tghn
Member
Hi everyone,
Thought I would make an account on this forum and immediately make a log for myself to read back when I´m struggling. I am really fed up with my destructive habits.
PMO history
I´m a M of 24, have been watching P since 12 and MO since 13. From that time on i have been PMO daily or sometimes even twice a day untill last year. In the past year my libido and urge for M has become a lot less since I, in hindsight, already was severely desensitized. So this past year I would PMO 5 times a week on average with very strong dead grip. I had a habit of M up to 2/3 hours with a lot of edging. I am really sick of myself looking back at it. My preferences did not escalate to that of an extreme, I was mostly pretty vanilla i would say. In my life I had 4 shortlasting bed partners from the time I was 19 years old. With all of these bed parnters I experienced PIED all the time. These experiences caused me to abstain from women for the last two years completely. When I experienced this PIED I went online and found out about YBOP and this forum. I was in denial back then and thinking not a lot of it as I was 19/20 years old and I did not want to see the truth of what I had become. I was on SSRI's at the time due to depression and I accounted my failing bedroom activities to these. A year ago, I was still in denial about my PMO addiction, I had bloodwork done and my testosterone levels came back as normal, although in the lower range (417 ng/dl). Another reality check: my PIED could not be contributed to my hormones.
My motivation
Yesterday something clicked into my head. I just met a wonderful girl some time ago, potentially my first girlfriend, and I became desperate at the thought that I can not be giving her anything she wants at the moment. This is my biggest motivation. I want to create a strong family with a beautiful wife and children who can look up to their healthy husband and father. It would be crazy that I give up my biggest dream for this shit. The longest I ever did nofap for was 13 days. In these days I instantly got a flatline and thats when I freaked out and PMO again.
My lifestyle
I live an active and social lifestyle. I go to the gym 5 times a week and have nice friends. I abstain from alcohol and drugs (as I suppose this would speed up my healing). I am a disciplined guy but I feel like this battle will require the most willpower I ever needed in my life.
The gameplan
I will do no PMO for as long as needed. When I get urges I fullfill my need of dopamine with something nice to eat (I am in good shape so eating habits are not a problem for me) to fullfill my dopamine craving. Also when I get urges I will look back at my motivation part of this log. I hope this log can help me take on this battle. I hope the dating with this girl goes well, and that I can start cuddling and being intimate (without O) as soon as possible. I am planning to be upfront and open about my struggles from the beginning. I am prepared for this to take a long time, up to a year, but I hope my physical condition and healthy lifestyle can shorten this period.
I do have a question for you guys and girls:
When is the right time to start O again as a part of the rewiring period? Or is it better to abstain from this completely untill i can get 100% erections again?
I get a lot of inspiration and motivation from reading the other logs on this forum before signing up, keep it up brothers!
Thought I would make an account on this forum and immediately make a log for myself to read back when I´m struggling. I am really fed up with my destructive habits.
PMO history
I´m a M of 24, have been watching P since 12 and MO since 13. From that time on i have been PMO daily or sometimes even twice a day untill last year. In the past year my libido and urge for M has become a lot less since I, in hindsight, already was severely desensitized. So this past year I would PMO 5 times a week on average with very strong dead grip. I had a habit of M up to 2/3 hours with a lot of edging. I am really sick of myself looking back at it. My preferences did not escalate to that of an extreme, I was mostly pretty vanilla i would say. In my life I had 4 shortlasting bed partners from the time I was 19 years old. With all of these bed parnters I experienced PIED all the time. These experiences caused me to abstain from women for the last two years completely. When I experienced this PIED I went online and found out about YBOP and this forum. I was in denial back then and thinking not a lot of it as I was 19/20 years old and I did not want to see the truth of what I had become. I was on SSRI's at the time due to depression and I accounted my failing bedroom activities to these. A year ago, I was still in denial about my PMO addiction, I had bloodwork done and my testosterone levels came back as normal, although in the lower range (417 ng/dl). Another reality check: my PIED could not be contributed to my hormones.
My motivation
Yesterday something clicked into my head. I just met a wonderful girl some time ago, potentially my first girlfriend, and I became desperate at the thought that I can not be giving her anything she wants at the moment. This is my biggest motivation. I want to create a strong family with a beautiful wife and children who can look up to their healthy husband and father. It would be crazy that I give up my biggest dream for this shit. The longest I ever did nofap for was 13 days. In these days I instantly got a flatline and thats when I freaked out and PMO again.
My lifestyle
I live an active and social lifestyle. I go to the gym 5 times a week and have nice friends. I abstain from alcohol and drugs (as I suppose this would speed up my healing). I am a disciplined guy but I feel like this battle will require the most willpower I ever needed in my life.
The gameplan
I will do no PMO for as long as needed. When I get urges I fullfill my need of dopamine with something nice to eat (I am in good shape so eating habits are not a problem for me) to fullfill my dopamine craving. Also when I get urges I will look back at my motivation part of this log. I hope this log can help me take on this battle. I hope the dating with this girl goes well, and that I can start cuddling and being intimate (without O) as soon as possible. I am planning to be upfront and open about my struggles from the beginning. I am prepared for this to take a long time, up to a year, but I hope my physical condition and healthy lifestyle can shorten this period.
I do have a question for you guys and girls:
When is the right time to start O again as a part of the rewiring period? Or is it better to abstain from this completely untill i can get 100% erections again?
I get a lot of inspiration and motivation from reading the other logs on this forum before signing up, keep it up brothers!