Help please

[FightingForUs]

My partner just relapsed. It’s his first one in almost two weeks. Before that it was every other day he was doing it. I know this happens and 2 weeks is a milestonebut I’m struggling.

we are long distance and he is coming to see me tomorrow for the first time in 2 weeks. Every time he comes to see me, he always relapses the day before. It makes me not want to have sex with him, I feel uncomfortable. It makes me feel like it’s intentional, like he doesn’t want to try to have sex with me. Why does he do it the day before seeing me?

he gets triggered by some girl on YouTube, or some photo on reddit - any woman, it seems. Cartoon, real, whatever. Why can’t he wait to do it with me?

i need advice and help.

 

[GrateClips]

My partner just relapsed. It’s his first one in almost two weeks. Before that it was every other day he was doing it. I know this happens and 2 weeks is a milestonebut I’m struggling.

we are long distance and he is coming to see me tomorrow for the first time in 2 weeks. Every time he comes to see me, he always relapses the day before. It makes me not want to have sex with him, I feel uncomfortable. It makes me feel like it’s intentional, like he doesn’t want to try to have sex with me. Why does he do it the day before seeing me?

he gets triggered by some girl on YouTube, or some photo on reddit - any woman, it seems. Cartoon, real, whatever. Why can’t he wait to do it with me?

i need advice and help

hi. sorry to hear this. as a man on the other side i would say that he has cravings that cannot be entirely satiated by you or probably anyone or anything at this point in time. he needs help and he wants to stop. but from what it sounds like Porn/masturbation is just a symptom of the deeper root cause.

if you don't want to have sex with him but you still do you are enabling this behavior and him.

he sounds like he needs more help than just trying to do it alone. the fallacy i think a lot of guys here have is that they just have to stop masturbating and watching porn for 90 days or 120 ddays or whatever and all their problems are solved. Its not. Its like hiding the whiskey from an alcoholic for 120 days and then see if he can continue to stop drinking. there are other things the man has to do to free himself from this problem besides stop watching porn.

 

[TryingHarder]

he gets triggered by some girl on YouTube, or some photo on reddit - any woman, it seems.

How long has he been rebooting? It's up to him to stop looking at any content that might be triggering. Maybe it's time to draw a line in the sand and ask: what happens that you relapse just before we see each other? Let him know that sex is off the table until he stays clean for 90 days.

Please note: I am currently single, so maybe I'm not the best person to give advice. But I'm thinking about what I would want to hear from a partner if I had one. He will need your support to help beat the addiction, but first he needs the discipline to stop looking at porn.

 

[GBS]

@FightingForUs - I’m also a male porn addict. I am in recovery (and will be for the rest of my life). My wife is devastated and hurt and has said absolutely no sex. I thought after 4 months she might move on, but on reflection that is both crazy and phenomenally selfish. W are working together to rebuild but it’s tough and there have been tears from us both. I agree with the guys above that you have to say no. He has to change and he won’t if you don’t put your foot down.

Good luck. I will read your posts every day. It will help me.