Thank you for checking in with me @Blondie
. The answer is, not good.
I haven't outright looked at porn, but I have compiled a list of girls on an escort listings site. WTF? I have fantasized for days about seeing one of them... I've used it as a way to stimulate sexual energy.
Have I PMOd? No. But that'll be the next step if I don't stop this immediately, and there's the danger that I'll actually make an appointment to see one of these girls. So it has to stop!
I am fooling myself if I tell myself this behaviour doesn't fall under what's "not an option". It has to not be an option.
I'm still a fool.