Holding the Fool (me) to Account

Jon11208

Member
Congrats on completing 3 weeks @SimonM. I've read through your whole journal now and there are a lots of similarities to my own situation and I'm sure many, many others on here.

I'm looking forward to continuing to follow your journey, especially since you've got so much experience and on this current streak, you're a week or two in front of me.

Keep it going! You can do this!
 
You can do it if you WILL it! I'm not saying you need to, but you CAN.
For me, monk mode is the only way right now...so much of this is the mind...the complex and fascinating MIND!

i think the human brain is capable of anything and it certainly is possible to go monk mode for much more than 9 months. there are after all, real monks who essentially go monk mode for much longer.
 

SimonM

Active Member
Just made the mistake of opening up a Facebook post of a friend who posted what I consider hot pictures... Careful, Simon. That's a dangerous road... Trying to get a bit of eye candy without losing my streak... I'll be triggered now for the rest of the day and in the past I then often started seeking out material closer to the edge until I ultimately failed totally.

Not today. If I make it to tomorrow night then I'm gone from the internet for 3 days after that. So 30 days is within reach!
 

Jon11208

Member
Just made the mistake of opening up a Facebook post of a friend who posted what I consider hot pictures... Careful, Simon. That's a dangerous road... Trying to get a bit of eye candy without losing my streak... I'll be triggered now for the rest of the day and in the past I then often started seeking out material closer to the edge until I ultimately failed totally.

Not today. If I make it to tomorrow night then I'm gone from the internet for 3 days after that. So 30 days is within reach!
Stay strong @SimonM. None of the eye candy is worth the achievement of beating this. You can do it. You're doing amazing.
 
Just made the mistake of opening up a Facebook post of a friend who posted what I consider hot pictures... Careful, Simon. That's a dangerous road... Trying to get a bit of eye candy without losing my streak... I'll be triggered now for the rest of the day and in the past I then often started seeking out material closer to the edge until I ultimately failed totally.

Not today. If I make it to tomorrow night then I'm gone from the internet for 3 days after that. So 30 days is within reach!

i know a woman who i work with and she purposely puts pictures of herself in revealing clothing or poses whatnot. Not porn but it has one clear intent - to tempt a man.

she is without a doubt someone i consider a temptress or siren, and i think women pretty clearly know what they are doing when they do this.

i swore off facebook for the most part a year or so ago not only to avoid this but because its a huge time sink.

all you have to do is make it through today @SimonM . then tomorrow is a new better day
 

Aeodh Dan

Member
yeah, I don't use facebook for social media anymore...it's a mindfuck that I don't need in my life, I do use messenger and marketplace though
The internet social media concept is something I reject as part of my recovery platform as a whole.
We all have to establish boundaries for ourselves and it can be tricky to know where these are...trial and error my friends
For me, it's the movies, because my my movie time in the evenings is sort of a ritual, but I have to select them carefully!
 

Percival

Member
Ogling is tough, because it's very natural; men are designed to notice beautiful women. Or even just women, full stop. I I used to work on a college campus, and intentionally would choose my spot to eat lunch where I could do as much girl-watching as possible. So I totally understand where you're coming from.

It's ok to notice and appreciate, in my opinion. The problem is when it becomes ogling. I find the best way is to gently redirect my mind: "Yes, she's lovely, and now it's time to look away." Even using classier words in my head helps: "lovely" or "beautiful" instead of "hot" or "sexy".
 
Ogling is tough, because it's very natural; men are designed to notice beautiful women. Or even just women, full stop. I I used to work on a college campus, and intentionally would choose my spot to eat lunch where I could do as much girl-watching as possible. So I totally understand where you're coming from.

It's ok to notice and appreciate, in my opinion. The problem is when it becomes ogling. I find the best way is to gently redirect my mind: "Yes, she's lovely, and now it's time to look away." Even using classier words in my head helps: "lovely" or "beautiful" instead of "hot" or "sexy".

talked to a guy from my SA meeting on this very topic recently. As he put it when one encounters a beautiful lady his response is just to give thanks that he gets to see this beauty in his day but to just try and go on his day and not go into fantasy world.
 

SimonM

Active Member
Thank you all for your encouragement.
I had zero urges while away at the cottage where there's no internet. But here at home the feeling is back now. My mind is also telling me another story - that it would be ok to indulge in a session with my favourite girl at the "adult club" because that's not P - and it wouldn't break my streak. Even though that's worse in just about every respect - cheating, objectifying, giving on to my sex addiction, etc! That is a related activity that I can never do again.

Today is Day 27 without P. Tomorrow will be 4 weeks!
 

GBS

Active Member
Keep going. Don’t give in to any urges even if they’re not within the narrowest definition of “P”! 🤷
 

SimonM

Active Member
The withdrawal is much easier now. But the danger of failure isn't any further away. One click. I feel less powerfully pulled toward it but I am also noticing that my urgency, my inner drive to stay clean, is reduced. The fight is more in the background - which is good and necessary - but in the past when I had a good streak this is always when I failed. Often very unplanned, from one moment to the next my mind would snap.

I used to think I could handle the occasional p session. But history has proven that for me it's a slippery slope I cannot stay on top of. Some can handle a low level of p. I cannot. It always escalates. That's what my reminder for today is.

Day 28
 

GBS

Active Member
I just reread your opening page. You were in a bad place. You’ve taken yourself away from that bad place. It’s been hard work but I have enjoyed reading your journey and I have gained strength fro it to know someone else is going through what I am going through. You’re a hero. This is immense what you’ve done. Don’t go back. If you’re one click away from going there, just click on Reboot Nation instead and I will read what you have to say.

Keep going Simon.
 

SimonM

Active Member
Today I'm super tempted to open up a certain website and look up a girl I've seen for "massages" before. I hadn't thought of doing something like that in a while. My temptation was for my kind of P. But I find this goes in waves. Now I don't crave the P too much but can't stop thinking about hooking up. Better stay strong through that as well.

The cheating has been part of the last three years where I've given up all attempts to quit and told myself to just "enjoy" life. But I've come to see that the last three years I've actually been miserable. So not worth it. Never mind how low it is to cheat. Not the father or husband I want to be anymore. But right now my brain is brining back all the highs from these sessions. Sigh.

Day 29.
 
I just reread your opening page. You were in a bad place. You’ve taken yourself away from that bad place. It’s been hard work but I have enjoyed reading your journey and I have gained strength fro it to know someone else is going through what I am going through. You’re a hero. This is immense what you’ve done. Don’t go back. If you’re one click away from going there, just click on Reboot Nation instead and I will read what you have to say.

Keep going Simon.
This is a very encouraging post, and it encouraged me reading it too.

Almost a month, good work!
 
Today I'm super tempted to open up a certain website and look up a girl I've seen for "massages" before. I hadn't thought of doing something like that in a while. My temptation was for my kind of P. But I find this goes in waves. Now I don't crave the P too much but can't stop thinking about hooking up. Better stay strong through that as well.

The cheating has been part of the last three years where I've given up all attempts to quit and told myself to just "enjoy" life. But I've come to see that the last three years I've actually been miserable. So not worth it. Never mind how low it is to cheat. Not the father or husband I want to be anymore. But right now my brain is brining back all the highs from these sessions. Sigh.

Day 29.
It's fascinating what your brain will hurl at you despite what you know to be true. Keep strong!!
 

kopp

Active Member
Regarding MO, that depends on you. Close to nofap there is a movement called "porn free" (r/pornfree on reddit).
Some people succeed by MOing and never PMOing again.

Personally MOing often leads me to more cravings which lead me to PMOing.

It's crazy what our minds do to us. You're doing good!
 

SimonM

Active Member
Thank you @PrometheusUnbound and @kopp! I appreciate the support.

I am leaving for three days today. Should make staying clean easier - away from the desk, chair, room, big monitor, that I associate with P. When I get back it'll be 33 days. A good number to aim for. Especially since I almost faltered yesterday pushing the boundaries.

Let's all have a strong rest of the week and weekend. Let's all check in together on Monday with success under our belts (no pun intended).
 
Thank you @PrometheusUnbound and @kopp! I appreciate the support.

I am leaving for three days today. Should make staying clean easier - away from the desk, chair, room, big monitor, that I associate with P. When I get back it'll be 33 days. A good number to aim for. Especially since I almost faltered yesterday pushing the boundaries.

Let's all have a strong rest of the week and weekend. Let's all check in together on Monday with success under our belts (no pun intended).
I hope you had a good trip. Just checking in as it's Monday. I remained strong. I hope the same for you too!
 
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