Following the Light

Brutus

Member
My addiction to Pornography started shortly after I graduated high school in 2017. I am 23 years old and this addiction has effectively put my life on hold the past 5 years. I am a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints (Mormon). Male members are expected to serve a 2 year mission where they focus on teaching others about Jesus Christ. My church is very strict about the spiritual standards that must be met to serve a mission. A pornography addiction is not tolerated, nor would I want to serve a mission with such a problem. I’ve talked to my spiritual leaders about this problem and they've told me I need to be sober for at least 90 days in order to go (coincidence?). I found out about these forms while reading YBOP and feel like journaling daily will help me to stay motivated to stop looking at porn. I desperately want to go on a mission but this addiction has kept me from doing so for 5 years. My bishop told me that I’m starting to get too old to go, as the age cutoff is 24. After hearing this, I decided that this addiction wasn’t going to take any more of my time. I know I can’t overcome this addiction through my own willpower. I’ve been trying for the past 5 years with no success. The only way I will overcome this is by relying on Jesus Christ. I know that he can heal my soul and take away my desire to look at Pornography if I am willing to seek Him.

I am currently on day 11 of no PMO and feel really good about my current streak. I’ll be making daily updates each evening. Any support is greatly appreciated!
 

Brutus

Member
Day 12, No PMO. had a good day spending time with family. Excited to go to church tomorrow. It always gives me strength for the upcoming week.
 

Brutus

Member
Day 14, no PMO. Felt some urges earlier today but felt a lot better after exercising. I think the key for me is to keep a balanced life style so don't feel the need to look at P. Exercise has been a big part of that process for me.
 

Brutus

Member
Day 15, no PMO. It feels great to be at 2 weeks right now but I need to stay on guard. In the past, I've gotten to this point in recovery and relapsed. I actually can't remember the last time I was sober for more than 2 weeks. It feels great but I am nervous at the same time because of what lies ahead. This is new ground for me and I need to be vigilant in order to keep myself from relapsing.
 

Brutus

Member
Day 16, no PMO. Today was the hardest I've faced so far in my reboot. I had a dream this morning that I looked at P. Whenever this has happened to me in the past, I would be horny all day and relapse that night. Thankfully, the urges aren't as strong today as I have faced before. I will continue to pray for strength in this addiction. I believe that my own strength can only get me so far. Ultimately, I need to rely on a power that is greater than myself. For me personally, that power is God.

I'm going to be extra cautious tonight since I might still have an urge to act out my dream. Porn is not an option for me anymore.
 
Top