Moving Forward

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PrometheusUnbound

Active Member
No PMO Day 16; no MO Day 16

Things are improving slowly. My partner and I hashed some things out and I wouldn't say I'm 100% confident that we can make the changes we need to - but I am cautiously optimistic. We agreed that we are actually on the same team, and essentially do want the same things. She has made what appears to be a real commitment to quitting alcohol. I am looking at my anger and the way I put the responsibility for my happiness on her. That said, I'm not in a particularly healthy place at the moment. Still using YT and junk food as a salve. Last night I had a dream that I was 111kg. I'm not quite there but something in my mind clearly is. And it's meant I have been off my game for a while. BUT, the chaos of the past few weeks is subsiding. And the relapse currently feels more like a fuck up in a (relatively) clean couple of years than a ground zero. I don't want to look at any more porn and have refamiliarised myself with horny anxiety.

Best.
 
Blondie

Blondie

Respected Member
PrometheusUnbound said:
Still using YT and junk food as a salve. Last night I had a dream that I was 111kg. I'm not quite there but something in my mind clearly is. And it's meant I have been off my game for a while. BUT, the chaos of the past few weeks is subsiding.
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Hey @PrometheusUnbound, I get this. Ever sense getting on this journey, I've had my moments of falling into a bad eating habit too, where I've substituted one bad habit for another. I feel like at the end of the day, at least for myself, it's learning the coping mechanisms to deal with real life, and not have to rely on something that doesn't help you in the long run. Easier said than done though! I'm glad to hear things are seemingly better with your partner. Relationships are complicated enough without all this other nonsense, thus bringing all this shit into it makes it even more so.
PrometheusUnbound said:
BUT, the chaos of the past few weeks is subsiding. And the relapse currently feels more like a fuck up in a (relatively) clean couple of years than a ground zero. I don't want to look at any more porn and have refamiliarised myself with horny anxiety.
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I can't emphasize how much I agree with this. Although I blew it a year ago, and a few more times after that, I never did go all the way back into the filth again, and I think that's really helped me this last year. Building those habits of long-term health and growth are not torn down after a few slips ups. Keep that in mind, as you already are, if your brain starts telling you "What the hell, you've alreadly done it once or so, so why does it matter now?"

Fuck your brain and fuck porn. :cool:

Best
 
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PrometheusUnbound

Active Member
No PMO Day 17; no MO Day 17

Cheers for the thoughtful input @Blondie It's definitely a case of substituting one bad habit for another - and something that I haven't been being mindful of. Yesterday I didn't watch any YT (but I definitely looked at Reddit a bit more than usual)!. It's important for me to remember that if I am going to face things like my anger then I can't numb myself all the time. It's definitely time for more self work.

Much love.
 
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PrometheusUnbound

Active Member
No PMO Day 28; no MO Day 28

Around 4 weeks in.

Negatives: Junk food is on, as is YT bingeing; very occasional ogling of IG thirst traps; avoiding messages

Positives: getting to bed earlier and only reading in bed; reading a lot; regular meditation habit; spending more time with my son; things are a little calmer at home; back to weekly gardening...oh yeah, and no PMO or MO
 
Percival

Percival

Active Member
PrometheusUnbound said:
No PMO Day 28; no MO Day 28

Around 4 weeks in.

Negatives: Junk food is on, as is YT bingeing; very occasional ogling of IG thirst traps; avoiding messages

Positives: getting to bed earlier and only reading in bed; reading a lot; regular meditation habit; spending more time with my son; things are a little calmer at home; back to weekly gardening...oh yeah, and no PMO or MO
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All great things mate! It's overwhelming how much of our life needs self-control, not just in regard to porn. But---as we all already know---the more you discipline other areas of life the more all of your life is disciplined.
 
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PrometheusUnbound

Active Member
No PMO Day 34; no MO Day 34

Things are a little more on the up at the moment. In part due to external factors but moreso internally. I'm doing what I need to do with my partner, son, and work - and that feels good. I hope I'll have the time and space to be more creative soon but it isn't a priority right now. I'm staying off YT and junk food today - meditating when I feel the urge for either. My partner and I are building back trust and affection at the moment. Getting used to letting MO urges pass, although not without my mind making unhelpful suggestions!

Have a good week not sitting in the Devil's drive-thru.
 
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PrometheusUnbound

Active Member
No PMO Day 41; no MO Day 1

MO'd last night. I am making a promise to myself that I won't be repeating my usual pattern which is that I will have MO'd 3 times before the 24 hours is up then a 2 day break and then all hell breaking loose before I get it under control. My aim is to not MO today, a week, then for at least 41 days this time.

Good luck this week all.
 
GBS

GBS

Respected Member
Hi Prommers

PrometheusUnbound said:
I am making a promise to myself that I won't be repeating my usual pattern which is that I will have MO'd 3 times before the 24 hours is up then a 2 day break and then all hell breaking loose before I get it under control
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This is a very good resolution - it is remarkably difficult not to fall for the chaser effect and say you will forgive yourself afterwards. So keep fighting, man. You have got this covered.
 
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PrometheusUnbound

Active Member
No PMO Day 43; no MO Day 3

Cheers @Blondie and @GBS !!

On day 3. I'm not sure if this is the first time I have done this or not but it certainly is the first time in a while that I have resisted the chaser effect of a 'one-off' MO (one-off in quotes because they almost never are, of course). This is a cycle I have wanted to break for a while. Before it was all or nothing but I hadn't really made a plan for dealing with my MO issues other than abstinence. Hopefully this is the start of something healthier. It's not a plan to start MOing again. It's more to make sure an MO isn't the start of an inevitable slide into the abyss.

Best
 
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