A Righteous Struggle

podvig

Member
I've decided that I'm going to do a fresh reboot.

I know that we should be focusing on our victories and anticipating some relapses, rather than just resetting any progress, and I'm not obsessing over getting a flawless streak (although this would be most welcome), but this past weekend I watched a lot of P and failed so badly on this challenge - I watched two movies about French prostitutes hoping it would turn me off that whole way of life and teach me about the corrupt world they inhabit, but instead it just turned me on more and prepped me for watching more P.

I created another Stripchat account and threw away about £70 to one of the digital camgirls, when I was trying to keep a strict budget. I even turned down going to meet up with a friend on the weekend because of this, but then proceed to waste money I don't have on these empty pleasures instead, such a betrayal. As any good addict would do I suppose.

Also I broke my commitment against drinking too, and this fuelled other passions. Now I feel like an empty shell. It's ironic that weather here in the UK is really good right now - bright, warm and sunny. But within myself I am cold, dark and damp, such a contrast.

Given this major fall, I think it would be more effective for me to start again, with a clean slate, from Day #1. I've learnt a lot from these past few weeks, but I want to give myself another fresh start. I will carry on with this one for ninety days - regardless of whether I fall again in a similar fashion, as I don't want to get addicted to "starting all over again" as I know that can be a vicious cycle.

I've found a tonne of resources today which have been inspiring, and I've been reading some other threads to get me motivated, and while I don't agree with some of the stuff I've found, I understand people hold different worldviews and that mine is a rarity in today's world.

So, let's do this again... 90 days from now takes me to Saturday 8th October.



Day #1 - Monday 11th July '22

Midday

Still in recovery mode from this past weekends trials. I'll be caught in the vines for a few days at least. Looking forward to regaining optimism, energy and vitality. Desperately need contacts, a network of guys and something resembling a social life. Also need to start working out and replacing the wasteful habit of PMO with a fun, creative hobby.

I pushed my prayer rule too far last week, which is what caused this fall I believe. When you play with fire, you get burned. I'm returning to basics and just going to focus on that for now. I'm liable to piling on too much pressure and too many expectations, so I need to balance out my approach a little, and lean on God for more strength. He allowed this fall to bring me back to humility. My pride is exhausting and something I am slowly removing over time.

Need to change my diet, get a new job, start earning decent salary and move out of my moms house, finally leaving the "comfort zone". It's all doable, I just need to apply myself.

14.09
Found an excellent series that I'm working through today:


Comes with a free download for an entire Reboot Regimen - this is exactly what I needed. This time feels different, I really believe that I can conquer this addiction once and for all.

14.35:
I'm going for the "Hard Mode" reboot, which means being completely PMO-free, for the next ninety days. This was my original aim but now I can define and label it.

Also made some notes from the 3rd video of the series shared above. He asks the viewer,

Take inventory of your life. What are your main sources of pain?

For me, it is loneliness, social anxiety, job, physical condition and financial situation.

What can you do to improve your situation?

Inner path = mindset, outer path = actions. Acknowledge the responsibility involved. Be honest with yourself, don't stay a victim. You will be stuck if you keep playing the victim. If you want to stop going back to porn, you need to take ownership.

But you need a progression. You cannot do it all at once.

This is why drug addicts go into rehab facilities. But if you plan on keeping your life as it is in the same location, you can only change a few things at a time. Take it in phases.

Start by getting yourself together on a personal care level.

Self-talk is important (i would also add prayer to this). Productivity, to-do-lists, turn up for work, core responsibilities. Laundry, clean the room, cover the basics. Manage your energy levels. Quitting PMO is energy-intensive. It is tough, draining. You will need to fill yourself back up, to stay clean. Porn can fake energy management skills. Use it when stressed or depressed, but when you cut it out, the coping mechanism has gone, so we need nutrition/exercise etc.

1st phase: Quitting porn. 2nd phase: Change up some more things, focus on new project. 3rd phase: Established foundation, you can advance forward and start new business or meet a ggirl etc. Break things down. Take the 'big ball of pain' that ignites the escapism, replace it with these small steps towards recovery, now it can be done. Patience is required to 'level up'. Don't take on too much at once.

To break the cycle, you have to show up and engage, and do it in progression. Need a plan, to make you stronger as you go. To pursue the meaningful things. Real satisfaction and fulfilment. Need to address the pain, the meaning will draw you through it.

We all have a tremendous opportunity to do good in the world. Being porn-free can allow for this to happen.

19.51
Watched a few more in this series and then progressed to reading more accounts from the forum. I bought some more beers too but alcohol is a trigger and it definitely has to go soon, one thing at a time though...

Looking forward to getting out of this rut and back into my routine. Need to re-strategise but this kind of forethought and preparation will be very beneficial. Seeking a change of careers and once that happens, I will be on a much better path. Being rock-bottom is a strange sensation but there is also a lot of hope, because the only way from here is up.
 
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podvig

Member
Day #2 - Tuesday 12th July '22

09.10
I slept pretty decently last night, considering how crazy and on edge I felt yesterday. We've had abnormally warm weather here in the UK, so it's been an odd atmosphere, alongside all my recent struggles.

I read the Reboot Regimen mentioned above, and will look to implement some of its ideas in the coming weeks. I definitely need more exercise, better meal structure and more friends, so I will pray to God for these things, if it be according to His will.

I understand much of this forum is secular and based on the scientific paradigm, which has its merits and brain chemistry is definitely playing a part in all this, but God can work miracles and praying to Him for strength and deliverance from these passions will be far more effective. My faith is unshakeable. Once you establish a union with the Lord, it is nigh on impossible to go any other way in life. And no matter how many times we turn away from Him, He never forgets us and He is always ready to embrace us with open arms. The Lord is long-suffering, merciful and exceedingly kind.


I say to you that likewise there will be more joy in heaven over one sinner who repents than over ninety-nine just persons who need no repentance. - Luke 15:7

22.13
I've drank more heavily today but I'm focusing as best I can on avoiding porn. The drink will go soon but one thing at a time. I did a wise thing today by not going into a porn account to quit the subscription, instead covering my eyes and exiting the site. But as the evening draws on, the temptation grows. I've been reading other threads and I'm not naive enough to think I can resist another relapse, it will most likely happen. Perhaps I was a bit impulsive in starting another reboot yesterday but alas, it is how it is. This is Day no.2, I hope for continued success in defeating this destructive habit but I'm not out of the woods yet.
 
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lets go bud, you've got this. Its ok, little by little the addiction will go fading into the background and what once got you excited will soon look like a joke.
 

podvig

Member
lets go bud, you've got this. Its ok, little by little the addiction will go fading into the background and what once got you excited will soon look like a joke.

Thanks man, you are right. It is such a joke, we just need to distant ourselves from it all first, then we can really begin to make progress in our lives.
 

podvig

Member
Day #3 - Wednesday 13th July '22

11.43
Relapsed twice last night, sigh. Drank too much again and let my guard down in the wee hours of the morning. Need an earlier cut off point for devices. But I've never felt more determined to put a stop to all this. I am confident that I will achieve victory on this reboot.


17.33
Relapsed again this afternoon. I am focusing on the problem, not on the solution. This is the fatal mistake I am making. I need to go and create something better and slowly forget this old life of sin, hedonism and corruption, which will happen naturally over time, but I need to set my sights on something, a goal. I need more of a vision.
 
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podvig

Member
I just came across this post:


I want to take from this the opportunity to write out my life vision, as it is described in this post. I've attempted this in the past but things have changed a lot in recent months so it is worth re-stating.

What will follow is couple of lengthy posts (I hit the character limit and had to split them up), skip it if you like.

This will detail my aims, objectives and personal vision for what I want to achieve in my life. I know I said in the previous post that I want to keep things brief and reduced if possible, but this was meant for daily check-in's. The following will be a foundational post that sets up my future goals and paints a picture of the life I wish to live out post-reboot. Much of this journal is a personal reflection for purposes of accountability, but I would of course appreciate anyone who wishes to spend the time going through it. I've already waffled on in previous posts, which I'm trying to mitigate as I've said.



Write a life vision for yourself

My life has undergone a radical change recently. Since November 2021, I started looking into Orthodox Christianity. It's receiving something of a Renaissance online these days and across the world, and I am one of those willing, very eager inquirers, curious about this ancient faith. It has changed many of my personal views and opinions on matters in life, morality, ethics, interpersonal relations etc. that the transition from my old worldview up until now has been dramatic to say the least. For most of 2021, I would have happily waxed lyrical on Astrology, meditation, New Age philosophy or some other variation of "spiritual-but-not-religious" sort of conversation, but after I started taking interest in the Holy Orthodox Church and her teachings, all this was turned on its head. Promiscuity, casual sex and pre-marital sex are some of the most dramatic U-turns, with regards to relationships. I now focus on courtship rather than dating or sleeping around, for example. I know this puts me in a slim minority according to today's worldly standards. This re-orientation has significantly affected my future life vision. My reboot from porn gives me an opportunity to set forth a renewed vision for my life and how I want to live out the remainder of my days, God willing, and put it all into words.

So, with that short introduction in place, now it's time to address my life vision in all seriousness:

[next post]
 
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Day #3 - Wednesday 13th July '22

11.43
Relapsed twice last night, sigh. Drank too much again and let my guard down in the wee hours of the morning. Need an earlier cut off point for devices. But I've never felt more determined to put a stop to all this. I am confident that I will achieve victory on this reboot.


17.33
Relapsed again this afternoon. I am focusing on the problem, not on the solution. This is the fatal mistake I am making. I need to go and create something better and slowly forget this old life of sin, hedonism and corruption, which will happen naturally over time, but I need to set my sights on something, a goal. I need more of a vision.
Dude lets go. Focus on the solution.
 

podvig

Member
How do I want to live for the rest of my life? What is my essential life vision? How will this progress in the next few weeks, months, years and beyond?

Simply put: I want to be the leader and the responsible head of my future family, a strong diligent husband, married to a faithful obedient Orthodox wife (or someone willing to convert), with many children (yes, I want the traditional large family), living on a homestead or something close to it, to be as self-sufficient as possible, some farm animals and a decent production of food/vegetables/herbs etc., with a local Orthodox Christian community and (mostly offline) social network, access to a local parish, with a single-income household so that my wife never has to work a day in her life if she chooses not to, and a few dogs as well. The dogs are just as important. :)

This is the ultimate vision I have for my not-too-distant future. It could materialise in 5 or so years if I get my priorities straight. This is the high-altitude, eagle-eye life vision.

In order to get there, one of the first things I have to do is to become a more faithful, obedient Orthodox Christian, to become baptised/chrismated within the Orthodox Church, to receive the sacraments regularly, build a strong prayer life, obey Christ's commandments, give to the poor and needy, fast regularly in cycle with the Orthodox seasons, and keep in tune with the Church's way of life and her teachings. This is more immediate though it extends onto the rest of my life as well. My aim is to become baptised in mid-2023, around the date of Holy Pascha (Easter) or maybe Pentecost, we'll see how it plays out. This is an absolute priority.

Once I become a member of the Holy Orthodox church, then I can really start seeking out a potential wife. It might happen before that but I am not counting on it. I've been so frustrated with this porn situation recently, because it is completely against everything that I am aiming for in my life, it feels like such a huge regression. I never really considered myself porn addicted, but given my recent behaviour in the past few years, I need to uproot this problem before it keeps spreading. It is a hugely destructive act, sent from the evil one himself, trying to throw me off course as I attempt to cultivate virtue and turn towards Christ. It is a sign that the devil knows just how powerful and impactful my future vision is, and how much he hates it and will try anything to attempt derailing me or bring me off this narrow path.

Let's reduce it to the scale of weeks and months now, and discuss concrete goals that need to be completed, summarised in bold.

- Attend as many Orthodox Liturgical services as possible.
I will not be much of an Orthodox Christian if I don't attend her services. Sunday liturgies are an absolute must, the Lord's Day must be honoured properly, but there are other services throughout the week at many different churches, and I have no excuse to be holding myself back from them, if I truly want to embrace the Orthodox life. The devil and his agents will do anything they can to distract me from this aim, so it is centrally important that I combat his deception and align with my goals.

- Find a spiritual father.
Within the Orthodox tradition, one needs a spiritual father to progress in the faith. It is a necessity. This is either a monk or priest within the Orthodox Church, who can guide you in the Orthodox life and always be there to bring you towards repentance and encourage good works. I'm yet to ask for one yet, but I am eager to attain one. This is a very important goal I have, hopefully I will gain my own in the next few months, though some say it can take years.

- Stick to my prayer rule.
This is an important part of being an Orthodox Christian, and something I was doing faithfully up until this past week or so, when I fell into corruption, though it has happened at rare points in the past 6 or 7 months. Once I have a spiritual father, he can help guide me in the prayer life and adjust it to my spiritual readiness, as it is easy to overdo and end up burning yourself, which is what brought me into this present reboot.

- Read the Holy Scriptures every day.
I have a Bible reading plan, which I am keeping up with fairly okay, but I need to stay consistent.

- To increase my social network with other Orthodox Christians as well as non-Orthodox, and eliminate my social anxiety and propensity towards isolation and loneliness.
I have a terrible, pernicious habit of cultivating loneliness and seeking self-desire. I prefer my own company to such an absurd degree that I push away friends, contacts, potential partners etc. all because of an in-built shame and unworthiness. These are not entirely bad things, because they are seen when someone is genuinely humble before God, so I am not lambasting these traits completely. But in my life, they have been taken to extremes and I need to open up more to others, become vulnerable, reach out and actually invest myself within the lives of others, show charity and be there for others. I find myself today as an extremely selfish and inwards-facing man-boy, who needs to grow up, mature and enter into manhood. Conquering this porn addiction will be one of the crucial rites of passage that I need in order to achieve this full expression of masculinity, alongside my growth in the faith.

- I need a new career.
I've been searching everywhere for something new and exciting to start doing, but mostly it's been a fantasy land all playing out in my head, standard these days with the internet and it's infinite range of opportunities. I have a very fleeting desire for most things and I need to become grounded or rooted in a trade or skillset, own it, develop it, and master it, become entrepreneurial and gain trust from others.

- I need multiple income streams.
As well as working on a new main career, I need to cultivate multiple streams of income and provide enough security for my future family so that they can achieve their potential without worrying about paychecks and poverty.

- I need to move out of my "mom's basement"
I'm living with my mom and stepdad, and while I love them dearly, I need to regain some independence and get some breathing space. I moved to Japan during 2020, but returned due to the 'rona situation and since then I've been at "home", but I need to begin to establish my own "home" that does not consist of a single bedroom.

- I need to remain loyal to my budget.
I started my budget recently and have made some progress, but I have been wildly unfaithful to it so I need to improve my budgeting skills in general. I want to be able to teach my children the discipline involved with financial management, but I won't do it unless I first master it myself.

- I need to start an exercise regimen and resolve injuries that are holding me back from igniting this.
I have everything I need to start a serious exercise regimen, but I have a small injury holding me back. I started learning a self-massage technique but it took longer than I anticipated to learn, so I need to draft further support and advice to return my body into a more optimal condition, before I fall into idleness and deception again.

- Engage in new fitness practices or sports.
I have a few ideas of what to get involved with, including Krava Maga, Systema, Badminton, Tennis, Triathlons, Hiking etc.

- Engage in new fruitful hobbies.
Reading more, playing chess, practising handwriting, finishing online courses, learn a new instrument, practice wild swimming, socialising more, helping others in the community with projects, learning how to repair more things inc. bike, car, laptop, etc. etc. and many many more things I am neglecting right now by wasting my creative energy on PMO.

- I need to start fixing up my own food and stick to a better nutrition plan, as well as prepare for the fasting seasons.
Living with parents has made me less responsible and more lazy, as you'd expect. I never cook my own meals. This needs to change. I have no excuses not to make the change right away.

- I need to start seeing each man as my brother, and each woman as my sister.
Porn encourages us to look at women as objects of sexual gratification. We should instead treat each woman we meet as our sister, the only exception being our future wives, once found. Any man we meet is our brother, regardless of our like or dislike of them.

- Quit alcohol.
It encourages my porn addiction and also makes me lazy, despondent, gluttonous, slothful, idle and miserable. It has no benefit to my life. I've tried to quit countless times in the past but failed miserably many times. After many attempts at moderation, it always brings me back into a den of sin and corrupts my heart and mind. Others can enjoy and moderate it, which they should do, but I lack temperance and have permanently stained my relationship with alcohol. It has to be removed completely.

- Quit caffeine.
Similar to above, attempts at moderation always lead to excess and instability. I get far too anxious and irritable from it, so it needs to go. It is less important than the others, but it does contribute marginally to disrupting other goals.

- Keep journalling.
I do this most days but need to stay consistent.
 

podvig

Member
There are possibly some more, but right now I can't think of any. The initial goals are spiritually-oriented, and they gradually become more worldly and material, but they all serve a purpose. All of these posts are available for editing, so I might add some more but the core will remain the same.

As long as I focus on these goals and keep persevering, this vision will manifest itself in the next several years, no doubt whatsoever. God grants our prayers, if it is according to His will. Our God is very kind and benevolent, and He has promised to help us if we believe in His power to do so. We must remain faithful and keep knocking, keep asking, keep seeking out what we wish.

I hope to look back on this post someday and see these aims and goals fulfilled. I'm not aiming for perfection but if I can hold these as personal ideals and strive towards them, then I will be content with that.

~

21.39
This evening I bought more beers thinking I would pound them like yesterday, but it's actually making me feel a bit sick. It is such an unnecessary burden, holding me back from so much, I'm frustrated it is still causing me grief but in due time, it will be a thing of the past, as long as I focus on my goals and ultimate vision for the future.
 

podvig

Member
Day #4 - Thursday 14th July '22

13.32
Relapsed once more last night. It felt very empty and was not all that pleasurable. The end of my binge, I hope. Today I've cleaned my room, vacuumed, took out rubbish and freshened up a bit. I need a haircut, which will help with the transition to being a new version of myself as outlined above. My hair is like a teenager's at the moment - no offense to the adolescents, but I'm 28 and need to set myself apart.

Realised today that my lack of productivity is what leads me back to this place of idleness and then consistent relapses. I've lacked the humility to admit that I'm actually a very lazy and idle worker who needs to step up the game and focus on what needs to be done. It's no wonder i am poor. If you don't work hard you don't earn your bread, simple as that.

This generation of teens and twenty-somethings weaned on the internet have suffered the most from this fantasy land of browsing endless opportunities online, yet not doing anything to attain them and letting them pass through the mind, elevating dopamine briefly but producing no substance, similar to PMO addiction. I've suffered a lot from this excess daydreaming/romanticising of possible futures rather than taking action.

I've had an idea of how to fix this for a while, it's about time I made it happen: to trial a number of jobs, trades such as butchery, carpentry, blacksmiths etc. to see if I enjoy the work or not, and consider them as possible future careers. You never know until you try. I've considered all these careers but never actually gained experience doing them. I need to get out of my comfort zone and ask local businesses if I can help out to gain some experience.
 
Day #4 - Thursday 14th July '22

13.32
Relapsed once more last night. It felt very empty and was not all that pleasurable. The end of my binge, I hope. Today I've cleaned my room, vacuumed, took out rubbish and freshened up a bit. I need a haircut, which will help with the transition to being a new version of myself as outlined above. My hair is like a teenager's at the moment - no offense to the adolescents, but I'm 28 and need to set myself apart.

Realised today that my lack of productivity is what leads me back to this place of idleness and then consistent relapses. I've lacked the humility to admit that I'm actually a very lazy and idle worker who needs to step up the game and focus on what needs to be done. It's no wonder i am poor. If you don't work hard you don't earn your bread, simple as that.

This generation of teens and twenty-somethings weaned on the internet have suffered the most from this fantasy land of browsing endless opportunities online, yet not doing anything to attain them and letting them pass through the mind, elevating dopamine briefly but producing no substance, similar to PMO addiction. I've suffered a lot from this excess daydreaming/romanticising of possible futures rather than taking action.

I've had an idea of how to fix this for a while, it's about time I made it happen: to trial a number of jobs, trades such as butchery, carpentry, blacksmiths etc. to see if I enjoy the work or not, and consider them as possible future careers. You never know until you try. I've considered all these careers but never actually gained experience doing them. I need to get out of my comfort zone and ask local businesses if I can help out to gain some experience.
Dude Im sorry to be rude, but you wanna do this or not?. You are in charge. can you try one day at a time?. forget about the addiction just try in the next 24 hours. even less, in the next 12 hours what can you do to improve your life?. Great you cleaned your room, have you done your dishes? or maybe you can go out to watch a movie with a friend? start by something small and eventually hopefully you will get momentum.
 

podvig

Member
Dude Im sorry to be rude, but you wanna do this or not?. You are in charge. can you try one day at a time?. forget about the addiction just try in the next 24 hours. even less, in the next 12 hours what can you do to improve your life?. Great you cleaned your room, have you done your dishes? or maybe you can go out to watch a movie with a friend? start by something small and eventually hopefully you will get momentum.

You're right, I need to see a friend and get out of my own head. This previous week or two has been a real nightmare. Thanks for checking in bro, we can do this.
 
You're right, I need to see a friend and get out of my own head. This previous week or two has been a real nightmare. Thanks for checking in bro, we can do this.
Glad that I can help. I dont know there but its a dam beautiful day where I'm at, Im going for a walk !
 

podvig

Member
Glad that I can help. I dont know there but its a dam beautiful day where I'm at, Im going for a walk !

Walking is a great idea. I'm close to bedtime here in the UK, so I'll save it for tomorrow.

You reminded me of this video I found in the past few days, it is a game-changer:

 

podvig

Member
Day #5 - Friday 15th July '22

11.09
Aiming to be less self-indulgent moving ahead. Also to focus on basics of improvement, including daily routine, exercise, nutrition, sobriety, and my Prayer rule etc. Through succeeding in these areas, I can serve others more effectively and with compassion. Christ will heal my wounds, if I return to Him in genuine repentance, remain humble and show a willingness to renounce my evil ways. With God, all things are possible.
 

Recovery Will Come

Active Member
I remember when I couldn’t get past 3 days at a certain point… Trust me I been relapsing for the last 8 years.. I had to get educated and read as many forums on Yourbrainonporn as I possibly could… I learned what to expect and what to avoid and gained experience from my previous relapses and learned from my mistakes… Thanks to god I finally said enough is enough… I went from not making it past 3 days to being on day 71… It becomes a mindset… How bad do you want it.. It may take time but never give up!!b
 

podvig

Member
Day #11 - Thursday 21st July '22

Just a quick update - things have been going well, no relapses and back on my routine mostly. Although yesterday I got quite sick, which I suspect was due to a combination of factors, one of them being recovery from PMO certainly. I had it back in June when I attempted recovery, about a week after stopping, I got sick and the same occurred again yesterday. Nothing major and getting over it now, but it's another reminder of how potent the effects of recovery are. And it's barely been two weeks! Hard to believe it all feels so distant but I have a long way to go before I really can prove my honest commitment to this ninety-day challenge and beyond. So far only a few hiccups in the first couple days and now making real progress.

Also resisted drinking over the weekend which was a big hurdle, there were lots of attractive girls everywhere on this occasion too, but I honestly felt no triggers. I've been struggling with screens, not with real-life women, so it is a separate issue in ways.

Staying focused on solutions and slowly rebuilding my inner strength.

As an addendum: I need to learn to be honest and forthright, to not be a coward or a weakling. I think betraying these masculine virtues leads you into the comfort of pornography, which is emasculating and feminine, in a twisted and demoralising way. So more cowardly behaviour leads to weaker morals, boundaries, feminisation and ultimately relapse. The more I practice my manliness and masculine virtues, the more I will quash this abhorrent addiction.
 

podvig

Member
Day #18 - Thursday 28th July '22

It feels like such a gulf between the events of a few weeks ago and where I am now, in a positive sense of feeling far removed from the corruption i fell into recently. I'm not feeling my best by any means, due to multiple other factors, but I am certainly stabilising now and putting PMO far far behind me. I'm going for hard mode, at least 90 days. I relapsed the first few days of the rebooted 90-day challenge but i've been consistent since then. Once i got past the chaser effect and those first few days of temptation, i was able to build momentum and tame the urges.

Also I was recently received as a catechumen into the Orthodox church, which has provided me with tremendous hope, joy and a true sense of purpose. The struggle on the spiritual battlefield begins now.

I had a vaguely flirtatious dream with an old friend from University a couple nights ago, but nothing extreme. I reckon it was triggered by watching an attractive, young news pundit, a beautiful blonde Dutch girl, on that same day, but my reaction was not obsessive, I was only observing it neutrally and reminding myself that "All men are my brothers, all women are my sisters", which is how we should see our fellow humans on the earth. But still, a seed had been laid which apparently triggered the dream.

We have to be uber vigilant, especially in these early days when we are still mastering our self-control and self-discipline.

I understand why in previous societies, and still some Islamic communities today and in other parts of the world, they practised a form of segregation among the sexes.

It happens naturally at most gatherings or parties, where men naturally talk to other men and the same with women. But mixing everyone up in the modern world only makes PMO a more difficult beast to tame, because there is seemingly temptation lurking at every corner as we commonly interact with the opposite sex in the workplace more often, or see them commentating the news or presenting programmes, which never used to be the case I suppose. It also has the effect of feminising and therefore weakening society, as more men fail to fulfill their role as leaders and champions.

People underestimate the enormity of this PMO-free challenge. Most women will never get it. Any man who is 2+ years free of pornography and has no sex addiction is most worthy of his manhood. It doesn't make you perfect by any stretch, but it sets you on the path towards attaining greater masculine traits and virtues. (i have a feeling i mentioned this already on previous post, but it bears repeating)
 

podvig

Member
Day #29 - Monday 8th August

No relapses, although there have been occasional dreams where sexual themes have crept in but I've maintained my streak from mid-July. I got some good validation from an attractive girl recently at the supermarket, it felt like she was checking me out, and I got the sense that withholding on the PMO really does have these extra benefits of exuding masculinity, or pheromones or something. I'm not even working out so there must be something to being PMO-free and giving off a presence or energy. I plan to workout soon after i resolve an injury that needs attention, where these positive benefits i am experiencing will surely grow once i'm fitter and stronger.

It's still ups and downs though, so long ways to go until i reach some sort of mental clarity and balance. There are a multitude of other factors to consider too, but staying PMO free will ensure that i am well on the way towards the peace of mind and manly attributes that I long to acquire.
 

podvig

Member
Day #36 - Monday 15th August

Relapsed but not fully, managed to mitigate the disaster slightly. Last night I had a wet dream and then it allowed for the Chaser effect this morning. I submitted to MO but did not turn to P. It was more about relieving the pressure, though I'm ashamed I had to turn to it. So i dodged the P bullet for now. I drank some alcohol on Sunday afternoon, which definitely lowered by inhibitions and allowed for my guard to fall during the night, where a horny dream came to the surface (i cant even remember what the dream was, so wasteful).

So in a sense I feel like I'm back at square one, but I will push through to Day #90 and then restart again, aiming to get a clean streak with no PMO whatsoever for at least 90 days and beyond. I did just over a month with no PMO, which is some progress towards that goal I suppose. High success rate overall. This is the first time I've ever tried to do it intentionally too, so relapses were inevitable at this stage.

I shouldn't have acquiesced to alcohol, but it was a slippery slope that started a few days ago with 0% beers, then lager shandy's, and eventually full strength beer. I didn't even drink that much, but just enough to tip me off my balance and make me vulnerable to idle, lustful urges.

But it's not about how we fall down and screw things up, it's about how we get back up again and move forward after our failures. It's a bit of a cliche but very true nonetheless.
 
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