Taking Control of My Life

[CAOB_86]

I have been battling porn addiction for the better part of 10 years. I have been using porn since I was probably 12 or 13. I'm tired of letting it control me and my impulses. I'm tired of letting it rob me of my desire to interact sexually with my wife.

I have been here before but haven't been back in some time because I'm afraid to face the past and the mistakes I have made. I can't do that forever and I can't drown myself in self indulgence for comfort in lue of changing. I need to take control of my life. I need to do right for myself and my family. Thanks to all in the community for your support.

 

[CAOB_86]

Today is day 2 and so far things are alright. I have been recovering from COVID and becoming a little stir crazy. I'm on my own in my house under quarantine and I just want to get through these next days alone before I return to the world and try to be productive.

 

[CAOB_86]

Reset counter to day 0. I need to refocus on the importance of this process. It's so easy to forget what is actually important to you when you get distracted by temptation. Focus on the reasons not to watch porn. Focus on why you are here. Pick yourself up and keep going.

 

[Deleted member 28870]

You can do it! Just stick with it one day at a time - that's all any of us have.

 

[CAOB_86]

Thanks West Coast! I have been feeling better since I have recovered from COVID and now out of isolation. I am now on day 4, which is the longest streak since I started this account. I'm just gonna take it like you said and focus on one day at a time.

 

[CAOB_86]

Day 5 free of porn. Gonna stay the course

 

[CAOB_86]

Day 6 no porn. I feel pretty good porn wise right now. The one problem I have trouble letting go of at the same time is masturbating. I think I like to cling to it like it's a remnant of my sexuality with porn use. I have trouble separating what is a natural process that everybody does, fantasizing sexual thoughts from slipping over the edge into porn type fantasy.

Is every fantasy during masturbation porn type or is there a line to cross? If so where is it? Should I be abstaining from all sexual thought and desire right now? How do I be active with my wife during all of this mess?

Does anyone have any thoughts? I could use some perspective! Thank you!

 

[tl23]

Day 6 no porn. I feel pretty good porn wise right now. The one problem I have trouble letting go of at the same time is masturbating. I think I like to cling to it like it's a remnant of my sexuality with porn use. I have trouble separating what is a natural process that everybody does, fantasizing sexual thoughts from slipping over the edge into porn type fantasy.

Is every fantasy during masturbation porn type or is there a line to cross? If so where is it? Should I be abstaining from all sexual thought and desire right now? How do I be active with my wife during all of this mess?

Does anyone have any thoughts? I could use some perspective! Thank you!

Hey there! I think these are all solid questions and I definitely don’t have the answers.

For me, I found it helpful to go completely no sexual activity for 30 days. I don’t struggle with PIED, but I read (and my therapist suggested) 30 days as a start.

Now that I’m on the other side of that, I’ve gradually reintroduced M, but no PMO.

I think everyone’s journey is different. But, I will say that it was really satisfying to be able to masturbate with my own imagination of my wife or reveling in just good feelings rather than P.

For me, when I found myself still imagining P when M, it was a good indicator that I should cease all of it for a while.

Good luck with your journey! We’re all here for each other.

 

[CAOB_86]

Thanks for the response t123. You have some good points. 30 days free of sexuality would help to reset me for sure. It is an achievable goal and really anything helps at this point.

I am feeling now that I am on day 9 that porn cravings, porn fantasy, and porn type fantasy while masturbating have been flooding my brain more and more. I usually feel these cravings increase around this time. Concentrating on staying the path!