peace.
First of all, No. I haven't broken any streaks or anything. On contrary I've relapsed and engaged in sexual stuff with other people online which I'm not proud of. The last week was crazy and I don't know what got on me but I was just spending lots of time doing these stuff. I know this doesn't sound like something I feel guilt of and I will tell you why because I only confronted the truth a few days ago.
It was because the things I was watching was soft porn (n*des, shorts) and sexting with other people. I actually realised my mind don't feels any guilt (unless I was doing it very much) on these things unlike when I was watching porn of different varieties. As soon as I watch porn there's a guilt and sadness that I feel. But the same thing wasn't happening with soft stuff. I was actually more aroused with these stuff. That's why I guess I was out of control for a few days.
But the realisation hit me one day that this is the same problem when I was in the middle of doing the deed and I don't know how but suddenly there was an inner voice that just could be my conscious mind questioning me or making me think about my actions. I had a string of questions going in my mind right then like, Why am I doing this? What are these pixels doing for me? Why am I wasting so much of my potential and energy which I can invest on other things and people on this? It only makes me feel numb and disconnected from the people. Inferior and insecure. It was destroying my own image in my own mind. I remember before I was addicted to this whole thing I was really comfortable about who I was and my body. But now it's like I have to compare with what I have seen in the media and read on the internet about the idea of being a man. And it sucks because I know it's not true and it's not me. I mean what is it being a man? It's a really complex question for me and to find out the answer and grow up, I need to leave this silly things behind and deal with life. As good or as bad it is. There's no escaping. There's only one way and that's through it.
Anyway it feels good to write down all of this. All these thoughts eats me up sometimes and I wanted to write them down here so I can come back and look. I will start writing journal again. Not frequently but whenever I have something to say or I've achieved some of no. days that I will like to mark here. I'm currently 2 days PMO free.
And btw my exams of 2 months are finally finished today so I'm a little happy and it is also why I decided to come back and write here again. It's been a long time since I've been stress free. It feels good. My best wishes to everyone in here who's fighting this disease in one way or another in getting ahead in their lives. Stay strong people! Peace.