GBS
Respected Member
Those positives are amazing @PrometheusUnbound - remember to love yourself too.
Moving Forward
- Thread starter PrometheusUnbound
- Start date
PrometheusUnbound
Active Member
No PMO Day 269; no MO Day 75; no SUB Day 6
I had a nice day with my family yesterday. Urges are low at the moment, although internet use hasn't been healthy. I've had to admit that although I was bingeing on YT because I was tired and stressed, actually it has been making me more tired and stressed. And there were a few times that I wasn't patient with my partner and son and it wasn't because of life happening to me, it was because I wasn't taking care of myself and couldn't regulate my emotions. "Sorry I was a dick to you and our son; I was watching videos about the Kendrick and Drake beef and Tik Tok shorts copied to YouTube way past my bedtime even though I knew I had to be up early to give him his milk and take him to kindergarten." It's a weird sentence to say, especially as an over 40-year-old. But there it is. Made a gratitude list with my partner yesterday which was nice. Her father is quite ill and it's quite possible he is on his way out so we have agreed to take care of ourselves better so we can be ready for whatever situations arise.
I've continued the no-fantasy rule with intimacies. It's working well to an extent, although I do have strong urges to supplement and top up my pleasure with extras. I will just continue to work with this until it becomes more natural. It's quite something how porn had made me so focused on my own pleasure for so long, and how selfish I've become about that over the years. The amazing thing is though that I spend so much less time thinking about and needing (wanting) sex than I used to. I guess it's logical because I don't spend hours of each day watching people do it and simulating it with my hand, but experientially it's not something I thought would or could ever happen. Another small effect of this has been that I do feel a bit more present. The pull of pining over exes etc. does seem to be a little less strong than before and I think my partner can feel it.
Have a great week!
I had a nice day with my family yesterday. Urges are low at the moment, although internet use hasn't been healthy. I've had to admit that although I was bingeing on YT because I was tired and stressed, actually it has been making me more tired and stressed. And there were a few times that I wasn't patient with my partner and son and it wasn't because of life happening to me, it was because I wasn't taking care of myself and couldn't regulate my emotions. "Sorry I was a dick to you and our son; I was watching videos about the Kendrick and Drake beef and Tik Tok shorts copied to YouTube way past my bedtime even though I knew I had to be up early to give him his milk and take him to kindergarten." It's a weird sentence to say, especially as an over 40-year-old. But there it is. Made a gratitude list with my partner yesterday which was nice. Her father is quite ill and it's quite possible he is on his way out so we have agreed to take care of ourselves better so we can be ready for whatever situations arise.
I've continued the no-fantasy rule with intimacies. It's working well to an extent, although I do have strong urges to supplement and top up my pleasure with extras. I will just continue to work with this until it becomes more natural. It's quite something how porn had made me so focused on my own pleasure for so long, and how selfish I've become about that over the years. The amazing thing is though that I spend so much less time thinking about and needing (wanting) sex than I used to. I guess it's logical because I don't spend hours of each day watching people do it and simulating it with my hand, but experientially it's not something I thought would or could ever happen. Another small effect of this has been that I do feel a bit more present. The pull of pining over exes etc. does seem to be a little less strong than before and I think my partner can feel it.
Have a great week!
GBS
Respected Member
Good honesty @PrometheusUnbound - I think you fully know the path you’re on. It is not an easy one to tread, but as you can see the path, there’s sort of no excuse. Keep going. It’s difficult. I reckon there are literally millions of men ho know they’re doing themselves harm but just can’t resist. You have proved you have backbone, so you’re one in a million.
Or put another way….you’re a fucking hero.
Or put another way….you’re a fucking hero.
PrometheusUnbound
Active Member
No PMO Day 275; no MO Day 81; no SUB Day 11
It's been an intense week. I've been ill but my body has been putting it off due to other concerns. I had come back late from work the evening after my last post and the flat was dark and empty. Cue catastrophising thoughts about the worst. I called my partner and she was at the police station with our son. Fortunately he was unharmed but she was unable to explain what had happened. I think it was some kind of alcohol induced breakdown compounded by the medications she is on while she was out with him. Some people in the neighbourhood had called the police a few times because they were concerned. It took everything I had to keep calm, get him home to bed and plead with her to go to bed too; and not do anything crazy like go out and drink more. She wasn't exactly polite about it.
The next day I asked her to call AA and go to the doctor and thankfully she agreed to do both things. She has been to two meetings this week and plans to keep going. I do have some small reservations about the nature of AA but I am glad she finally seems to be seeing the seriousness of the problem and is taking steps in the right direction (I hope). I am very grateful that nothing happened to our son. Her father, who is now quite seriously ill has had his own health problems compounded by a long unhealthy (and unacknowledged) drinking habit. She is starting to see a familial pattern. It makes me worry about our son in the future - both parents having had all these issues (and both of our fathers). So I am staying committed to heading in the right direction.
We will see how this all pans out. I am trying to be as compassionate as possible and share things about my ongoing journeys that might be of help. She has been supportive in my struggles so now it's my turn. One good thing is that I haven't really had the desire to act out by using porn at all. I have had urges to wank but I know I won't do it. I'm also making sure to do at least 10 minutes of meditation on hectic days when there isn't much time. And that, even when unfocused and filled with thoughts, really creates a space of calm clarity I can touch in times of stress - something I have never had before.
A quote from a recent podcast episode I enjoyed:
"Trying to hate myself into becoming a better person. It doesn't work."
PS. Fury vs. Usyk - what a fight!
It's been an intense week. I've been ill but my body has been putting it off due to other concerns. I had come back late from work the evening after my last post and the flat was dark and empty. Cue catastrophising thoughts about the worst. I called my partner and she was at the police station with our son. Fortunately he was unharmed but she was unable to explain what had happened. I think it was some kind of alcohol induced breakdown compounded by the medications she is on while she was out with him. Some people in the neighbourhood had called the police a few times because they were concerned. It took everything I had to keep calm, get him home to bed and plead with her to go to bed too; and not do anything crazy like go out and drink more. She wasn't exactly polite about it.
The next day I asked her to call AA and go to the doctor and thankfully she agreed to do both things. She has been to two meetings this week and plans to keep going. I do have some small reservations about the nature of AA but I am glad she finally seems to be seeing the seriousness of the problem and is taking steps in the right direction (I hope). I am very grateful that nothing happened to our son. Her father, who is now quite seriously ill has had his own health problems compounded by a long unhealthy (and unacknowledged) drinking habit. She is starting to see a familial pattern. It makes me worry about our son in the future - both parents having had all these issues (and both of our fathers). So I am staying committed to heading in the right direction.
We will see how this all pans out. I am trying to be as compassionate as possible and share things about my ongoing journeys that might be of help. She has been supportive in my struggles so now it's my turn. One good thing is that I haven't really had the desire to act out by using porn at all. I have had urges to wank but I know I won't do it. I'm also making sure to do at least 10 minutes of meditation on hectic days when there isn't much time. And that, even when unfocused and filled with thoughts, really creates a space of calm clarity I can touch in times of stress - something I have never had before.
A quote from a recent podcast episode I enjoyed:
"Trying to hate myself into becoming a better person. It doesn't work."
PS. Fury vs. Usyk - what a fight!
PrometheusUnbound
Active Member
No PMO Day 282; no MO Day 88; no SUB Day 17
It's been another stressful week. My partner relapsed again and has had quite severe depression and anger towards me. I think I mostly did a good job of being supportive and taking space when I needed it instead of pouring fuel on things like before. I have a general need to be right which is hard to shake; and also tend to hear the worst in things my partner says rather than giving a charitable or less catastrophic reading. I also noticed some resistance to the current situation like 'why me?', 'I can't be bothered to deal with this', 'maybe this was all a mistake', 'how could we have thought this would ever work?'. Then I remember our son, and the grace she has shown me through my travails (which have been documented here). And also something I heard from Jack Kornfield in a podcast. Am I looking at things from close-up or overhead? Is this proof that everything is completely effed or is it a hiccup on the path to somewhere better? Given my penchant for assuming the former it has been helpful for me to consider the latter. One positive is that she has started with a therapist she likes. Another is that although my relapse last year was triggered in part by her not coming home during from all-night drinking session, during this time of stress I am not turning towards it. I am 2 days away from no MO for 90 days. 14 days away from YouTube and a run of meditation everyday during that time too has been helpful in keeping a cooler head. No more snapping at my son!
It's been another stressful week. My partner relapsed again and has had quite severe depression and anger towards me. I think I mostly did a good job of being supportive and taking space when I needed it instead of pouring fuel on things like before. I have a general need to be right which is hard to shake; and also tend to hear the worst in things my partner says rather than giving a charitable or less catastrophic reading. I also noticed some resistance to the current situation like 'why me?', 'I can't be bothered to deal with this', 'maybe this was all a mistake', 'how could we have thought this would ever work?'. Then I remember our son, and the grace she has shown me through my travails (which have been documented here). And also something I heard from Jack Kornfield in a podcast. Am I looking at things from close-up or overhead? Is this proof that everything is completely effed or is it a hiccup on the path to somewhere better? Given my penchant for assuming the former it has been helpful for me to consider the latter. One positive is that she has started with a therapist she likes. Another is that although my relapse last year was triggered in part by her not coming home during from all-night drinking session, during this time of stress I am not turning towards it. I am 2 days away from no MO for 90 days. 14 days away from YouTube and a run of meditation everyday during that time too has been helpful in keeping a cooler head. No more snapping at my son!
PrometheusUnbound
Active Member
No PMO Day 284; no MO Day 90; no SUB Day 1
I got a little over-confident or complacent. The problems at home have been getting worse. Last night after some drama and during a bout of insomnia I ended up Google searching something risky during a generally trashy internet binge. It took less than a second to click off. But the gut punch shock rush feeling was there. Then urges after that; urges that I haven't had for a while. I considered MO then remembered that I was only a day away from the big 90 and that kept me in check. I have been trash-scrolling FB and IG for hours today after a while away from it. I've just logged out and am going to get back on track. Urges are still there but manageable. I'm grateful that I remembered the mission. And it was a timely reminder that the pathways are still all there.
I got a little over-confident or complacent. The problems at home have been getting worse. Last night after some drama and during a bout of insomnia I ended up Google searching something risky during a generally trashy internet binge. It took less than a second to click off. But the gut punch shock rush feeling was there. Then urges after that; urges that I haven't had for a while. I considered MO then remembered that I was only a day away from the big 90 and that kept me in check. I have been trash-scrolling FB and IG for hours today after a while away from it. I've just logged out and am going to get back on track. Urges are still there but manageable. I'm grateful that I remembered the mission. And it was a timely reminder that the pathways are still all there.
GBS
Respected Member
Hi @PrometheusUnbound - don’t be too hard on yourself. You didn’t M, so you’re just mildly torturing yourself. But after 90 days no MO, I think you’re entitled to give yourself a massive pat on the back. We all have needs and expecting them to go away is unrealistic. Just stay true to who you have become.
You inspire us all.
You inspire us all.
PrometheusUnbound
Active Member
PrometheusUnbound
Active Member
No PMO Day 285; no MO Day 91; no SUB Day 2
I made it to 90 days no MO. Going to reward myself by continuing to not look at porn.
Best.
I made it to 90 days no MO. Going to reward myself by continuing to not look at porn.
Best.
I often ask myself: what is the final purpose of my own effort? And I find answers every time I had a happy sexual intercourse, which to my surprise this time arrived soon after the last PMO (one or two weeks, not months). Maybe you should also ask yourself why you are doing this, Prometheus, which are your intermediate and ultimate, final goals. It could help yourself to get peace of mind during the difficult moments.
PrometheusUnbound
Active Member
It's a good question marco_60. I have given it some thought over the past few days and am not sure if I have found a satisfactory answer yet. Short-term goals include making it to a year porn-free, and then extending that further. More than that I think it's finding healthier ways to deal with stress and my tendency to catastrophise; and then further than that an overhaul of how I react to things in general. I want to break patterns mainly for my son. So that what I model for him can lead to somewhere healthier than it has for me.
PrometheusUnbound
Active Member
No PMO Day 288; no MO Day 94; no SUB Day 5
My partner has been struggling with alcohol recently and I have been struggling with reacting without judgment or blame. It seems that part for me is like giving up alcohol for her. I have been reading about how a lot of my reactions have been counterproductive. Although I know that things have been a non-linear journey for me in my struggles with addictions, I haven't entirely been able to extend the same awareness to her situation. My first reaction is to view things as proof that everything is doomed rather than bumps on the road; this is proving hard to shake, and pushes her deeper into the problem sometimes. Am working on it. But boy is it hard to shake. I had committed to not reacting negatively when she comes back drunk but it feels like the emotions have been burning brighter since I did.
I have been considering this quote recently:
“There are two mistaken views we tend to have about suffering. The first is to think that when we suffer there is only suffering, that all of life is suffering and misery. The second is to believe that only when we remove all suffering can we be happy. This is also not true. There may be many things we’re not happy about, but, at the same time, there are many conditions of happiness.”
Whether things are the way I want them to be in general there will always be reasons to suffer and also reasons to be happy.
So here's to another day porn free and having another chance at everything.
My partner has been struggling with alcohol recently and I have been struggling with reacting without judgment or blame. It seems that part for me is like giving up alcohol for her. I have been reading about how a lot of my reactions have been counterproductive. Although I know that things have been a non-linear journey for me in my struggles with addictions, I haven't entirely been able to extend the same awareness to her situation. My first reaction is to view things as proof that everything is doomed rather than bumps on the road; this is proving hard to shake, and pushes her deeper into the problem sometimes. Am working on it. But boy is it hard to shake. I had committed to not reacting negatively when she comes back drunk but it feels like the emotions have been burning brighter since I did.
I have been considering this quote recently:
“There are two mistaken views we tend to have about suffering. The first is to think that when we suffer there is only suffering, that all of life is suffering and misery. The second is to believe that only when we remove all suffering can we be happy. This is also not true. There may be many things we’re not happy about, but, at the same time, there are many conditions of happiness.”
Whether things are the way I want them to be in general there will always be reasons to suffer and also reasons to be happy.
So here's to another day porn free and having another chance at everything.
PrometheusUnbound
Active Member
No PMO Day 290; no MO Day 96; no SUB Day 7
Have a great week.
Have a great week.
PrometheusUnbound
Active Member
No PMO Day 295; no MO Day 101; no SUB Day 12
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PrometheusUnbound
Active Member
No PMO Day 300; no MO Day 106; no SUB Day 17
PrometheusUnbound
Active Member
No PMO Day 308; no MO Day 113; no SUB Day 25
Life has been very messy recently, especially relationship-wise, but I'm not using porn or MO to escape from it. I mean I have thought about it here and there but I'm not doing it. I've got to feel this one through. I do need to make a renewed commitment to not ogling. I have noted this slipping, intensified by stress, but nothing is ever enough, so I want to rein it back in. The thing that keeps me from MOing is the knowledge that it is deeply unsatisfying for me and will just create a bigger hole that cannot be filled. I need to apply that to ogling; that and the family man thing. I don't want to be that guy.
Have a nice weekend everyone.
Life has been very messy recently, especially relationship-wise, but I'm not using porn or MO to escape from it. I mean I have thought about it here and there but I'm not doing it. I've got to feel this one through. I do need to make a renewed commitment to not ogling. I have noted this slipping, intensified by stress, but nothing is ever enough, so I want to rein it back in. The thing that keeps me from MOing is the knowledge that it is deeply unsatisfying for me and will just create a bigger hole that cannot be filled. I need to apply that to ogling; that and the family man thing. I don't want to be that guy.
Have a nice weekend everyone.
PrometheusUnbound
Active Member
No PMO Day 314; no MO Day 119; no SUB Day 31
I've had some urges to look up {insert celebrity name} nudes etc. I haven't had that for a while. That old feeling of FOMO is there a little. It's interesting to watch it. I can't control it and make it go away but I know how to not pour more oil on that particular fire these days.
Recently I have had reason to reflect more on how porn has influenced quite a deep level of sexual dysfunction in myself. Everyone has their kinks, but mine changed so much during my obsessive use. For example I impulsively need to hear/say things which will make myself or my partner jealous during sex. And if I/we don't do that the urge to do it is fever pitch in my head. This desire is something that was a fun thing before but turned into an unhealthy behaviour which has caused hurt. It became more selfish to where I have said some things that most people would be pissed at, and then get surprised that it had that effect. And the more stress I feel, the greater the desire is. Currently my partner and I are not having sex; partly because of this but also a number of other reasons. The good thing is that I have the space to see some of these things more clearly. I never thought I would live in a world where I could deal with not Oing several times per day let alone extended periods of time but I am learning how.
A good thing is that I have the ogling more under control for now. And less than 2 months until my year!
I've had some urges to look up {insert celebrity name} nudes etc. I haven't had that for a while. That old feeling of FOMO is there a little. It's interesting to watch it. I can't control it and make it go away but I know how to not pour more oil on that particular fire these days.
Recently I have had reason to reflect more on how porn has influenced quite a deep level of sexual dysfunction in myself. Everyone has their kinks, but mine changed so much during my obsessive use. For example I impulsively need to hear/say things which will make myself or my partner jealous during sex. And if I/we don't do that the urge to do it is fever pitch in my head. This desire is something that was a fun thing before but turned into an unhealthy behaviour which has caused hurt. It became more selfish to where I have said some things that most people would be pissed at, and then get surprised that it had that effect. And the more stress I feel, the greater the desire is. Currently my partner and I are not having sex; partly because of this but also a number of other reasons. The good thing is that I have the space to see some of these things more clearly. I never thought I would live in a world where I could deal with not Oing several times per day let alone extended periods of time but I am learning how.
A good thing is that I have the ogling more under control for now. And less than 2 months until my year!
bobitkitkit
Member
Hey man! Glad to see that you're doing well overall! I have struggled with similar problems as well where I'm starting to realize that some of the things I have watched in porn just don't translate to real life. It is a shame that we've gone so far down the rabbit hole that normal sex just pales in comparison. Nevertheless, realizing what's real and what's not real, and making a conscious effort to focus on the real is all we can and must do to find a sense of normalcy, or as close to it as possible! Just great job on realizing that and I am sure we'll all be able to get to a more balanced and healthy view of sex and everything it entails! Keep it up man!
GBS
Respected Member
@PrometheusUnbound - hello mate. Great numbers.
Isn’t this learning journey just the most liberating thing? If you’d try to tell your 18 year old self that obsessive masturbation was going to screw you up, he wouldn’t have listened to you. Be thankful, I know you are, that you have discovered what’s wrong. Keep going, mate.