I DID IT! I GOT TO DAY 30 WITH ZERO PMO!
Oh, and what a day that was. lol.
So, last May and June, I was under an incredibly high level of stress and as a result of that, I went on a PMO binge for about a week. There were multiple things happening in my world that were coming from all different directions and my brain was getting overloaded. The only thing I knew to do at the time was binge on porn. I thought I could get some type of relief from PMO. I felt like I went into a PMO-induced coma for a week. However, it was at that time that I began to realize just how badly I was treating myself and how it was also affecting my family and friends - my relationships. That's when I decided to stop PMO.
Then, on Day 30, the day I wanted to celebrate a milestone in my recovery, I found it so ironic, that when I woke up and barely got through the first half of my cup of coffee, I was being hit with another episode of high-level stress. I felt like God was saying, "Okay, you have already experienced some extreme stress a month ago, things didn't turn out too well. However, you've been on your recovery journey for 30 days now and learned a lot. Let's see how you do this time."
This time around, when I realized what was happening, I just had to sit back and let out a little chuckle. That's right. I laughed at what was going on. Please keep in mind that I was still under the weight of this stress that was causing my brain to explode on the inside, but I laughed. The stress put me in bed for a day and a half from pure exhaustion but, I DID NOT GIVE INTO ANY FORM OF PMO! I got through the challenge and most of the problems that were causing the stress began to just work themselves out.
Here's what worked for me...
A. First, and foremost, I had already created a Vision Plan that made up the foundation for my recovery and there are three parts to it:
1. My relationship with Christ is more important than porn
2. My relationship with my wife is more important than porn
3. My relationship with myself is more important than porn
B. I began reading and learning about my porn addiction and how it affected me mentally, physically, and spiritually.
C. I began journaling and answering the Action Step questions on ReMojo.
D. I was able to connect with an incredible Accountability Partner with which we have a lot of similarities in regards to our recovery.
E. One of the most important things I began to notice is:
1. Because I didn't deal with anger, loneliness, boredom, bitterness, and resentment in a healthy and responsible manner, I fell into the death-spiral trap of porn.
2. When I gave into porn I felt guilty, shameful, and embarrassed, I was less confident, and dealt with depression and high levels of anxiety.
So, now that I'm 30 days out (actually, today when I'm writing this, I'm on Day 32), what is life like for me? I have less brain fog and I have clearer thoughts. I can look my wife in the eyes when having a conversation with her without feeling or being ashamed. I have been able to get out of the house more often to work on my part-time photography business. I feel more confident and that I am a little bit stronger to deal with life's hick-ups when they come my way. I've been able to look around me and be mindful of all that is happening around me, and enjoy it as much as I possibly can for the moment. I have been able to consistently read God's word and have my daily devotions. I'm learning a lot about myself through the devotions I read.
My next goal is to get to Day 60 with Zero PMO. I will still continue to implement the strategies I mentioned above and possibly add some more. Looking at my calendar for the next couple of months, there are a lot of activities on it that could cause me a lot of stress. I'm going to do my best to deal with the stress item in a healthy manner and as much as I can, take a step back and take a break, realize everything will be okay, and if possible, just laugh.
Day 32 - 7/27/2022 | By the Grace of God