A Righteous Struggle

podvig

Member
Hi,

I'm a twenty eight year old male, living in the Midlands, UK. I first started watching porn around age 11/12. I never considered myself much of an "addict" until around 2019/20, when my dependency started to grow and social isolation/loneliness started to increase. However, when I look back on my youth and formative years, I realise that I was just as addicted as everyone else, and that I am very much a part of this unfortunate generation of "guinea pigs", taking part in the "great porn experiment" of these past few decades.

I would say my willpower generally is pretty good. I have managed to abstain from pornography and alcohol and other bad habits or indulgences without much external support in the past, but they eventually break down the barriers so I need to employ some new methods. I've recently found myself in a closer relationship with God, and using prayer has been of tremendous benefit, and something I have been foolish to neglect or dismiss in my weaker moments. I must be more vigilant in this regard. Also I've been going to Church almost every Sunday for a few months now, and I've discovered that whenever I don't make it to Liturgy that my heart and mind quickly starts to descend into degeneracy and decadence.

I already know what I need to do, but I'm struggling with the execution. I'm not sure how long I need to keep a journal, or how consistently it needs updating. Just by having this thread I think it will be a great boon to my recovery. There's still a lot I need to read up on, especially the 'Your Brain on Porn' resources which I started looking through today.

Also, I would like to explain what finally inspired me to start a journal, the catalyst moment, and why I am recording my struggles against pornography.

I recently became addicted to an online brothel (there's no better way to describe it...) with the domain name Stripchat, which some here may be familiar with. There are many variations of it but, as I mentioned, it is essentially a digital marketplace of camgirls and prostitutes, who sit behind the webcam and perform sex acts for paying participants. It ranges from innocent to very kinky/freakish, and caters to all types. It is free to join (go figure...) but to get more interaction, one needs an account with paid tokens, where you can buzz the bluetooth-activated toy and have this faux-sexual experience, stimulating the model through your tokens, with instant effect, as well as making requests for certain acts on the screen. You can go private too and have them all to yourself. It is set up with a social media vibe, so you can like the models, message them, build a reputation, and much more. It sounds like I am trying to sell it, but this is cathartic for me. I can now look back on what I have written and begin to realise the horror of my involvement with this platform, and just how much I have been obsessed with it.

Porn addiction affects people in vastly different ways. I am surprised that it has been mainly this live element of online webcam girls that has really sunk me into a deeper pit of despair, rather than the more typical way of consuming copious amounts of online porn videos. I've never been one for porn movies, or long-form content, yet this Stripchat platform would have me scrolling for hours and hours at times, jumping from model to model, trying to figure out which one I can focus all my attention on. I have found my most pernicious vice it seems. Porn in the past would be an intermittent nuisance at most, but now I can see where my real struggle lies, with this online brothel environment. Over this past weekend, I strongly considered actually meeting a real life prostitute or call-girl, and getting an erotic massage or just going to their apartment for an in-call. I was very close, but opted for Stripchat instead, saving me a physical journey but no less damaging impact on my soul. This temptation still lurks within me, and I haven't yet rooted out this desire. I must do so if I want to stand a fighting chance against this addiction.

I've spent the past few months trying to implement a prayer rule, recently coming closer to God and Christ, so I know that the devil and his agents are working non-stop to pull me away from His grace, and bury me in the filth of sin to keep me detached from Him. This s most definitely the "Spiritual Warfare". This is why I have chosen the title "A Righteous Struggle", because this is certainly not an easy path to take, as the easy path would be masturbating all day and watching pornography without limits and having sex with hookers and wasting away. This is the way of the world, in which the devil is king. However, the narrow path, the road less travelled, which leads to virtue and the world to come, where Christ sits at the right hand of the Father in heaven; this is the podvig or spiritual struggle, and this is what I am seeking. Also I'd encourage anyone to read up on the definition and usage of this word 'povig', within the Orthodox Church, as it frames my situation well: http://orthodoxinfo.com/praxis/theveil_podvig.aspx

I already sense that this is going to be a tremendously difficult task, due to how much I have become obsessed with this online brothel environment recently. I am hoping that little by little, I can begin to put away the 'old man' of porn addiction, beta-male/simp-like behaviour, and become the 'new man' of faith and purity, by regaining my masculinity, virility, realigning with my objectives, coming closer to Christ, increasing my network, excelling in my day-to-day work, improving my career prospects, getting fitter, healthier, stronger, more determined, consistent, attaining peace of soul, purity of heart and sharpness of mind, and to begin every day with a sense of gratitude and thanksgiving, as the Lord grants me another day to struggle and have another chance at redemption, repentance and remission of sins. I am forever in His debt as an unworthy sinner, and I am simply amazed at His patience and lovingkindness, that he would allow me to fall so destructively and wrecklessly, again and again, constantly in betrayal, but like any loving Father he awaits my return, always ready to embrace me with love, forgive my sins and cleanse my soul. (NB - Today is Father's Day in the UK, and not having the presence of my father growing up has contributed to much of my dissatisfaction in life and tendency to fall into despair and addiction, although this situation is more common than it is unique these days, but now I have found my Heavenly Father, who guides me on this lonely path and leads me to a greater place - I still need more earthly father figures though, this is something I am looking to improve)

Thank you for reading about my podvig, or spiritual struggle. I hope that I can achieve my goals with the help of this forum and the accountability it provides. I will try to post regularly, although it will likely not be every single day, maybe every other day or 3/4 times a week, even if it is a short update with things I have discovered. I've found that interacting on forums has a great educational benefit, and even without having anyone read/comment on your thread, just the act of writing it down and relaying to others is a kind of tutoring, which helps one understand the issue better.

Let's hope this is the beginning of a long, fruitful recovery, where I can regain my manhood, self-control, integrity and spiritual foundation.

I will close with a quote about persistence and perseverance which I will attempt to remind myself of each and every day of this struggle:

Nothing in the world can take the place of persistence. Talent will not; nothing is more common than unsuccessful men with talent. Genius will not; unrewarded genius is almost a proverb. Education will not; the world is full of educated derelicts. Persistence and determination alone are omnipotent. The slogan "Press On!" has solved and always will solve the problems of the human race.
- Calvin Coolidge​
 

anubu0

Active Member
Hey podvig; welcome to the forum!

First, you should be extremely proud of yourself for sitting down and self-introspecting. It's a really difficult task for most porn users and addicts to do and you were able to do it extremely well and identify not only your problems but your goals in life. Your desire to destroy the porn addict image of yourself and to build a masculine, successful, and devoted man is something that I really empathize with and I am excited for what you can achieve.

Second, you alluded to this early on in your post, but a strong willpower will not be enough to get through this addiction. Use the motivation, devotion, and work ethic you have to build a structured, organized life that simply has no room for porn use. Constructing these habits, and eventually replacing motivation with sheer discipline is crucial. I recommend reading some yourbrainonporn articles which recommend actionable steps for you to take to protect your future, unmotivated, and tired self from porn use. I am personally trying to construct daily morning and nighttime habits to give my life structure, and practicing mindfulness and gratitude journaling to maintain my optimism.

You got this!
 

podvig

Member
Hey podvig; welcome to the forum!

First, you should be extremely proud of yourself for sitting down and self-introspecting. It's a really difficult task for most porn users and addicts to do and you were able to do it extremely well and identify not only your problems but your goals in life. Your desire to destroy the porn addict image of yourself and to build a masculine, successful, and devoted man is something that I really empathize with and I am excited for what you can achieve.

Second, you alluded to this early on in your post, but a strong willpower will not be enough to get through this addiction. Use the motivation, devotion, and work ethic you have to build a structured, organized life that simply has no room for porn use. Constructing these habits, and eventually replacing motivation with sheer discipline is crucial. I recommend reading some yourbrainonporn articles which recommend actionable steps for you to take to protect your future, unmotivated, and tired self from porn use. I am personally trying to construct daily morning and nighttime habits to give my life structure, and practicing mindfulness and gratitude journaling to maintain my optimism.

You got this!

Thank you, I appreciate your response. I have been engaging with some more 'yourbrainonporn' articles and videos, so the process is becoming clearer. I will be glad to get rid of this habit once and for all!
 

podvig

Member
Day #1

Yesterday's original post was technically Day Zero as it was more of an introduction, so this was my first proper day trying to abstain from it. They say Days 1-3 can be some of the toughest and I was ill-prepared for it. I did not begin on the right footing. I stayed up very late and woke up a few hours later feeling ill, so my strength to resist temptation was low. I managed to avoid engaging with any pornographic material for most of the day, but after doing a voice memo to myself, rambling about my failures these past few weeks and how I capitulated to this low state, I allowed myself to become idle for too long, and the temptation crept up on me and I relapsed. It was brief and reactionary, so I tried my best not to 'enjoy' it so much, but I didn't do so well today.

Tomorrow, I will be restarting my early wake-up routine, beginning my prayer rule again, Bible study and nightly journalling. If you don't begin the day well, the rest tends to fall along with it, that was my mistake this morning. I also called in sick and didn't go to work, but I work remote anyway so it wasn't a big difference. I'm dreading my work at the moment too, even though it is not that strenuous, but I am struggling greatly with it. I have distanced myself socially too, so I've never felt so isolated in all my life. Add to that the guilt and shame cycle from the porn usage and it's a perfect cocktail of toxic living. I desperately need change. I am very frustrated with myself but I need to have more patience, and to wait for the fruits of my abstinence to grow.

I'm feeling more optimistic about tomorrow. Let's hope it will be a brighter day, and with God's help I can achieve great things.
 

podvig

Member
Day #2

I returned to work today so I remained focused and busy with tasks, i think this is the key to defeating the addiction, or any addiction really; to be constantly engaged in something and always focused on a task or an objective or goal. Any idle moment or slothful indulgence allows the devil to creep in and whisper evil temptations into your ear. If you remain diligent and always moving, whether it be physically/mentally/spiritually in motion, then you will be able to resist the urges and achieve success.

I need to have more structure to my goals, I tend to have a fractured attention most of the time and pursue too many things without gaining a sense of completion. Came across a book yesterday called "Finish What You Start" by Peter Hollins - this might be a good one to dig into, alongside reading YBOP for all the background on the science of porn addiction, as well as other threads on this forum for more context of how people suffer through this and become victorious.

Also gained a new accountability partner today, @ddrjcb2020 . I'm buzzed to have someone to look out for and someone who I can lean on for support along this road of recovery.

Early days still, but looking forward to the days and weeks ahead.
 

podvig

Member
Day #3

Relapsed again. So frustrating. The more I avoid it, the more it tries to pull me under. I've failed to cut off the source of the temptation at it's root. I've apparently failed to understand that porn is evil. Immediately after relapsing, I caught a pretty inspirational video by the YT channel Trad West:


Having a warfare mentality sounds stressful at first, but it is the good kind of stress that breeds success and prosperity. I am failing hard in many aspects of my life right now. I got into lots of debt last year which has been a stormy cloud over my head ever since. My salary is low and I'm living at home with few friends around me. I struggle to make connections with others because of the corona politics going on. I'm steadily improving but too much isolation causes this corruption of morals and habits I keep experiencing.

I've also noticed alcohol is a massive trigger for me. That's what caused my relapse this evening. If I can defeat alcohol then porn will almost certainly be eliminated too. I can't remember the last time I watched porn while fully sober. I've related this elsewhere on another forum how it tends to drag me down into other sinful behaviours and patterns. I need to quit alcohol completely if I want to stand a chance at living a moderate and responsible life. Coffee too, though porn and alcohol are much more powerful forces at the moment, I can face coffee another day.
 

anubu0

Active Member
Hey Podvig!

No worries man; a relapse is only a failure if you don't learn from it. Good job on identifying alcohol as a trigger and adopting a new mindset. The most important thing right now is to get back on the horse and keep grinding. Don't allow yourself to take a break from achieving your goals. Get 1% better everyday.

Even if you "messed" up and relapsed today, try your best to make sure other aspects of your life are in check. Eat healthy, get some good rest, do some form of exercise. These are all really difficult things to do after a relapse because you just feel so defeated and want to just allow the negativity from watching P to suck up the rest of your life. Don't let this happen!
 

podvig

Member
Hey Podvig!

No worries man; a relapse is only a failure if you don't learn from it. Good job on identifying alcohol as a trigger and adopting a new mindset. The most important thing right now is to get back on the horse and keep grinding. Don't allow yourself to take a break from achieving your goals. Get 1% better everyday.

Even if you "messed" up and relapsed today, try your best to make sure other aspects of your life are in check. Eat healthy, get some good rest, do some form of exercise. These are all really difficult things to do after a relapse because you just feel so defeated and want to just allow the negativity from watching P to suck up the rest of your life. Don't let this happen!

Thank you I appreciate your input!

In terms of exercise, I have an injury that's holding me back but as soon as I'm past that, I can start getting physically fit again. I'm not fat but i'm out of shape and undisciplined physically. After I've done the necessary prep, I will be joining some local clubs, inc. Krav Maga, maybe martial arts, sports clubs, local activities, games etc. I have a challenge to build a local network of Ten guys within ten miles of where I live, strictly offline. At the moment it's at maybe one, although I've neglected speaking to this friend because of all the covid politics and general views over things. But you can't have everyone in agreement, so I have to swallow my pride and get on with building a network of male buddies that can help support me and vice versa. I must admit I've favoured solitude these past few years but I've gone too far and find myself with almost no one to lean on for support these days, which is why I think I keep failing with regards to P and alcohol etc.
 

podvig

Member
Day #4

Much better today. Although I get the sense that these 90 days are going to be like a rollercoast ride of emotions... the chemical changes going on inside are gonna send me on a buckaroo for the next few months, lol. At least I know what to expect in terms of a timeline, with the flatline etc.

Today I stayed engaged and focused on tasks, it really helped. I was doing some coding practice while work was quiet, then later in the evening I got around to studying my Trigger Point Therapy book, which will help me self-massage my injury and get me back into a regular physical exercise habit. I can't wait to start building muscle again.

Also next week I have an interview for a position to become a General Welder, which I'm excited about. It will be a brand new career path that can open up a world of opportunity for me.
 

podvig

Member
Day #5

The day is not over yet but just a short update while I have a moment:

Doing well today, avoiding alcohol like the plague and keeping myself engaged throughout the day. I need to build a local network of friends who can help with the accountability. I've mentioned this above already, but this is another note to self: get out there! Also: choose wisely among friends and peers... but I definitely have to be more vulnerable and be prepared to get hurt, which is only natural when it comes to making friends and building networks and communities. It will prepare me well for the day when I meet my future wife, God willing. I've lived in a bubble of my own for too long. I'm a dull blade at the moment, and part of my recovery has to involve real flesh-and-blood people being actively present in my life. Online communities only take you so far. There's great rewards to be found in male camaraderie and many are suffering hugely in 2022 by the lack of it.

Iron sharpens iron,
and one man sharpens another.
(Proverbs 27:17)
 

podvig

Member
Day #6

Resisted the urges to drink a beer this evening. It would have led me straight back to the tyranny of last week. Feeling more determined now I'm out of the trenches a bit. Looking forward to using all that creative energy that has been wasted recently on some more interesting hobbies, reading and getting out there to mix with some real people.

Returning to Church tomorrow after a three week absence, and I'm looking forward to re-establishing a regular attendance. Missing out these previous two Sundays is what has led to much of my downfall recently, I reckon. But these recent events have certainly humbled me, and showed me just how weak and fragile my willpower is, and how easy I gave into temptation when isolated. With glee, I destroyed all of the good progress I had made since the beginning of this year, with a few simple corrupt actions. God has revealed to me this weakness of mine, so that I might grow and lead by a better example from now on.

Might skip the journal tomorrow and return Monday.

I'll close this off with a quote from Elder Thaddeus of Serbia, a revered spiritual father of Serbia from the 20th century:

He who sets an example to others through his way of life is humble. Example is the best
proof of the truth.

- Elder Thaddeus of Serbia

elder-tadeus.jpg
 
Hi,

I'm a twenty eight year old male, living in the Midlands, UK. I first started watching porn around age 11/12. I never considered myself much of an "addict" until around 2019/20, when my dependency started to grow and social isolation/loneliness started to increase. However, when I look back on my youth and formative years, I realise that I was just as addicted as everyone else, and that I am very much a part of this unfortunate generation of "guinea pigs", taking part in the "great porn experiment" of these past few decades.

I would say my willpower generally is pretty good. I have managed to abstain from pornography and alcohol and other bad habits or indulgences without much external support in the past, but they eventually break down the barriers so I need to employ some new methods. I've recently found myself in a closer relationship with God, and using prayer has been of tremendous benefit, and something I have been foolish to neglect or dismiss in my weaker moments. I must be more vigilant in this regard. Also I've been going to Church almost every Sunday for a few months now, and I've discovered that whenever I don't make it to Liturgy that my heart and mind quickly starts to descend into degeneracy and decadence.

I already know what I need to do, but I'm struggling with the execution. I'm not sure how long I need to keep a journal, or how consistently it needs updating. Just by having this thread I think it will be a great boon to my recovery. There's still a lot I need to read up on, especially the 'Your Brain on Porn' resources which I started looking through today.

Also, I would like to explain what finally inspired me to start a journal, the catalyst moment, and why I am recording my struggles against pornography.

I recently became addicted to an online brothel (there's no better way to describe it...) with the domain name Stripchat, which some here may be familiar with. There are many variations of it but, as I mentioned, it is essentially a digital marketplace of camgirls and prostitutes, who sit behind the webcam and perform sex acts for paying participants. It ranges from innocent to very kinky/freakish, and caters to all types. It is free to join (go figure...) but to get more interaction, one needs an account with paid tokens, where you can buzz the bluetooth-activated toy and have this faux-sexual experience, stimulating the model through your tokens, with instant effect, as well as making requests for certain acts on the screen. You can go private too and have them all to yourself. It is set up with a social media vibe, so you can like the models, message them, build a reputation, and much more. It sounds like I am trying to sell it, but this is cathartic for me. I can now look back on what I have written and begin to realise the horror of my involvement with this platform, and just how much I have been obsessed with it.

Porn addiction affects people in vastly different ways. I am surprised that it has been mainly this live element of online webcam girls that has really sunk me into a deeper pit of despair, rather than the more typical way of consuming copious amounts of online porn videos. I've never been one for porn movies, or long-form content, yet this Stripchat platform would have me scrolling for hours and hours at times, jumping from model to model, trying to figure out which one I can focus all my attention on. I have found my most pernicious vice it seems. Porn in the past would be an intermittent nuisance at most, but now I can see where my real struggle lies, with this online brothel environment. Over this past weekend, I strongly considered actually meeting a real life prostitute or call-girl, and getting an erotic massage or just going to their apartment for an in-call. I was very close, but opted for Stripchat instead, saving me a physical journey but no less damaging impact on my soul. This temptation still lurks within me, and I haven't yet rooted out this desire. I must do so if I want to stand a fighting chance against this addiction.

I've spent the past few months trying to implement a prayer rule, recently coming closer to God and Christ, so I know that the devil and his agents are working non-stop to pull me away from His grace, and bury me in the filth of sin to keep me detached from Him. This s most definitely the "Spiritual Warfare". This is why I have chosen the title "A Righteous Struggle", because this is certainly not an easy path to take, as the easy path would be masturbating all day and watching pornography without limits and having sex with hookers and wasting away. This is the way of the world, in which the devil is king. However, the narrow path, the road less travelled, which leads to virtue and the world to come, where Christ sits at the right hand of the Father in heaven; this is the podvig or spiritual struggle, and this is what I am seeking. Also I'd encourage anyone to read up on the definition and usage of this word 'povig', within the Orthodox Church, as it frames my situation well: http://orthodoxinfo.com/praxis/theveil_podvig.aspx

I already sense that this is going to be a tremendously difficult task, due to how much I have become obsessed with this online brothel environment recently. I am hoping that little by little, I can begin to put away the 'old man' of porn addiction, beta-male/simp-like behaviour, and become the 'new man' of faith and purity, by regaining my masculinity, virility, realigning with my objectives, coming closer to Christ, increasing my network, excelling in my day-to-day work, improving my career prospects, getting fitter, healthier, stronger, more determined, consistent, attaining peace of soul, purity of heart and sharpness of mind, and to begin every day with a sense of gratitude and thanksgiving, as the Lord grants me another day to struggle and have another chance at redemption, repentance and remission of sins. I am forever in His debt as an unworthy sinner, and I am simply amazed at His patience and lovingkindness, that he would allow me to fall so destructively and wrecklessly, again and again, constantly in betrayal, but like any loving Father he awaits my return, always ready to embrace me with love, forgive my sins and cleanse my soul. (NB - Today is Father's Day in the UK, and not having the presence of my father growing up has contributed to much of my dissatisfaction in life and tendency to fall into despair and addiction, although this situation is more common than it is unique these days, but now I have found my Heavenly Father, who guides me on this lonely path and leads me to a greater place - I still need more earthly father figures though, this is something I am looking to improve)

Thank you for reading about my podvig, or spiritual struggle. I hope that I can achieve my goals with the help of this forum and the accountability it provides. I will try to post regularly, although it will likely not be every single day, maybe every other day or 3/4 times a week, even if it is a short update with things I have discovered. I've found that interacting on forums has a great educational benefit, and even without having anyone read/comment on your thread, just the act of writing it down and relaying to others is a kind of tutoring, which helps one understand the issue better.

Let's hope this is the beginning of a long, fruitful recovery, where I can regain my manhood, self-control, integrity and spiritual foundation.

I will close with a quote about persistence and perseverance which I will attempt to remind myself of each and every day of this struggle:
Hey Podvig. Sorry, it has taken me so long to read this. You are really introspective and this is a strength. I know that as you continue to look within you will find the strength you need to overcome this and live the life of fulfillment you have always wanted.
 

podvig

Member
Hey Podvig. Sorry, it has taken me so long to read this. You are really introspective and this is a strength. I know that as you continue to look within you will find the strength you need to overcome this and live the life of fulfillment you have always wanted.

I appreciate you taking the time to read through it. I probably could have slimmed it down a little, it was a late-night entry after getting myself into a corner with all this stuff, but thank you for the kind words.
 

Recovery Will Come

Active Member
Welcome Podgiv… I read your story and wow it reminds me of myself.. Getting closer to god and this journey has definitely been a spiritual warfare for myself… What I found is to be successful on this journey you have to be an entire different person than you were before.. I stopped smoking, watching TV, social media, negative music, etc… Started replacing unhealthy habits with healthy activities like sports, working out or anything your interested in or enjoy doing… It’s gonna be a challenge no doubt but I would advise quitting alcohol also if it goes hand in hand with the PMO addiction… I’ve had this problem for the past decade and decided enough is enough and started going back to to church and putting my faith in God and to quit this negative poison once and for all.. Just reached day 51 today and started Week 8.. 7 Weeks PMO free.. It’s a wonderful feeling.. You can do this Podgiv!!! We are here to help anyway we can!! There is a whole world waiting for us.. Trust me when I say this poison isn’t worth it!!! God Bless and I wish you blessings on your journey!!!!
 

podvig

Member
Welcome Podgiv… I read your story and wow it reminds me of myself.. Getting closer to god and this journey has definitely been a spiritual warfare for myself… What I found is to be successful on this journey you have to be an entire different person than you were before.. I stopped smoking, watching TV, social media, negative music, etc… Started replacing unhealthy habits with healthy activities like sports, working out or anything your interested in or enjoy doing… It’s gonna be a challenge no doubt but I would advise quitting alcohol also if it goes hand in hand with the PMO addiction… I’ve had this problem for the past decade and decided enough is enough and started going back to to church and putting my faith in God and to quit this negative poison once and for all.. Just reached day 51 today and started Week 8.. 7 Weeks PMO free.. It’s a wonderful feeling.. You can do this Podgiv!!! We are here to help anyway we can!! There is a whole world waiting for us.. Trust me when I say this poison isn’t worth it!!! God Bless and I wish you blessings on your journey!!!!

Thank you, i appreciate the kind words. Good to know there's plenty of support out there.

I'm glad you have found hope in going back to Church. God, the saints and all the angels rejoice when we reject the devil and his hedonism, and instead choose to turn towards Christ.

Indeed PMO is a poison! It is evil. It has no place in a man's life.

Sometimes it can feel like reverse-psychology stating it like this, but it is actually a return towards truth and virtue, not a regression.

I am nearly one week free but I know that by prayer, focus, persistence and struggle, I will remain PMO-free. I was tempted to say "forever" but it's important to focus on the present and not on distant futures.

P.s. No hard feelings, but it is "p-o-d-v-i-g", not 'podgiv'.

Podvig is a Russian term that means something like "spiritual struggle" and it's found in the Orthodox Church. I thought it worked well as a profile name on this site, as being PMO-free is a struggle, even on days when it might feel light, there is always a resistance in place.

 

podvig

Member
Day #8

Smooth sailing over the weekend and today. It was great being back at Church yesterday, it definitely puts me on the right course for the week. I would crumble without the strength it provides me. Felt more uplifted today, looking forward to lighter days ahead.
 

podvig

Member
Day #12

Continued the good momentum for the rest of this week, feel a lot more centred and back to normal. I look upon my most recent relapses as kind of demonic, it really hit me out of the blue, though the signs were there in the weeks prior to the fall.

I'll probably keep this to just once or twice a week from now on, and remain vigilant to any attacks, always keeping mind: porn is evil. It bears repeating often.
 
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