Simon2
Active Member
I am at rock bottom. The boy I was before I found porn would be horrified by the man I've become.
I am an addict. I am a cheater. I am living a lie. Currently I cannot function properly because my whole body demands porn - of the hardest kind - so badly.
Today I am 45. This started pretty much 30 years ago. I thought I had it beat and lulled myself into complacency. I even RAN a porn addiction forum. I worked so hard. But I always left the door a crack open. At first it was pretty good. But it got worse, and a couple of years ago I just gave up. I literally decided I was never gonna quit so I might as well just embrace my addiction and enjoy my life such as it is. I gave up all my moral values. I hate myself when I look in the mirror. That is all the evidence I need that all is not well in my life. I am risking my marriage to a wonderful woman, being a father to my 5 and 8 year old boys. Being a role model for them in this difficult world.
So here I am. My aim is to come her and post when my tempation would otherwise take me to porn.
I'll see what else - but I hope that by being accountable to myself and hopefully some of you here - that it will help me pull back and choose a different road.
Today I am 2 days clean. I am in pain - physically. My head hurts, my whole body hurts. I can't concentrate. I can't act. I've gone through this before. I know that for the next couple of months it will hurt. Oh how easy it would be to give in right now... but it won't help.
I am an addict. I am a cheater. I am living a lie. Currently I cannot function properly because my whole body demands porn - of the hardest kind - so badly.
Today I am 45. This started pretty much 30 years ago. I thought I had it beat and lulled myself into complacency. I even RAN a porn addiction forum. I worked so hard. But I always left the door a crack open. At first it was pretty good. But it got worse, and a couple of years ago I just gave up. I literally decided I was never gonna quit so I might as well just embrace my addiction and enjoy my life such as it is. I gave up all my moral values. I hate myself when I look in the mirror. That is all the evidence I need that all is not well in my life. I am risking my marriage to a wonderful woman, being a father to my 5 and 8 year old boys. Being a role model for them in this difficult world.
So here I am. My aim is to come her and post when my tempation would otherwise take me to porn.
I'll see what else - but I hope that by being accountable to myself and hopefully some of you here - that it will help me pull back and choose a different road.
Today I am 2 days clean. I am in pain - physically. My head hurts, my whole body hurts. I can't concentrate. I can't act. I've gone through this before. I know that for the next couple of months it will hurt. Oh how easy it would be to give in right now... but it won't help.