To pass this test I have to find the clarity internally to fully accept that I shall never go down that path. If it's not an option (the way P is not an option for me now) then I will stop thinking about it and I won't be in danger of falling off the cliff when I have a weak moment.
This resonates with me @SimonM
. To be honest, I've had this same problem myself, random opportunities to hook up with someone, women making it obvious at work etc., and I've always let me mind go there, even though porn was not an option. In fact, many of my relapses have been me just coming back from work, or some other opportunity on a trip that I just passed up, and thus, out of my "frustration" I told myself, "let's at least look at porn because that's not cheating". This is probably why I have a hard time thinking porn is cheating by the way, because to me, often it was what I ran to so as to NOT cheat. Maybe it's a 1 or 2 on the scale of cheating, but no matter what, I've always let this fantasy run free in my mind, and boy is it exhausting! Only till recently, mostly since I've been here on RN, have I really started to say no to myself for the first time and proclaim "Cheating is not option", and I tell you what, I still have my problems, but the difference is night and day.
What we allow to ferment in our minds grows at a rapid pace, and can eat at us until we can't take it anymore.
Am I saying I'm perfect at this now, fuck no, and that's okay, but my thoughts are way better since cheating also is now not an option. Here's an example, when I was on my foreign trip last summer, one of my biggest fears was that I would get myself into "some" situation like I always do, and I would have to run away back to my hotel all alone and look at porn like I had always done in my past because of my "sexual frustrations!". Although I definitely had an opportunity, I smiled, enjoyed that it was possible, but didn't let my mind go there, cheating wasn't an option for me any more, and thus, I went back to my room, and didn't whack one out for literally the first time in my life - I kept my streak going. This isn't a pat myself on the back story (although I am really proud of myself for this), it's just to show you that my life has really changed when I finally decided that cheating also is not option.
Women are awesome, as I always talk about and I hope that that's not misunderstood by some here, but I'm only addressing feeling shame about our natural attractions for women as men, however, I'm not talking about letting those natural fantasies and thoughts consume us. At least to me, these two things are completely different. One is natural, but anything more than just the initial moment of noticing beauty, especially if one is married or in a committed relationship, makes a man feel just as sexually frustrated as looking at porn and not actual being able to have any of these women in your bed. There's simply no reason to even go there mentally, besides the possible moral and life consequences that will follow.
It all literally starts in the mind, but we ARE the captains of our own ships.
Porn is not an option
Cheating is not an option
Hopefully some of this helps you.