SmokenMirrors
Well-Known Member
Keep on fighting, king. That burning fire of passion will never go out, it will only dwindle. Send me a message when you feel like you're struggling, I'm here for you man
I want to live.
- Thread starter tay97
- Start date
tay97
Active Member
Day 0 
No PMO
Another punch to the gut. It's not over. Bye Bye smartphone. I won't use one for 30 days to prove myself that I don't need sexting, dating apps or porn in my life. That there is a life without it. If 30 days aren't enough .. 60, 90, 1 year, the rest of my life? I don't give a fuck. This addiction for dopamine, seeking validation from strangers, looking for satisfaction of egostic needs ... I truely hate it. I feel ashamed of walking outside, seeing kids play around ... it breaks my heart to be remembered how joyful I was in the past and how there is little joy left. The little monster in my head is very strong these days and simply resetting my counter or reading some comments clearly don't do it. Fine. Don't you worry, little monster, the next weeks will be cruel to you. You won't let me live, huh? Ok, buddy. I'll let you starve.
No PMOAnother punch to the gut. It's not over. Bye Bye smartphone. I won't use one for 30 days to prove myself that I don't need sexting, dating apps or porn in my life. That there is a life without it. If 30 days aren't enough .. 60, 90, 1 year, the rest of my life? I don't give a fuck. This addiction for dopamine, seeking validation from strangers, looking for satisfaction of egostic needs ... I truely hate it. I feel ashamed of walking outside, seeing kids play around ... it breaks my heart to be remembered how joyful I was in the past and how there is little joy left. The little monster in my head is very strong these days and simply resetting my counter or reading some comments clearly don't do it. Fine. Don't you worry, little monster, the next weeks will be cruel to you. You won't let me live, huh? Ok, buddy. I'll let you starve.
tay97
Active Member
Day 4 
No PMO
Today, I feel incredible aggressive and many little things annoy me. I think my body is rebelling against No PMO. That's ok, I am not going back to that filth, sorry. Other than, that I am constantly thinking about same sex relationships and sex. I think I want to come out to my parents as bi. I have been thinking about this for the last 5 years and I don't know .. it seems like this secrecy holds me back. It's always on my mind .. I just want to put it out there once and move on. Probably after 90 days of No PMO.
No PMOToday, I feel incredible aggressive and many little things annoy me. I think my body is rebelling against No PMO. That's ok, I am not going back to that filth, sorry. Other than, that I am constantly thinking about same sex relationships and sex. I think I want to come out to my parents as bi. I have been thinking about this for the last 5 years and I don't know .. it seems like this secrecy holds me back. It's always on my mind .. I just want to put it out there once and move on. Probably after 90 days of No PMO.
SmokenMirrors
Well-Known Member
Something like this is very personal and you need to process and reveal them in your own time! If you feel comfortable with telling them after your hard 90 is complete, then do it! You must make sure you're ready though!Day 4
Today, I feel incredible aggressive and many little things annoy me. I think my body is rebelling against No PMO. That's ok, I am not going back to that filth, sorry. Other than, that I am constantly thinking about same sex relationships and sex. I think I want to come out to my parents as bi. I have been thinking about this for the last 5 years and I don't know .. it seems like this secrecy holds me back. It's always on my mind .. I just want to put it out there once and move on. Probably after 90 days of No PMO.
swimmer97
Well-Known Member
if i can do it. you can do it 100%. stay strong. do productive stuff or watch good movie play games. remember how you feel afterwards. its worth to stay strong.
lets do this together. cheers
tay97
Active Member
Woke up and thought to myself that I will need my phone for unistuff at wednesday anyways, so I could start using it again. Well, I just went down the spiral of dating apps, social apps, talking to strangers (mostly men), sexting on snapchat and then relapsing. Right after the relapse I felt ashamed and deleted everything and turned off my phone again. Now, I feel relaxed, but tired and weak.
I think the main reason why I use this stuff is for validation. My brain loves the notifcations when ever someone texts me. Whenever someone replies to my nudes as hot .. my brain loves it. Even though edging, looking around on apps and sexting feel good in the moment... those are artificial stimuli. It's not real. It has no real benefits. Those good feelings .. It's like a heroin addict that uses the needle and loves the relief. Look around you, buddy. Your life .. it's a mess.
Going to start reading the EasyPeasyMethod again. https://easypeasymethod.org/de/easypeasy.pdf
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Hey tay97, I read your intro post and I resonate with your friend situation and feeling disconnected. I feel this a lot, especially being at home and away from people my age. We're also around the same age too.Day6Day 0PMO
Woke up and thought to myself that I will need my phone for unistuff at wednesday anyways, so I could start using it again. Well, I just went down the spiral of dating apps, social apps, talking to strangers (mostly men), sexting on snapchat and then relapsing. Right after the relapse I felt ashamed and deleted everything and turned off my phone again. Now, I feel relaxed, but tired and weak.
I think the main reason why I use this stuff is for validation. My brain loves the notifcations when ever someone texts me. Whenever someone replies to my nudes as hot .. my brain loves it. Even though edging, looking around on apps and sexting feel good in the moment... those are artificial stimuli. It's not real. It has no real benefits. Those good feelings .. It's like a heroin addict that uses the needle and loves the relief. Look around you, buddy. Your life .. it's a mess.
Going to start reading the EasyPeasyMethod again. https://easypeasymethod.org/de/easypeasy.pdf
After reading this last entry, I thought of this link which helped me out a lot. https://www.yourbrainonporn.com/reb...-must-i-avoid-during-my-reboot-did-i-relapse/
If you scroll down a bit to 'what must I avoid', it explains how feeding into the pathways that mimic P search/watching, basically anything that just spikes dopamine really, can get in the way of staying on track.
I have this same issue with social media, the validation and dopamine kicks I got out of it. I didn't realize for the longest time that this was activating the same addiction pathways in the brain and so now I am fully off of it.
Trying to focus on my craft/hobby and keeping busy away from screens and into real life even if it's boring
Anyways, wish you all the best. U got this
tay97
Active Member
Day 0 PMO
Failed again. Ignored everything that I wrote yesterday. It's like I am a different person. Put my phone in the basement. I am so angry at myself. I was just daydreaming about a wedding with a woman and how we talk to each other and joke around. WTF. You want a good relationsship and then keep jerking off to some weird shit. Make up your mind. FUCK.
PMOFailed again. Ignored everything that I wrote yesterday. It's like I am a different person. Put my phone in the basement. I am so angry at myself. I was just daydreaming about a wedding with a woman and how we talk to each other and joke around. WTF. You want a good relationsship and then keep jerking off to some weird shit. Make up your mind. FUCK.
tay97
Active Member
Awesome reply. I will definitely look into that. Thank you!Hey tay97, I read your intro post and I resonate with your friend situation and feeling disconnected. I feel this a lot, especially being at home and away from people my age. We're also around the same age too.
After reading this last entry, I thought of this link which helped me out a lot. https://www.yourbrainonporn.com/reb...-must-i-avoid-during-my-reboot-did-i-relapse/
If you scroll down a bit to 'what must I avoid', it explains how feeding into the pathways that mimic P search/watching, basically anything that just spikes dopamine really, can get in the way of staying on track.
I have this same issue with social media, the validation and dopamine kicks I got out of it. I didn't realize for the longest time that this was activating the same addiction pathways in the brain and so now I am fully off of it.
Trying to focus on my craft/hobby and keeping busy away from screens and into real life even if it's boring
Anyways, wish you all the best. U got this
honest_wiiinster
New Member
I feel this very much. I truly wish you the best of luck on your journey.
tay97
Active Member
Day 3 No PMO ? I don't want to count anymore. I'm reading the easypeasymethod and it helps a lot. No need for blocking sites or putting my phone away in the basement. It's about understanding that porn has no value. That's it.
My thoughts still wander around porn or hooking up but in those moments I look at it logicallly and without effort I lose those thoughts. I highly, highly recommend: https://easypeasymethod.org/
My thoughts still wander around porn or hooking up but in those moments I look at it logicallly and without effort I lose those thoughts. I highly, highly recommend: https://easypeasymethod.org/
sho0fl
Active Member
Hey Tay, nice to see you still around and fighting.
Keep up the good work, I know you might feel that this is not a 'good work', but for me (reading through your journal) it seems that you're on the right way.
What I think would help is to think positively about yourself, introspect and see why you're relapsing, what's the cause of it, and think how you can improve. Go about the improvement with baby steps, one by one, try new things to overcome your 'buzz'es your triggers, do it one day, do it a second, on the third get your mind towards something else. Anything, but P, and then once you have a start you'll begin to have confidence as well.
Also, don't think negatively about your counter, try not counting days, what would you do after an year off P? Count 366 and up until you're dead? Have you counted how many days in a row you've eaten breakfast since your last time you missed it?
You can shift yourself towards other things, and this will help. This shift begins with how you feel about yourself, and how you feel about yourself has everything to do about how you think. Thinking negatively will not result in anything good. Even if you do relapse (I've had a couple) think positively and try to find the meaningful things for you that you stand by.
All the best man
Keep up the good work, I know you might feel that this is not a 'good work', but for me (reading through your journal) it seems that you're on the right way.
What I think would help is to think positively about yourself, introspect and see why you're relapsing, what's the cause of it, and think how you can improve. Go about the improvement with baby steps, one by one, try new things to overcome your 'buzz'es your triggers, do it one day, do it a second, on the third get your mind towards something else. Anything, but P, and then once you have a start you'll begin to have confidence as well.
Also, don't think negatively about your counter, try not counting days, what would you do after an year off P? Count 366 and up until you're dead? Have you counted how many days in a row you've eaten breakfast since your last time you missed it?
You can shift yourself towards other things, and this will help. This shift begins with how you feel about yourself, and how you feel about yourself has everything to do about how you think. Thinking negatively will not result in anything good. Even if you do relapse (I've had a couple) think positively and try to find the meaningful things for you that you stand by.
All the best man
tay97
Active Member
It's been a minute. I tried and failed so many times over the last couple of months. It's scary to get older knowing that I am wasting my energy and time.
Day zero today. I am not counting and I won't be here anytime soon. But, I have a lot of legos and plan to put one lego a day on a base so that I can see my small lego house grow from day to day.
Hope you guys are doing well. I am so tired.
Day zero today. I am not counting and I won't be here anytime soon. But, I have a lot of legos and plan to put one lego a day on a base so that I can see my small lego house grow from day to day.
Hope you guys are doing well. I am so tired.
SmokenMirrors
Well-Known Member
You've got this!
tay97
Active Member
Day 0
- This week has been challenging. Building the lego house didn't work. I think I will try to log on here daily again.
- A couple of days ago, I hooked up with a guy. He was nice and I enjoyed our time but I felt so empty and dull while going home. I want something real. Not just sex and go.
- Lately, I have been consuming a lot of porn with woman only. A weird part of my part is telling me that it is ok to PMO to girls because I want to be with a woman and it is healthy because of my bisexuality. I know it's not.
- I will start small. My goals now are 3 healthy days of being completely pornfree. MO is fine.
today - 
- This week has been challenging. Building the lego house didn't work. I think I will try to log on here daily again.
- A couple of days ago, I hooked up with a guy. He was nice and I enjoyed our time but I felt so empty and dull while going home. I want something real. Not just sex and go.
- Lately, I have been consuming a lot of porn with woman only. A weird part of my part is telling me that it is ok to PMO to girls because I want to be with a woman and it is healthy because of my bisexuality. I know it's not.
- I will start small. My goals now are 3 healthy days of being completely pornfree. MO is fine.
today -
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