Hi.
Wanted to share my story. I became interested in porn in 90s as a teenager. First exposure would have been video tape but also adult mags that friends used to circulate.
I was into smoking dope as a teenager which in my opinion weakens your resistance to porn. Had no GF at school, even though a lot of girls were interested in me, I was too insecure to talk to them in a relationshop kind of way, just boring safe chit chat. Porno was an easy cheap substitute to counter pain I was feeling. At this age I didnt know any better or think there was really anything wrong it ( way before nofap). Porn was hard to come by in those day tho as a teen, internet was only dialup and pissweak compared to the HD era. But its all the same. The same intent.
Cut a long story short ive been into porn and sex workers for over 20 years on and off. No real meaningful relationships, It turned me into religion and mediation which is great, Ive learnt so much and already got into non ejaculating (as long as possible) in early 20s studying eastern arts. But I always came back to it.
The real issue was lack of intimacy and after some deep dives into my childhood and teen years, I was the victim of narcissistic bullying mother. From her I learned to fear women and growing up figured her behaviour was normal, if youve seen the movie boogie nights, the scene with the mother always break my heart. I was a sensitive kid and an easy target.
Anyway porn was just a sympton of this deeper issue. Im not entirely blaming my mother, we all come with a burden of some sort and we need to man up and take responsable for it, but knowing the source is also important to fight back.
Re-booting community gives me strength, reading other stories make me feel its ok to not be okay at times (where were most likely to lapse). Thanks for all your stories, I hope mine helps anyone else struggling.
Wanted to share my story. I became interested in porn in 90s as a teenager. First exposure would have been video tape but also adult mags that friends used to circulate.
I was into smoking dope as a teenager which in my opinion weakens your resistance to porn. Had no GF at school, even though a lot of girls were interested in me, I was too insecure to talk to them in a relationshop kind of way, just boring safe chit chat. Porno was an easy cheap substitute to counter pain I was feeling. At this age I didnt know any better or think there was really anything wrong it ( way before nofap). Porn was hard to come by in those day tho as a teen, internet was only dialup and pissweak compared to the HD era. But its all the same. The same intent.
Cut a long story short ive been into porn and sex workers for over 20 years on and off. No real meaningful relationships, It turned me into religion and mediation which is great, Ive learnt so much and already got into non ejaculating (as long as possible) in early 20s studying eastern arts. But I always came back to it.
The real issue was lack of intimacy and after some deep dives into my childhood and teen years, I was the victim of narcissistic bullying mother. From her I learned to fear women and growing up figured her behaviour was normal, if youve seen the movie boogie nights, the scene with the mother always break my heart. I was a sensitive kid and an easy target.
Anyway porn was just a sympton of this deeper issue. Im not entirely blaming my mother, we all come with a burden of some sort and we need to man up and take responsable for it, but knowing the source is also important to fight back.
Re-booting community gives me strength, reading other stories make me feel its ok to not be okay at times (where were most likely to lapse). Thanks for all your stories, I hope mine helps anyone else struggling.
