hi, i’m chap :)
- Thread starter chap
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chap
Active Member
@Kraken hey 
i meant to get back to you a while back but kept lagging. i’ve noticed recently that i’ve been for the most part, pretty unproductive and disorganized. and it’s been frustrating. i relapsed almost, what, two weeks ago? and have just been acting extremely impulsively.
i feel like there’s been a ton of positives that have happened, but simultaneously, i feel frustrated. from school, my room, my relapses, my crush, the whole lot you know. however, i’m trying to be mindful, present, and aware of what’s going on.
i know that when i nearly reach the 14 day milestone that anything can unintentionally set me off to relapse. i know that the chaser effect is in full effect and the undertow that keeps me in this perpetual state of frustration.
i tell myself i don’t want to do it, but find myself doing it anyway. i can beat it and get back on that high horse. i’ve done it before and can do it again. thanks for checking in!
i meant to get back to you a while back but kept lagging. i’ve noticed recently that i’ve been for the most part, pretty unproductive and disorganized. and it’s been frustrating. i relapsed almost, what, two weeks ago? and have just been acting extremely impulsively. i feel like there’s been a ton of positives that have happened, but simultaneously, i feel frustrated. from school, my room, my relapses, my crush, the whole lot you know. however, i’m trying to be mindful, present, and aware of what’s going on.
i know that when i nearly reach the 14 day milestone that anything can unintentionally set me off to relapse. i know that the chaser effect is in full effect and the undertow that keeps me in this perpetual state of frustration.
i tell myself i don’t want to do it, but find myself doing it anyway. i can beat it and get back on that high horse. i’ve done it before and can do it again. thanks for checking in!
SmokenMirrors
Well-Known Member
Write down somewhere in full view and easy access for you exactly WHY you want to beat this addiction and refer to it every time you want to relapse. You're in control of your brain!@Kraken hey
i feel like there’s been a ton of positives that have happened, but simultaneously, i feel frustrated. from school, my room, my relapses, my crush, the whole lot you know. however, i’m trying to be mindful, present, and aware of what’s going on.
i know that when i nearly reach the 14 day milestone that anything can unintentionally set me off to relapse. i know that the chaser effect is in full effect and the undertow that keeps me in this perpetual state of frustration.
i tell myself i don’t want to do it, but find myself doing it anyway. i can beat it and get back on that high horse. i’ve done it before and can do it again. thanks for checking in!
chap
Active Member
@SmokenMirrors thank you for the encouragement! i need to reflect on the WHY!
chap
Active Member
@Kraken thanks for checking in on me! right now i think the two opportunities that usually get me most excited is to 1) do something with my friends from college [i get to be around my crush too] or from middle school and 2) i want to get a film camera and learn to take pictures!
what about you kraken, ik you’ve been speaking to your therapist, has it helped speaking with them? thanks again
what about you kraken, ik you’ve been speaking to your therapist, has it helped speaking with them? thanks again
It has been really helpful speaking to a therapist! For me, I am getting married in less than two months and I am super excited about it@Kraken thanks for checking in on me! right now i think the two opportunities that usually get me most excited is to 1) do something with my friends from college [i get to be around my crush too] or from middle school and 2) i want to get a film camera and learn to take pictures!
what about you kraken, ik you’ve been speaking to your therapist, has it helped speaking with them? thanks again
. We are also looking at townhomes to buy our first house and that has been really cool as well. Film cameras are really neat, what type of photography are you interested in
chap
Active Member
chap
Active Member
dogs have been sick, room’s a mess, haven’t run today, pmo’d (to p and pictures of my crush) 
, got work in less than two hours, finished a bag of xxtra hot cheetos. i’d be lying if i said i feel good. i don’t feel horrible, but i am a little upset. i’ve reverted back to some old habits again. right now is the time where i need to be more dedicated to breaking the loop. i’ve been way too lenient. i still need to write down WHY i am trying to quit.
i hope you are all doing well!
, got work in less than two hours, finished a bag of xxtra hot cheetos. i’d be lying if i said i feel good. i don’t feel horrible, but i am a little upset. i’ve reverted back to some old habits again. right now is the time where i need to be more dedicated to breaking the loop. i’ve been way too lenient. i still need to write down WHY i am trying to quit. i hope you are all doing well!
chap
Active Member
hi. (picks up ukulele) lol. iykyk.
hey for real. it's been a while since i last checked in with y'all. a lot has happened since then. i've got news: i asked out my crush last saturday. big W for doing that. today (tuesday) we spoke in private, and i got friend-zoned. i'm going through it right now and it's been really hard in the short amount of time it's been. but i'll get through this. WITHOUT pmo. i've been clean for two or three days.
way i see it right now. i'm going to focus my entire being on me. and help me get back up on my two feet and move forward. it hurts, but i'm strong. this too shall pass. let's keep our heads up kings, in both the real world and our mental. wishing you all well. if you're in socal, stay hydrated, summer heat coming in hawt. i've been drinking over a gallon each day so far.
hey for real. it's been a while since i last checked in with y'all. a lot has happened since then. i've got news: i asked out my crush last saturday. big W for doing that. today (tuesday) we spoke in private, and i got friend-zoned. i'm going through it right now and it's been really hard in the short amount of time it's been. but i'll get through this. WITHOUT pmo. i've been clean for two or three days.
way i see it right now. i'm going to focus my entire being on me. and help me get back up on my two feet and move forward. it hurts, but i'm strong. this too shall pass. let's keep our heads up kings, in both the real world and our mental. wishing you all well. if you're in socal, stay hydrated, summer heat coming in hawt. i've been drinking over a gallon each day so far.
SmokenMirrors
Well-Known Member
Big dub on asking out your crush! The win came from the courage of asking them, not the result. The best part about pain is it reminds you that you're alive, keep it up brother!
chap
Active Member
thanks for the replies @SmokenMirrors @Blondie @Androg
today was tough. i’m trying to detach from her which has been very hard so far, but it went well. i kept things friendly. but as of now, i need my time.
good to see you all again. also, no desire for pmo right now. this is wild. lol
today was tough. i’m trying to detach from her which has been very hard so far, but it went well. i kept things friendly. but as of now, i need my time.
good to see you all again. also, no desire for pmo right now. this is wild. lol
chap
Active Member
as i started typing my entry, i thought, “what if i pmo’d?” then it just went downhill.
not happy that i did it, but it happened. instead i have to buckle down and remind myself why i hate doing that bs.
it’s been hard but i’m going to be okay. reminder to myself that of course i must do the best i can to detach from her and continue to be friendly, but don’t be an a-hole…
not happy that i did it, but it happened. instead i have to buckle down and remind myself why i hate doing that bs.
it’s been hard but i’m going to be okay. reminder to myself that of course i must do the best i can to detach from her and continue to be friendly, but don’t be an a-hole…
SmokenMirrors
Well-Known Member
Time to be disciplined brother. You want to get better? You HAVE to stop watching porn. You got this! I found that posting in my journal every time I had urges helped
chap
Active Member
yesterday was my birthday. a whole has recently happened and it has been a lot on me both physically, mentally, and emotionally. during the week i did not engage in pmo at all. on saturday i got back on. i am feeling motivated to get back on here and try to log frequently. these urges WILL appear and they WILL NOT be easy to just overcome. buckle down.