MyKindaFreedom
New Member
I'm caught in a cycle at the moment. I get to about 21 days PMO, MO and M free and then I relapse and binge for a few days or even for a week after that. I'll then reread the first informative page on ybop.com, re-read the PMO hackbook (highly recommend this to anyone who hasn't read it) and give up porn again. Except this time will be different, this time I'm going to journal my experience and engage with others who are breaking free of this awful addiction too.
For some context my longest streak without any of the P's the M's and the O's (not including wet dreams) was just over 90 days. that was about 2 years ago. I was so disciplined in almost all aspects of my life during that time. I was eating well and sleeping at a good time, I was working hard and enjoying my work and I was doing strength training consistently and managed to achieve noticeable physical transformations. I do remember flat lining after a month or so and losing almost all sexual desire though. My girlfriend at the time had her own sexuality issues, she would never initiate holding hands, kissing, sex or any form of intimacy. I don't resent her for this, she went through some terrible things in her past however it did have an adverse effect on me. I couldn't maintain an erection with her and so we never actually had sex. She encouraged me to go back to porn saying it was 'natural' and although I was sure I shouldn't I did anyway. After that first viewing I instantly knew what a horrible mistake I had made. I actually felt dizzy and thought I was going to pass out. The chemicals in my brain must've been on overdrive. I put that 90 day streak down to it being the first time I read the PMO hackbook. (It's a free resource someone made, I'm not trying to sell you anything). It's a very short book and is a re write of Alan Carr's famous and highly successful book on how to quit smoking. The book talks about we've been brainwashed into becoming porn addicts and if we'd had known what our first viewing of porn would lead us to we'd never watch porn in the first place. The first time I read it I felt like I was being brainwashed into never viewing porn again, it was incredible. However the 2nd and 3rd reading although they still help me build up solid streaks I always end up relapsing. And that's why I'm here.
I'd like to talk about some things that usually trip me up on the way and I hope anyone who's reading this that can relate or have thoughts on them could offer some input.
One issue I struggle with is having a high sex drive. I say high sex drive but I think it could be very much artificially high due to my addiction. I'm ashamed to write this but I find myself out in public and wishing I could have sex with any woman who's got a beautiful/sexy figure. This is not normal behavior is it? I do try to control myself and try to look away as soon I notice what I'm doing but it's still something I'm struggling with. I then end up eventually feeling like because of my high sex drive I need a release and so eventually end up PMO'ing. This actually leads me to my other issue which is probably again artificial but after a few weeks away from any kind of PMO I feel like I have a build up in my genitals and again, need a release. This again leads me to relapse. However I have gone 90+ days before so I know that's just my addiction trying to get me to relapse.
I'll stop rambling now and will reread again some information on what porn is doing to my brain on ybop. I'll be back again to post updates soon. Thanks to anyone who's read this.
For some context my longest streak without any of the P's the M's and the O's (not including wet dreams) was just over 90 days. that was about 2 years ago. I was so disciplined in almost all aspects of my life during that time. I was eating well and sleeping at a good time, I was working hard and enjoying my work and I was doing strength training consistently and managed to achieve noticeable physical transformations. I do remember flat lining after a month or so and losing almost all sexual desire though. My girlfriend at the time had her own sexuality issues, she would never initiate holding hands, kissing, sex or any form of intimacy. I don't resent her for this, she went through some terrible things in her past however it did have an adverse effect on me. I couldn't maintain an erection with her and so we never actually had sex. She encouraged me to go back to porn saying it was 'natural' and although I was sure I shouldn't I did anyway. After that first viewing I instantly knew what a horrible mistake I had made. I actually felt dizzy and thought I was going to pass out. The chemicals in my brain must've been on overdrive. I put that 90 day streak down to it being the first time I read the PMO hackbook. (It's a free resource someone made, I'm not trying to sell you anything). It's a very short book and is a re write of Alan Carr's famous and highly successful book on how to quit smoking. The book talks about we've been brainwashed into becoming porn addicts and if we'd had known what our first viewing of porn would lead us to we'd never watch porn in the first place. The first time I read it I felt like I was being brainwashed into never viewing porn again, it was incredible. However the 2nd and 3rd reading although they still help me build up solid streaks I always end up relapsing. And that's why I'm here.
I'd like to talk about some things that usually trip me up on the way and I hope anyone who's reading this that can relate or have thoughts on them could offer some input.
One issue I struggle with is having a high sex drive. I say high sex drive but I think it could be very much artificially high due to my addiction. I'm ashamed to write this but I find myself out in public and wishing I could have sex with any woman who's got a beautiful/sexy figure. This is not normal behavior is it? I do try to control myself and try to look away as soon I notice what I'm doing but it's still something I'm struggling with. I then end up eventually feeling like because of my high sex drive I need a release and so eventually end up PMO'ing. This actually leads me to my other issue which is probably again artificial but after a few weeks away from any kind of PMO I feel like I have a build up in my genitals and again, need a release. This again leads me to relapse. However I have gone 90+ days before so I know that's just my addiction trying to get me to relapse.
I'll stop rambling now and will reread again some information on what porn is doing to my brain on ybop. I'll be back again to post updates soon. Thanks to anyone who's read this.
