Chubakeane
Member
Muchas veces siento que podria escribir un libro entero ya que mi problema con esta adiccion (silenciosa, solitaria y oscura adiccion) viene desde hace años y ha pasado por diferentes matices e intensidades.. Desde dudar de mi sexualidad y sentirme avergonzado por eso (hoy estoy seguro que soy bisexual) hasta caer en los videos mas raros (como el scat) todo en pos de "aumentar la dosis"
Hoy tuve otra recaida que voy a tomar como una despedida (mi maldito bloqueador de porno por alguna razon fallo hoy)
Voy a iniciar mi dia 0 presentandome para luego ir desarollando mi vida, aunque voy a enfocarme en mis ultimos años para resumir
Tengo 28 años, vivo con mi esposa y estamos haciendo un tratamiento para tener un embarazo, (deseo un buen padre y debo superar esto!)
Ultimamente miraba porno todos los dias, mas de una vez al dia. Desde siempre tuve una fuerte ambicion hacia las bbw en lo que eran las categorías heteros (ambición que tambien tengo en las calles mirando siempre fijamente a chicas gordas o con grandes curvas que me cruzaba, dios me siento tan culpable por ello) y en las categorias gays que se fue intensificando con el tiempo y en la cual cai por sentir que el porno hetero ya no me exitaba con facilidad y necesitaba esa dosis "mas fuerte y extraña"
[Leer con precaución, esto que voy a contar son practicas muy peligrosas que pueden afectar la salud]
Aqui la parte mas peligrosa de mi adiccion: empeze a sentir que no alcanzaba solo con masturbarme y comenze una vieja practica que ya habia experimentado cuando estaba soltero: usar dildos caseros (verduras, envases cilindricos, palos etc)
De a poco esto fue creciendo: cuando estaba solo en mi casa solia ponerme ropa intima de mi esposa, llevarme un espejo grande al baño y comenzar alli ese ritual que terminaba en correrme en mi propia cara y despues una sensacion de vacio y verguenza inexplicable.. Asi y todo cada vez que sabia que iba a estar solo en mi casa me invadia una ansiedad terrible para volver a hacer esas practicas, que insisto, son muy peligrosas y han llegado a lastimarme levemente. Incluso las he hecho mientras me bañaba o mientras mi esposa dormia.
Obviamente he tenido DE en reiteradas oportunidades, me ha salvado el hecho de que no tenemos relaciones muy seguido y pude excusarme diciendo "hoy estoy cansado"
A la vez pienso que no estar soltero muchaa veces me salvo de no cometer otros actos mas arriesgados como contactar alguna shemale. Cosa que ciertamente me tentaba mucho
Tambien pienso que de haber invertido el tiempo en la música y en mi piano que es mi pasion, en vez de en el porno hoy seria un misico excelente
Bien voy a dejar esto por ahora esperando mañana contar que estoy limpio, pido disculpas por lo extenso de este relato y me gustaria mucho leerlos a todos..
Muchas gracias de verdad!
ENGLISH
sometimes i think can write a book, cause my problem with this addiction (silent, dark and solitary addition) occurs a long time along and occurs on different ways and intensities ranging from have doubt about my sexuality to fall in rares videos like the scat as a form to "aument the dose" (aniway now im sure to im bisex)
Today i had a relapse again, but i want take this like a "last time and goodbye" (my fuc**ing porn blocker for some reason has failed today)
i will beging my 0 day introducing myself and after will below developed my life history. although now Im going to tell you about my last period.
well, i'm 28 years old, live with my wife, and we are doing a medical treatment to can be pregnant (i wanna be a great father, and i will had to can get over this!)
Lately I was watching a lot of porn every day, more than once a day. I have always been very obsessed with bbw in the straight porn categories (many times I took that obsession away from home and compulsively saw fat women on the street... God I feel so guilty) I later fell into the gay categories because straight porn didn't excite me as much anymore and beging to need aument the dose.
[Trigger warning! Read carefully, what I am going to tell you are very dangerous practices that can affect your health]
Here is the most dangerous part of my addiction: I began to feel that DMO was not enough and I started an old practice that I had already experienced when I was single: using homemade dildos (vegetables, cylindrical containers, sticks, etc.) Little by little this grew: when I was alone in my house I used to put on my wife's underwear, take a large mirror to the bathroom and start that ritual there that ended up cumming on my own face and then a feeling of emptiness and inexplicable shame. Even so, every time I knew that I was going to be alone in my house, I was invaded by a terrible anxiety to do those practices again, which I insist, are very dangerous and have even hurt me slightly. I have even made them while taking a shower or while my wife was sleeping.
Obviously I have had ED on several occasions, the fact that we don't have sex very often has saved me and I was able to excuse myself by saying "I'm tired today"
At the same time I think that not being single often saves me from committing other more risky acts such as contacting a shemale. Something that certainly tempted me a lot I
also think that if I had invested time in music and my piano, which is my passion, instead of porn, today I would be an excellent musician. Well, I am going to leave this for now, waiting tomorrow to tell you that I am clean, I apologize for the length of this story and I would very much like to read them all..
Thank you very much really!
Hoy tuve otra recaida que voy a tomar como una despedida (mi maldito bloqueador de porno por alguna razon fallo hoy)
Voy a iniciar mi dia 0 presentandome para luego ir desarollando mi vida, aunque voy a enfocarme en mis ultimos años para resumir
Tengo 28 años, vivo con mi esposa y estamos haciendo un tratamiento para tener un embarazo, (deseo un buen padre y debo superar esto!)
Ultimamente miraba porno todos los dias, mas de una vez al dia. Desde siempre tuve una fuerte ambicion hacia las bbw en lo que eran las categorías heteros (ambición que tambien tengo en las calles mirando siempre fijamente a chicas gordas o con grandes curvas que me cruzaba, dios me siento tan culpable por ello) y en las categorias gays que se fue intensificando con el tiempo y en la cual cai por sentir que el porno hetero ya no me exitaba con facilidad y necesitaba esa dosis "mas fuerte y extraña"
[Leer con precaución, esto que voy a contar son practicas muy peligrosas que pueden afectar la salud]
Aqui la parte mas peligrosa de mi adiccion: empeze a sentir que no alcanzaba solo con masturbarme y comenze una vieja practica que ya habia experimentado cuando estaba soltero: usar dildos caseros (verduras, envases cilindricos, palos etc)
De a poco esto fue creciendo: cuando estaba solo en mi casa solia ponerme ropa intima de mi esposa, llevarme un espejo grande al baño y comenzar alli ese ritual que terminaba en correrme en mi propia cara y despues una sensacion de vacio y verguenza inexplicable.. Asi y todo cada vez que sabia que iba a estar solo en mi casa me invadia una ansiedad terrible para volver a hacer esas practicas, que insisto, son muy peligrosas y han llegado a lastimarme levemente. Incluso las he hecho mientras me bañaba o mientras mi esposa dormia.
Obviamente he tenido DE en reiteradas oportunidades, me ha salvado el hecho de que no tenemos relaciones muy seguido y pude excusarme diciendo "hoy estoy cansado"
A la vez pienso que no estar soltero muchaa veces me salvo de no cometer otros actos mas arriesgados como contactar alguna shemale. Cosa que ciertamente me tentaba mucho
Tambien pienso que de haber invertido el tiempo en la música y en mi piano que es mi pasion, en vez de en el porno hoy seria un misico excelente
Bien voy a dejar esto por ahora esperando mañana contar que estoy limpio, pido disculpas por lo extenso de este relato y me gustaria mucho leerlos a todos..
Muchas gracias de verdad!
ENGLISH
sometimes i think can write a book, cause my problem with this addiction (silent, dark and solitary addition) occurs a long time along and occurs on different ways and intensities ranging from have doubt about my sexuality to fall in rares videos like the scat as a form to "aument the dose" (aniway now im sure to im bisex)
Today i had a relapse again, but i want take this like a "last time and goodbye" (my fuc**ing porn blocker for some reason has failed today)
i will beging my 0 day introducing myself and after will below developed my life history. although now Im going to tell you about my last period.
well, i'm 28 years old, live with my wife, and we are doing a medical treatment to can be pregnant (i wanna be a great father, and i will had to can get over this!)
Lately I was watching a lot of porn every day, more than once a day. I have always been very obsessed with bbw in the straight porn categories (many times I took that obsession away from home and compulsively saw fat women on the street... God I feel so guilty) I later fell into the gay categories because straight porn didn't excite me as much anymore and beging to need aument the dose.
[Trigger warning! Read carefully, what I am going to tell you are very dangerous practices that can affect your health]
Here is the most dangerous part of my addiction: I began to feel that DMO was not enough and I started an old practice that I had already experienced when I was single: using homemade dildos (vegetables, cylindrical containers, sticks, etc.) Little by little this grew: when I was alone in my house I used to put on my wife's underwear, take a large mirror to the bathroom and start that ritual there that ended up cumming on my own face and then a feeling of emptiness and inexplicable shame. Even so, every time I knew that I was going to be alone in my house, I was invaded by a terrible anxiety to do those practices again, which I insist, are very dangerous and have even hurt me slightly. I have even made them while taking a shower or while my wife was sleeping.
Obviously I have had ED on several occasions, the fact that we don't have sex very often has saved me and I was able to excuse myself by saying "I'm tired today"
At the same time I think that not being single often saves me from committing other more risky acts such as contacting a shemale. Something that certainly tempted me a lot I
also think that if I had invested time in music and my piano, which is my passion, instead of porn, today I would be an excellent musician. Well, I am going to leave this for now, waiting tomorrow to tell you that I am clean, I apologize for the length of this story and I would very much like to read them all..
Thank you very much really!
