hi, i’m chap :)

chap

Active Member
It's okay @chap, don't let this beat you down brother. This latest streak of mine started at one of the worst moments in my life, telling my girlfriend that I had been looking at more than just porn for a year. But here I am, doing better than ever.

You got this.

Best
i got this! i won’t let this slip beat me down, thank you for sharing your own personal experience. it reminds me that im not alone!
 

Kraken

Well-Known Member
i got this! i won’t let this slip beat me down, thank you for sharing your own personal experience. it reminds me that im not alone!
Definitely not alone, just two-ish weeks ago I had to tell my fiancé that I was struggling with hardcore pmo again after not using it for over three years. Shit’s tough sometimes. But it’s far better to be making progress than hiding things. Those three months I was using hardcore pmo and hiding it were kind of hell. I feel a ton better now that I am back in the forum and moving forward once again. Life has its ups and downs but it’s worth the ride.

What has been working for you in this journey?


Sending you the best,

Kraken
 

chap

Active Member
Definitely not alone, just two-ish weeks ago I had to tell my fiancé that I was struggling with hardcore pmo again after not using it for over three years. Shit’s tough sometimes. But it’s far better to be making progress than hiding things. Those three months I was using hardcore pmo and hiding it were kind of hell. I feel a ton better now that I am back in the forum and moving forward once again. Life has its ups and downs but it’s worth the ride.

What has been working for you in this journey?


Sending you the best,

Kraken
wow, kudos to you for being able to speak with your fiancé about your struggle. i think that is a very powerful thing to do. i have a pretty small, but supportive group of close friends and select few family members who are aware of my journey. i hope your fiancé supports you in your journey as well!

one thing i noticed after my recent relapse is how anxious and hidden i was when it came to my devices. since previously, i’d have stocks of porn and screenshots of people i know—and the fear of being exposed or someone finding out constantly kept me on edge and even irritable about people using my devices. i feel far better actually KNOWING i have nothing to hide when i am committed to this journey of never returning to porn. so i definitely agree with you in regards to making progress over hiding.

i did not realize how essential this forum is for all the men, women, and others who have vowed to make this crucial change in their life—this has been one thing that’s actually making this journey even possible for me. i have no idea who any of the members on this forum are, but we all collectively have a common goal and offer different pov’s as well as insights into the path of becoming. there’s also a level of anonymity that—i believe, in my opinion—makes a lot of us feel CAPABLE of telling our stories and being VULNERABLE, which is a virtue that many of us, oftentimes men, unfortunately are not encouraged to exercise. with that said, this forum makes a big difference!

one thing i’ve also tried to practice is being occupied. the busier you are, the more things you have to do, the more people you’re around, then the less likely you’ll be able to even have the opportunity to engage in pmo. now, that may not always be the case. i noticed there have been times where my urges were so strong even in the most busy of situations, and i’d find a way to sneak a slip in. easily put, keep yourself so occupied that you don’t even think about pmo.

i tend to think A LOT. and probably 90% of the time, they’re irrational, negative thoughts. i think this is important just in general. every day is an opportunity to challenge your thoughts and that psyche of yours. what has helped me do that is to externalize my thoughts and have a conversation with them—LITERALLY. i’ve noticed that verbally conversing with myself (on my solo runs, walking by myself when there’s no one around, or driving in my car by myself) has greatly reduced levels of uncertainty as well as rationalize the irrational. many times you may lose the battle and succumb to your negative thoughts, but ultimately, we have control over them. i think the effort to try to change how you think is big though. very big. similar to how we have to fight the urge to pmo, sometimes we slip, but we can learn and grow from it, right?

TLDR: kudos to you kraken! heightened anxiety and irritability when hiding pmo ways—progress>hiding. forum is extremely essential in path to becoming. keep yourself so occupied that you don’t have a chance to even think about pmo. talk to yourself, literally.

btw. i’m finishing up day 5. a week has nearly passed already with no pmo. that’s what i’m flipping talkin’ about! i’m going crazy over my crush and that’s got me jaded a bit. i’m doing the best i can to not think about her and just focus on me. i have a track meet tomorrow and i’ve had some pretty bad race anxiety this whole day. i’m going to run the 3k and the mile, wish me luck!
 

Kraken

Well-Known Member
wow, kudos to you for being able to speak with your fiancé about your struggle. i think that is a very powerful thing to do. i have a pretty small, but supportive group of close friends and select few family members who are aware of my journey. i hope your fiancé supports you in your journey as well!

one thing i noticed after my recent relapse is how anxious and hidden i was when it came to my devices. since previously, i’d have stocks of porn and screenshots of people i know—and the fear of being exposed or someone finding out constantly kept me on edge and even irritable about people using my devices. i feel far better actually KNOWING i have nothing to hide when i am committed to this journey of never returning to porn. so i definitely agree with you in regards to making progress over hiding.

i did not realize how essential this forum is for all the men, women, and others who have vowed to make this crucial change in their life—this has been one thing that’s actually making this journey even possible for me. i have no idea who any of the members on this forum are, but we all collectively have a common goal and offer different pov’s as well as insights into the path of becoming. there’s also a level of anonymity that—i believe, in my opinion—makes a lot of us feel CAPABLE of telling our stories and being VULNERABLE, which is a virtue that many of us, oftentimes men, unfortunately are not encouraged to exercise. with that said, this forum makes a big difference!

one thing i’ve also tried to practice is being occupied. the busier you are, the more things you have to do, the more people you’re around, then the less likely you’ll be able to even have the opportunity to engage in pmo. now, that may not always be the case. i noticed there have been times where my urges were so strong even in the most busy of situations, and i’d find a way to sneak a slip in. easily put, keep yourself so occupied that you don’t even think about pmo.

i tend to think A LOT. and probably 90% of the time, they’re irrational, negative thoughts. i think this is important just in general. every day is an opportunity to challenge your thoughts and that psyche of yours. what has helped me do that is to externalize my thoughts and have a conversation with them—LITERALLY. i’ve noticed that verbally conversing with myself (on my solo runs, walking by myself when there’s no one around, or driving in my car by myself) has greatly reduced levels of uncertainty as well as rationalize the irrational. many times you may lose the battle and succumb to your negative thoughts, but ultimately, we have control over them. i think the effort to try to change how you think is big though. very big. similar to how we have to fight the urge to pmo, sometimes we slip, but we can learn and grow from it, right?

TLDR: kudos to you kraken! heightened anxiety and irritability when hiding pmo ways—progress>hiding. forum is extremely essential in path to becoming. keep yourself so occupied that you don’t have a chance to even think about pmo. talk to yourself, literally.

btw. i’m finishing up day 5. a week has nearly passed already with no pmo. that’s what i’m flipping talkin’ about! i’m going crazy over my crush and that’s got me jaded a bit. i’m doing the best i can to not think about her and just focus on me. i have a track meet tomorrow and i’ve had some pretty bad race anxiety this whole day. i’m going to run the 3k and the mile, wish me luck!
Good luck! Thanks for all the great details in your reply!

Kraken
 

chap

Active Member
it’s honestly going pretty well, @Kraken ! i’ve been able to keep myself occupied so i haven’t even had time or chances to think about pmo. ofc i have had a few urges—i even thought i might’ve relapsed, but it had turned out i was just dreaming.

running has been well. tired, but well haha. my finances and my school are taking a toll on me though, so that’s been a bit frustrating. but i’m taking it day by day just like with my reboot journey. thanks for checking in!

DAY 9 and counting! porn is not an option. that shit shit doesn’t exist in my world. i’ve got other things to do.
 

Kraken

Well-Known Member
it’s honestly going pretty well, @Kraken ! i’ve been able to keep myself occupied so i haven’t even had time or chances to think about pmo. ofc i have had a few urges—i even thought i might’ve relapsed, but it had turned out i was just dreaming.

running has been well. tired, but well haha. my finances and my school are taking a toll on me though, so that’s been a bit frustrating. but i’m taking it day by day just like with my reboot journey. thanks for checking in!

DAY 9 and counting! porn is not an option. that shit shit doesn’t exist in my world. i’ve got other things to do.
That’s great! I tried running before but I only enjoyed it in the context of playing soccer. Recently I’ve been swimming and that’s been a lot of fun. I was feeling pretty out of it today but after a swim I felt much more grounded. I imagine running does that too.
 

chap

Active Member
That’s great! I tried running before but I only enjoyed it in the context of playing soccer. Recently I’ve been swimming and that’s been a lot of fun. I was feeling pretty out of it today but after a swim I felt much more grounded. I imagine running does that too.
yes! can’t stress enough how important exercise is for the body during a reboot. running to me, very often, is my sanctuary. i find comfort in the people i run with and with the act itself, sometimes i need to be by myself and run.

whatever mode it is, i implore everyone to stick to it. whether that be soccer, swimming, running, hitting the gym, or just going out for walks. EXERCISE!
 

Kraken

Well-Known Member
yes! can’t stress enough how important exercise is for the body during a reboot. running to me, very often, is my sanctuary. i find comfort in the people i run with and with the act itself, sometimes i need to be by myself and run.

whatever mode it is, i implore everyone to stick to it. whether that be soccer, swimming, running, hitting the gym, or just going out for walks. EXERCISE!
That’s awesome! Keep up the good work
 

chap

Active Member
relapsed today. i was able to make it a whole ten days. i noticed where i slipped. i had an opportunity to look at p, out of curiosity, then found myself engaging in pmo. to my surprise, i’m not devastated by this—of course i never feel great after i pmo, but this time felt like, “okay, we relapsed. this is okay. let’s get back up.”

that is all. school is killing me. i can’t focus—at all. and i keep eating! *cry*
 

chap

Active Member
DAY 4

ima keep it real with y’all. im so stressed out and frustrated with school (im so flippin’ behind in one class) and my emotions/feelings are getting the best of me since i keep overthinking and thinking negative thoughts about my crush (like jumping straight to the conclusion that she doesn’t like me back). the urges to pmo are heightened since im on edge right now. like doing it would actually temporarily relieve me. but check that out, temporarily. i can take the easy way and give in to my impulsivities or i can be in the thick of it, and try to work with my mind and body when it’s in a state of discomfort and very low stages of panic. i think i have been regressing in regards to my obsessive, needy, clingy behaviors/tendencies and i want to challenge myself to once again practice to detach from this state of limerence and attachment to my phone. i also challenge myself to be enthusiastic and excited to try to accomplish and catch up on school.

my mom just came up to me and told me to go to sleep, i told her i got to stay up to get some more work done, she reassured me that everything will turn out fine. i believe her, everything does turn out fine in the end. my coach says you gotta be tough in the middle; in running, the second and third lap of a mile is known to be the hardest part of the race because so many runners fall off. but it’s the few of us that play it tough in the middle that will push through and set a new pr! i believe this to be the case today and for the few days that are about to approach. it’s going to be rough, i will probably continue to feel like poop, but i’m going to be tough in the middle (still be smart though and respect my mind and body of course).

tldr: school = stress. crush+emotions = stress. school(crush+emotions) = double stress. regressing in certain behaviors and tendencies, want to detach from limerent state of mind and technology. challenge myself to take on school with a positive attitude. thank you mom, i will be tough in the middle.

acquaint yourself with the feeling of suffering. the feeling of giving up, extreme loss of motivation, brain fog, etc. recognize it. do what you can to protect yourself and prepare yourself for when those instance may occur. now i’m going to take a nap, and get some of this work done!
 

Androg

Administrator
Admin
Moderator
Be gentle with yourself. Withdrawal may be making things tougher. The good news is that they will eventually subside if you stay strong.
 

chap

Active Member
@Androg thanks for reminding myself to treat myself with more grace. i think we all know all too often how our biggest critics are ourselves. i’ll get through this, without pmo!
 

chap

Active Member
usually every mondays i go to starbucks with my crush and her friend. today i showed them something on my computer and i had a tab of reboot nation opened up but the tab had the word, “porn” on it. my heart sank, when i had realized that it was just a RN tab i felt okay, but my reboot journey is still something that i don’t feel comfortable with sharing with people so i didn’t disclose that it was a reboot forum.

my crush noticed it and pointed it out. i actually didn’t even know that i had left a RN tab open which in no way is bad—just that it’s something i don’t share with others. but i just played it off and said something like, “i swear it isn’t the bad thing,” jokingly/sincerely. and i’m not wrong, it most definitely is not the bad thing, but it may come off that way. either way, she didn’t seem weird about it at all. at least i couldn’t tell. but after that, everything felt weird for me and i feel a little weird/upset now.

i know that it’s my anxiety and overthinking making me feel this way. so i’ll try to rationalize that, “yes, my crush saw a tab of my reboot forum and it happened to say ‘porn’ (and as a matter of fact, it actually was porn is not an option). you can think about how she perceives you now all you want, but that won’t change how you interact with her. our true, shared experience will ultimately weigh out the character in our relationship (friendship).”

i hope that i can talk to them about my reboot someday, but i don’t even know how i’d mention it. i just don’t know how comfortable i am about talking about that part of me yet. and i’m still trying to garner the courage to open up to my crush about how i feel about her and asking her on a date. frustrates me. i get mixed signals from her, but i feel like i have some signs pointing to me saying that she may just like me as a friend. but she’s introverted so i get confused!

sorry i ranted a little.
 

Kraken

Well-Known Member
Keep up the good work chap! I think it’s worth thinking a bit about how you plan to manage stress. I noticed in your relapse post that you were going through a super stressful period and that is when it happened. I think that’s significant and something I’ve experienced personally.

Stress happens and will continue happen so it is worth making a plan of how to relieve that stress and manage it so that it doesn’t take over. As Zig Ziglar once said, “The problem is when you are feeling down (or stressed) many times you are grasping at straws, and sometimes you choose the wrong straw”. It’s worth keeping up the habits that reduce your stress and make you feel amazing. That way you are less likely to grab the wrong straw since you will be down less of the time.

And I wouldn’t worry too much about how your crush feels about seeing the reboot nation tab open. If she is American and not religious she most likely doesn’t see p as a bad thing. You could always phrase it along the lines that you find p to be an unhelpful habit and are getting help navigating that journey.

Kraken
 

chap

Active Member
dang! @Kraken i wish i had seen your post thirty minutes ago. i just slipped! i’m not actually stressed about it though. because i know exactly what it was that set me off and sent me down the rabbit hole that lasted for an extremely short time.

it was an instagram story of someone that i’m acquainted with. i couldn’t help but look at it. lo’ and behold, an enticing image for the recovering rebooter. over this week, i’m going to focus on restricting the accounts i have access to seeing on my social media, because i don’t want to have to cut it out entirely—however, if this continues to be a problem; i’ll pull the plug.

i really want to reduce my screen time on my devices—especially my phone. so maybe doing a brief social media detox may be impending.

as for your comment about stress, thank you! i want to grab the right straws. the ones that help relax and calm my mind and body when it needs some rest, and also challenges it to work when the getting gets tough.

and thanks, when you put it into that perspective i feel better. i’ll do what i can to not let that one moment define what our relationship is, because it really wasn’t anything significant. and even when i do bring it up sometime, talking about improving myself should not steer her away—at least i hope not xD!
 

chap

Active Member
chaser effect got me again yesterday. this time it wasn’t good, one thought led to another and i found myself not only relapsing to pmo, but i impulsively went to get fast food, then proceeded to buy a large bag of chips and eat them.

i’ve noticed that when i slip, it’s like this full mini reset where i get to do the things i want.

i remember seeing something, it might’ve been some sort of andrew huberman quote, idk, but it went like, “if it’s high dopamine with minimal work, then it’s not good for you”

it’s so easy for me to to give in to watch p “one last time,” it’s so easy to get fast food and say, “i’m going to change it up after this one.”

i remember blondie’s post where he talks about do we truly want to quit or are we just pretending to. i feel like we should remind ourselves that daily, heck as often as freaking possible. because i find myself in the weakest positions of willpower and always give in.

last night was interesting since it felt pretty “backwards” compared to the last couple of weeks. i’ll keep reflecting, and trying to remind myself why i’m quitting in the first place. i want to be better, and not become a slave again to my own old mind
 
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