When Society Calls You a Prude

SoberRich

Member
As I recount in my journal I am battling two addictions, alcohol and porn, and I try to be brutally honest in talking about the process. It is not insignificant that both of my addictions are to products that are legal and more than this, accepted and supported by society. They are "normal", but I would like to actually question this. What do you do when your primary goal is to quit things that society tells you aren't a problem. That is our conundrum. I think about these things a lot, and to be honest I am very pessimistic about society. The more I educate myself, the more I learn, the more pessimistic I become when I look at the outside world. This stuff, of course, is outside the scope of this forum, but I'd be happy to talk about it in my inbox. In Aldous Huxley's a Brave New World sex and drugs play the role of pacifying the population. Interestingly enough we are drawn into details about an actual sex company through the eyes of one of our main characters. She is almost constantly taking the free drugs, which arguably tells us that she is not too happy about her "chosen" occupation. In one instance of sober insight, she seems to question what she is doing entirely, before immediately re-medicating herself into passivity. We find this same theme in non-fiction as well, with many authors discussing this phenomenon, which is a very risky move indeed. It is risky to point to the man behind the curtain.

So, how do we remain firm in our convictions when just by taking this journey we plant ourselves firmly against the culture we live in? I'm not particularly religious, although I am sure that going to church can help. I am sure it helps a lot of people here. I do like to read books about pshychology and spirituality. It helps me to understand the processes I find occurring in my life. I think there has to be a source of meaning that helps us fortify our positions. I rarely tell anyone about my journey against either of these addictions, but the culture can influence us in other ways, through advertising, or just moving around in a world where these things are considered normal.

And here is where I want to turn to some definitions. I argue that porn and binge drinking are NOT normal. When I look outside I can't help but feel that people confuse the words common and normal.

The dictionary says that common means "prevalent; occurring often". It is a very plain word lacking judgment.

Normal on the other hand. The dictionary says that it means "conforming to a standard; usual; typical, or expected."

Clearly these words do not mean the same thing. When people say that porn and alcohol are normal, surely what they mean that they are common. These things are far from normal.

Would we say that a father and husband of 40 binging on porn and hanging out at bars is normal? What about the university student, who should be studying or getting a good night's sleep before an exam? What about the newly married husband who should be doting on his wife?

Maybe it is time for us to take back the word normal with our actions. We are the ones being normal. Because we don't let these products take over our lives.

Just a thought.
 

TryingHarder

Active Member
Agree with your thoughts, SoberRich. I do drink, but nothing stronger than beer, and I don't drink to get drunk. Having grown up with an alcoholic father, it certainly informed my own choices when it comes to alcohol. Alcohol and getting drunk are often glamorized in society, which is clearly a problem. And yet, as you have pointed out, you can be considered a "prude" for voicing these opinions. Same with porn - oh, c'mon, porn isn't so bad, everyone looks at porn, LOL. But there is no such thing as "social porn" (like social drinking) or just "having a couple of drinks" (nobody looks at porn for 5 minutes and keeps their pants on!)
 

WoundedSparrow

Active Member
When you begin to realize how depraved and sick society is and begin acting in a healthier fashion, people may think you're a prude. Hell, YOU might think you're becoming a prude. But we were born into a culture that sexualizes absolutely everything. Our media amplifies it and we accept it as normal. Sex is no longer an intimate, sacred act between man and wife, it's degraded into anything anyone can do at any time with anyone to feel good. It's been reduced to nothing more than solely physical pleasure for enjoyment. Porn feeds on this idea quite literally endlessly.

I'm 27 now. When I was 18, before I fell into addiction, I wanted to have sex more than anything. I'm a Christian, but I completely disregarded the Bible's prescriptions on premarital sex. After all, everyone else did. But I couldn't get a girl to save my life. This actually worked to my benefit. Porn addiction provided me with sexual satisfaction on demand and it completely wreaked havoc on my mind. It still does. I'm not free yet. And it drove me to do things with girls I immediately regretted. The brain wants to get off and the rest of the body obeys. It makes you into a pleasure-seeking zombie. But I've come to realize that meaningless sexual gratification is neither satisfying or worthwhile. I never had sex, but I've gotten into sexual territory. I now wish to kick porn out of my life for good and wait until marriage for sex. I want to be in love and committed to someone in the complete absence of porn's influence. This idea was completely asinine to me when I was younger. Turns out that the Bible's way also happens to be the practical way. Who knew? If it works, it works. I know people my age who waited and they seem quite happy.

Anyway, I wouldn't worry too much about being seen as a prude. You choose to stand out in a perverted culture to live your best life and encourage others to do the same. There's nothing wrong with that. It's better to be a bit prudish than be a degenerate. Be well and don't let anyone bring you down.
 

fapfreezone

Active Member
Rich,
I also have two compulsive behaviours. The first is food and the second, you'll not be surprised to hear, is of course porn. I reckon, from the science, that it's easier to quit whichever you think is the easiest to quit first and the other one after success with the first.

The reason is that if I quit my food problem (the easier one, I reckon), I expect that to improve my brain health. Specifically, I expect it to reduce hypofrontality, stress circuitry dysfunction and desensitization. This is why I reckon it's easier to quit the easiest one first. I am having some success with this, but not complete success. If you try this method, i'd be interested in how it goes.
 
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