chap
Member
i’m back. been offline for a while. but fortunately, things have gotten better since your reply. lots at work though.
hi, i’m chap :)
- Thread starter chap
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chap
Member
DAY 0
i fell off this server and definitely had my ups and downs.
at this moment, i engage with pmo on the daily. however, the really bad feelings i felt all throughout have greatly reduced and i can confidently say that my real life is becoming more exciting than porn and other such forms. but im back on here because i knew this was what i was missing.
i’ve taken up special treatment with a life coach who had recommended weeks prior that i should find an accountability partner; so i was reminded of the massive online presence that reboot nation has to offer. i’m not alone in this fight.
i think the quality of my life is becoming better. but there are still hurdles in the way. for starters, i have a crush on this girl on my college cross country team. we get along and i really hope to ask her out someday. but i’ve noticed that my addictive mindset transcends beyond just porn. it’s happened with previous crushes in the past where i become obsessed with them, and they’re all i can think about.
i looked into it and came across this term, limerence. i’m trying to detach myself from this obsessive mentality and just try to continue developing a friendship with this teammate i really like. but like i mentioned earlier, i really do hope to express my feelings to her someday.
ultimately what i am trying to do right now is be connected with real people and form real relationships, not romantic. i think getting back on here may serve as a useful tool to remind myself why i started all of this in the first place. to break the chains of—what really isn’t porn addiction but rather—the addictive mindset. it’s crazy how i’ve noticed over the recent months that i experience similar trigger-like feelings with food, technology, and like i formerly mentioned, with real life girls that i start to crush on.
regardless of it all, i’m back on the reboot nation and am hoping to see where this boat will take me. like i said, life is actually pretty good right now. thanks for reading. ill write back when i feel like it.
i fell off this server and definitely had my ups and downs.
at this moment, i engage with pmo on the daily. however, the really bad feelings i felt all throughout have greatly reduced and i can confidently say that my real life is becoming more exciting than porn and other such forms. but im back on here because i knew this was what i was missing.
i’ve taken up special treatment with a life coach who had recommended weeks prior that i should find an accountability partner; so i was reminded of the massive online presence that reboot nation has to offer. i’m not alone in this fight.
i think the quality of my life is becoming better. but there are still hurdles in the way. for starters, i have a crush on this girl on my college cross country team. we get along and i really hope to ask her out someday. but i’ve noticed that my addictive mindset transcends beyond just porn. it’s happened with previous crushes in the past where i become obsessed with them, and they’re all i can think about.
i looked into it and came across this term, limerence. i’m trying to detach myself from this obsessive mentality and just try to continue developing a friendship with this teammate i really like. but like i mentioned earlier, i really do hope to express my feelings to her someday.
ultimately what i am trying to do right now is be connected with real people and form real relationships, not romantic. i think getting back on here may serve as a useful tool to remind myself why i started all of this in the first place. to break the chains of—what really isn’t porn addiction but rather—the addictive mindset. it’s crazy how i’ve noticed over the recent months that i experience similar trigger-like feelings with food, technology, and like i formerly mentioned, with real life girls that i start to crush on.
regardless of it all, i’m back on the reboot nation and am hoping to see where this boat will take me. like i said, life is actually pretty good right now. thanks for reading. ill write back when i feel like it.
SmokenMirrors
Well-Known Member
You've got this, king
chap
Member
thank you, king
chap
Member
DAY 2
had a relatively intense workout today with my team. we all stuck it out until our coach told us we should wrap it up, since the wind was getting really strong on the track (in case anyone may be wondering, i am training for mid/long distance track). my teammates helped me keep going and vice versa. i kept repeating the phrase to myself, Memento mori, or Remember, you will die.
i know that can be a bit much, but i think for me, repeating that phrase was reminding me i have to take my chances, i have to really try and do right, and that everything i do, can mean something. as i type this, i find that my running is something i truly hold dear to me and i could lose it at any given moment. this is my life, and i get to be the one who chooses how i want to go about sailing in it. porn is not the path any of us should take, because we know where that path will lead us. maybe for some they don’t mind becoming a slave to their own brain. but i think that the men, women, and other people on here have all identified one thing. and that is we are our brain, so we must protect it, nurture it, and cultivate it. our lives can end at any given moment. so let’s do what we can here, right now to raise ourselves up and foster a future that we will be happy to reach. but i digress.
fortunately, porn hasn’t really been on my mind, and i’ve been in quite a good mood. lots of thinking. i’ve been trying to be more appreciative, grateful, and present with the world and the people in my circle of life. i have yet to develop the “porn is not an option” mindset, but will continue to try to really live out my life and experience real connection with people through shared experience. i didn’t realize how we cook up our own versions of people in our minds, and when you mix that in with limerence it can become nasty and bring with it, all kinds of nasty feelings and thoughts about yourself and about your limerent object. anyways, cheerio.
had a relatively intense workout today with my team. we all stuck it out until our coach told us we should wrap it up, since the wind was getting really strong on the track (in case anyone may be wondering, i am training for mid/long distance track). my teammates helped me keep going and vice versa. i kept repeating the phrase to myself, Memento mori, or Remember, you will die.
i know that can be a bit much, but i think for me, repeating that phrase was reminding me i have to take my chances, i have to really try and do right, and that everything i do, can mean something. as i type this, i find that my running is something i truly hold dear to me and i could lose it at any given moment. this is my life, and i get to be the one who chooses how i want to go about sailing in it. porn is not the path any of us should take, because we know where that path will lead us. maybe for some they don’t mind becoming a slave to their own brain. but i think that the men, women, and other people on here have all identified one thing. and that is we are our brain, so we must protect it, nurture it, and cultivate it. our lives can end at any given moment. so let’s do what we can here, right now to raise ourselves up and foster a future that we will be happy to reach. but i digress.
fortunately, porn hasn’t really been on my mind, and i’ve been in quite a good mood. lots of thinking. i’ve been trying to be more appreciative, grateful, and present with the world and the people in my circle of life. i have yet to develop the “porn is not an option” mindset, but will continue to try to really live out my life and experience real connection with people through shared experience. i didn’t realize how we cook up our own versions of people in our minds, and when you mix that in with limerence it can become nasty and bring with it, all kinds of nasty feelings and thoughts about yourself and about your limerent object. anyways, cheerio.
chap
Member
DAY 4
you know what’s crazy about all this. it feels like it’s so easy. like all i had to do was just, do other things. of course, i’m not going to get ahead of myself, however, i really have noticed that in these last four days with the exception of maybe one or two occasions: porn and wanting to masturbate has not been on my mind, at all.
although recently, i’ve had some strong thoughts of wanting to be with my crush (limerent thoughts). but i feel like i have been countering that very well also, by focusing on the things going on right in front of me and also trying not to dwell on the possibilities of our potential romance and instead just focus on our real connection: our friendship (the shared experiences; no interpretation of what i think happened, just simply what actually happen). i feel like today was great, i got to hang out with her and another teammate of mine. we just walked around campus, joked, and talked about a slew of things. i appreciate that i got to spend some time with her for a while: simple as that. detaching from this obsessive mindset is just as important to me as detaching from porn addiction: to me, it’s all the same.
unfortunately, it seems like the cold’s going around and i’ve been feeling not my best. i have to get up very early tomorrow since i’ll be attending my best friend’s graduation from boot camp which is out in like san diego. anyways, i’m going to stick to the course.
porn is not an option. that shit doesn’t exist in my world. i’ve got other things to do.
you know what’s crazy about all this. it feels like it’s so easy. like all i had to do was just, do other things. of course, i’m not going to get ahead of myself, however, i really have noticed that in these last four days with the exception of maybe one or two occasions: porn and wanting to masturbate has not been on my mind, at all.
although recently, i’ve had some strong thoughts of wanting to be with my crush (limerent thoughts). but i feel like i have been countering that very well also, by focusing on the things going on right in front of me and also trying not to dwell on the possibilities of our potential romance and instead just focus on our real connection: our friendship (the shared experiences; no interpretation of what i think happened, just simply what actually happen). i feel like today was great, i got to hang out with her and another teammate of mine. we just walked around campus, joked, and talked about a slew of things. i appreciate that i got to spend some time with her for a while: simple as that. detaching from this obsessive mindset is just as important to me as detaching from porn addiction: to me, it’s all the same.
unfortunately, it seems like the cold’s going around and i’ve been feeling not my best. i have to get up very early tomorrow since i’ll be attending my best friend’s graduation from boot camp which is out in like san diego. anyways, i’m going to stick to the course.
porn is not an option. that shit doesn’t exist in my world. i’ve got other things to do.
chap
Member
DAY 9
can’t believe i’ve made it to nine days pmo free—this is the longest i have been pmo free! these last few days, i’ve had some extremely strong urges, especially in my sleep—just before i wake up. but i’ve been able to keep my cool and try to continue to live my life.
lately, from time to time, i find myself fighting my irrational thoughts and intrusive thoughts, but i feel confident in saying i am winning most of these battles. i have found that verbally talking to myself has been a good way for me to rationalize and organize my thoughts.
girl troubles, man. xD! i think it’s actually going pretty well though. developing our bond as genuine friends matters most to me though. i’ve really been wanting to get back into watching a show or a movie, i miss it. my routine consists of run, study, sleep. in between are periods of youtube, and being with people like my crush. maybe this coming month, i can create and fit the time to indulge in a movie or a show. i’ve been wanting to watch any millenium era godzilla movie, the menu, the last of us, and wonder egg priority. cheerio.
porn is not an option. that shit doesn’t exist in my world. i’ve got other things to do.
can’t believe i’ve made it to nine days pmo free—this is the longest i have been pmo free! these last few days, i’ve had some extremely strong urges, especially in my sleep—just before i wake up. but i’ve been able to keep my cool and try to continue to live my life.
lately, from time to time, i find myself fighting my irrational thoughts and intrusive thoughts, but i feel confident in saying i am winning most of these battles. i have found that verbally talking to myself has been a good way for me to rationalize and organize my thoughts.
girl troubles, man. xD! i think it’s actually going pretty well though. developing our bond as genuine friends matters most to me though. i’ve really been wanting to get back into watching a show or a movie, i miss it. my routine consists of run, study, sleep. in between are periods of youtube, and being with people like my crush. maybe this coming month, i can create and fit the time to indulge in a movie or a show. i’ve been wanting to watch any millenium era godzilla movie, the menu, the last of us, and wonder egg priority. cheerio.
porn is not an option. that shit doesn’t exist in my world. i’ve got other things to do.
chap
Member
DAY 13 —> DAY 0
starting back at day zero of no pmo. that’s alright. here’s what i can take away from these last 13 days:
• i can keep myself occupied, very much so to the point that engaging in pmo is not even desirable or tempting
• establishing real connection and interaction with real people, especially with my crush, feels way better than the sensation after i pmo
• there will be triggers, and they will come at you like curveballs. expect them when you least expect them.
• then figure out, how you can make yourself so occupied to a point where you will not fall into that temptation.
it was about time until i’d break my longest streak. let that be known. although i relapsed, i did not give up without a fight. i was constantly battling my thoughts and trying to rationalize that this is some kind of withdrawal and that i must focus on the task at hand. but unfortunately, i found a way to give in.
earlier this week, on wednesday, i had a very similar situation. the way i was able to not give in was to draw my crush for as long as i needed to to get pmo off my mind and just think about my crush—not that that’s any better, but i definitely halted any action i previously had wanted to take. now however, i did not do that this time. next time, i challenge myself to throw an activity right in front of my temptation to steer me away from it.
there’s plenty to learn from this. i’ll start back up from zero and make my way to day 14 in no time.
porn is not an option. that shit doesn’t exist in my world. i’ve got other things to do.
starting back at day zero of no pmo. that’s alright. here’s what i can take away from these last 13 days:
• i can keep myself occupied, very much so to the point that engaging in pmo is not even desirable or tempting
• establishing real connection and interaction with real people, especially with my crush, feels way better than the sensation after i pmo
• there will be triggers, and they will come at you like curveballs. expect them when you least expect them.
• then figure out, how you can make yourself so occupied to a point where you will not fall into that temptation.
it was about time until i’d break my longest streak. let that be known. although i relapsed, i did not give up without a fight. i was constantly battling my thoughts and trying to rationalize that this is some kind of withdrawal and that i must focus on the task at hand. but unfortunately, i found a way to give in.
earlier this week, on wednesday, i had a very similar situation. the way i was able to not give in was to draw my crush for as long as i needed to to get pmo off my mind and just think about my crush—not that that’s any better, but i definitely halted any action i previously had wanted to take. now however, i did not do that this time. next time, i challenge myself to throw an activity right in front of my temptation to steer me away from it.
there’s plenty to learn from this. i’ll start back up from zero and make my way to day 14 in no time.
porn is not an option. that shit doesn’t exist in my world. i’ve got other things to do.
Simon2
Active Member
Yes. To make porn not be an option, you have to not entertain any thoughts about giving in at all. Just don't even consider what it would feel like to give in now, what you could look at, whether you should open your browser. Etc. That's where it needs to stop. At least that's what's working for me...
Blondie
Respected Member
Nice job on putting up the fight @chap, that is definitely something to feel good about. What matters here is that you're learning what works and what doesn't for you, and that IS true progress. I remember back in my 20s trying to quit looking at porn for my crush too, but it never worked. No matter how great women are, especially the ones in our lives that touch us and move us, at the end of the day, we have to stop this only for ourselves. Because, if that crush is not reciprocal, or the relationship ends, then it's easy to go back to porn, because you did it for them and not for yourself. At least that's a lesson I've learned over the last too many years! Yes, do it for them, because we all want to have great relationships, but also and most importantly, do it for yourself because you deserve to be the best man you can be. They call that an internal locus of control is psychology.
Keep killing it man, day 14 is just around the corner.
Keep killing it man, day 14 is just around the corner.
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chap
Member
as always, thanks for offering some helpful insight @Blondie ! you’re definitely right about stopping for yourself, i’ll continue to affirm to myself that this journey is for me and my well-being. not for the benefit of anyone else. of course, i continue this battle for the betterment of my current and potential relationships, but this is ultimately for myself!Nice job on putting up the fight @chap, that is definitely something to feel good about. What matters here is that you're learning what works and what doesn't for you, and that IS true progress. I remember back in my 20s trying to quit looking at porn for my crush too, but it never worked. No matter how great women are, especially the ones in our lives that touch us and move us, at the end of the day, we have to stop this only for ourselves. Because, if that crush is not reciprocal, or the relationship ends, then it's easy to go back to porn, because you did it for them and not for yourself. At least that's a lesson I've learned over the last too many years! Yes, do it for them, because we all want to have great relationships, but also and most importantly, do it for yourself because you deserve to be the best man you can be. They call that an internal locus of control is psychology.
Keep killing it man, day 14 is just around the corner.
just around the corner!
chap
Member
been holed up in my room practically this whole day; about to head for work soon. but have this to say: the chaser effect is in effect
since my relapse last night, i have given in 3 more times. i watched a video on the chaser effect and want to remind myself that this is natural after relapse. i am not afraid that i am falling back. i am understanding that i have to fight my brain. it’s cast under a spell and i need to save it. sounds corny, but it makes sense to me.
not once during any of my times since i last relapsed did i feel good or think this was right while engaging in pmo. the feeling sucks and makes you feel unclear, lethargic, unhappy, unregulated, depressed, anxious, guilty, shameful, the list goes on.
keep the course. fight the urges. break the chain. keep your head up. and learn, learn, learn.
since my relapse last night, i have given in 3 more times. i watched a video on the chaser effect and want to remind myself that this is natural after relapse. i am not afraid that i am falling back. i am understanding that i have to fight my brain. it’s cast under a spell and i need to save it. sounds corny, but it makes sense to me.
not once during any of my times since i last relapsed did i feel good or think this was right while engaging in pmo. the feeling sucks and makes you feel unclear, lethargic, unhappy, unregulated, depressed, anxious, guilty, shameful, the list goes on.
keep the course. fight the urges. break the chain. keep your head up. and learn, learn, learn.
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Sorry to hear you're struggling. Have you thought about an online 12-Step group? Are you exercising?
And if things get rough, consider texting HOME to 741741. That will connect you with a volunteer Crisis Counselor. You could also consider texting 988 - Suicide and Crisis Lifeline - https://988lifeline.org/
And if things get rough, consider texting HOME to 741741. That will connect you with a volunteer Crisis Counselor. You could also consider texting 988 - Suicide and Crisis Lifeline - https://988lifeline.org/
Hang in there Chap, I’ve been there many many times myself. Your nearly two weeks shows a ton of progress and don’t let shame and self judgement amplify the negative pmo effects and thoughts.
Focus on something small like walking around the block while listening to something encouraging or enjoyable. “Radical Self care”, a meditation from the Calm app is a recent good one I’ve been listening to.
Rebuilding momentum after a slip is difficult but it is an essential skill. Slips happen and the act of getting up is amazing progress. Remember, it only takes two to build momentum. Everything from two seconds, to two minutes, to two hours, to two weeks and beyond.
Sending you long distance encouragement from someone who’s been there. You are enough and you are going to find success.
Self love and self care my friend,
Kraken
SmokenMirrors
Well-Known Member
I had a relapse identical to yours before I hit the streak I have today, you got this man!
chap
Member
i haven’t tried an online 12-step group, however i do exercise a lot. i appreciate your online support!
chap
Member
hey @Kraken i really appreciate your message. especially on valentine’s day, it can be hard to resist the temptation to engage in pmo. after reading this i’m feeling a lot better and powerful. i’ve been sulking a little bit today since it’s couples day and i have a lot of homework to catch up on.
chap
Member
i’ll catch up! come back in 12 days!!