Following the Light

[Brutus]

Day 48 no PMO

It feels good to be a little over halfway to 90 days. One weird thing I noticed lately is that I am eating a lot of food despite not really being hungry. I wonder if this is my brain trying to get dopamine from other sources now that I'm not looking at P. Luckily I'm eating a Whole Foods Plant Based diet right now. It's extremely difficult to gain weight when you are only eating fruits, vegetables and whole grains.

I read this today by John Pontius, a Christian author. I find that it especially applies to my addiction.
"If you try to act on your own [power], by your own willpower, you are pitting your strength against the power of the addiction---and the fact that you even have an addiction stipulates that your strength isn't up to the task."

Realizing my own power isn't up to the task, I put my trust in God just as Philippians 4:13 says, "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." His power is what has brought me to day 48 and will continue to carry me.

 

[Winnerwhoabstains]

Oh wow that is awesome! Totally perfert that you have the meetings and they are through the church.

That is a really good point - keep up the good work!

 

[Brutus]

Day 49 no PMO

Feeling good today. I need to work on fixing my sleep schedule. I tend to take an afternoon nap and can't fall asleep easily at night as a result. Lying awake in bed can be a major trigger to PMO for me sometimes so I need to get this squared away. I also find that my productivity is better when I wake up earlier and spend time meditating/praying/studying.

 

[Brutus]

Day 50 no PMO

I'm experiencing really bad brain fog right now. I can't tell if it's from my recovery or an inconsistent sleep schedule or maybe both. I feel like in high school my mind was much quicker than it is now. That was only a few years ago and I feel like my brain's processing power has been reduced by like 50%. There's no way this is only a result of age, right? I'm hoping not anyway. It will be interesting to finally reach 90 days and finish the reboot. Here's to hoping it helps with my foggy brain.

 

[iwander]

Wow, 50 days that's great process! Maybe you just tired or need a vacation? Sometimes I have a foggy brain if I slept more than I needed or having messed up sleep rhythm without any physical activity.

 

[Androg]

Can you do some socializing? It seems to be critically important to give your brain the rewards it evolved to seek as you cut out the destructive rewards.

 

[Daybyday1988]

Day 50 no PMO

I'm experiencing really bad brain fog right now. I can't tell if it's from my recovery or an inconsistent sleep schedule or maybe both. I feel like in high school my mind was much quicker than it is now. That was only a few years ago and I feel like my brain's processing power has been reduced by like 50%. There's no way this is only a result of age, right? I'm hoping not anyway. It will be interesting to finally reach 90 days and finish the reboot. Here's to hoping it helps with my foggy brain.

dude i feel the same exact way! now i feel like im barely able to string phrases together! im hoping it is a part of the P addiction and goes away with time but yeah i never remember it being this hard before my addiction begain 14ish years or so ago. im 120 days no pmo

 

[Brutus]

dude i feel the same exact way! now i feel like im barely able to string phrases together! im hoping it is a part of the P addiction and goes away with time but yeah i never remember it being this hard before my addiction begain 14ish years or so ago. im 120 days no pmo

Dang 120 days is awesome! Keep it up! I think Patrick Carnes wrote that 2 years no PMO is someone in strong recovery, something he calls the growth phase. I hope it doesn't take this long for the brain fog to subside for us.

 

[Daybyday1988]

Dang 120 days is awesome! Keep it up! I think Patrick Carnes wrote that 2 years no PMO is someone in strong recovery, something he calls the growth phase. I hope it doesn't take this long for the brain fog to subside for us.

I hope so too. It's kind of embarrassing stumbling over words all the time.

Yeah I never thought I would get to 120 days. I've Been trying (I guess I use that word loosely) for over a decade now. I heard about P addition and Gary Wilson and Gabe deem at least a decade ago but just couldn't quit. The two things I've done differently are Covenant Eyes blocking software with a good accountability partner, and I got married to a lovely woman who I know have a child with so pretty hard to sneak away and PMO. I remember you saying you're using Cold Turkey. How Is that working for you?

 

[Brutus]

Day 51 no PMO

Had a good day, just need to get more consistent about when I wake up/sleep. Seems like an inconsistent schedule affects me more than my family or friends. weird.

Wow, 50 days that's great process! Maybe you just tired or need a vacation? Sometimes I have a foggy brain if I slept more than I needed or having messed up sleep rhythm without any physical activity.

I feel the same way when I sleep too much. I actually feel worse when I sleep in compared to when I get less than 8 hours.

Can you do some socializing? It seems to be critically important to give your brain the rewards it evolved to seek as you cut out the destructive rewards.

I hadn't thought about talking with other people to reduce brain fog. I'm an introvert so I tend to neglect socializing with others. I'll give it a try this week!

 

[Brutus]

I hope so too. It's kind of embarrassing stumbling over words all the time.

Yeah I never thought I would get to 120 days. I've Been trying (I guess I use that word loosely) for over a decade now. I heard about P addition and Gary Wilson and Gabe deem at least a decade ago but just couldn't quit. The two things I've done differently are Covenant Eyes blocking software with a good accountability partner, and I got married to a lovely woman who I know have a child with so pretty hard to sneak away and PMO. I remember you saying you're using Cold Turkey. How Is that working for you?

Cold Turkey has made the difference for me on my desktop. I have a timer set that blocks my internet connection at 10 PM every night. I also blocked the P sites I used to visit along with things like Twitter and Deviant Art. It's cool because I have those sites blocked until July. You could block websites for years if you really wanted to. The only problem I have with it is there is no mobile version. Maybe I'll have to look into Covenant Eyes for that.

Nice pfp by the way

 

[Daybyday1988]

Cold Turkey has made the difference for me on my desktop. I have a timer set that blocks my internet connection at 10 PM every night. I also blocked the P sites I used to visit along with things like Twitter and Deviant Art. It's cool because I have those sites blocked until July. You could block websites for years if you really wanted to. The only problem I have with it is there is no mobile version. Maybe I'll have to look into Covenant Eyes for that.

Nice pfp by the way

Dang, no mobile version? I feel like most use their phone or tablet for this addiction as they can take it in bed with them easily. Definitely was the case for me. I like the accountability portion of CE as i know that if i even tried to access something i shouldnt, my accountability partner is going to see it. Makes it way more difficult to use. Plus it blocks anything you list and can be installed on up to 4 devices including a desktop. Really works for me as i have a computer, 2 tablets and a cell phone.

Thanks, Jesus is Lord! My faith is a huge part of my success in this area and all the glory to God for anything good that comes from it. Im really hoping to help someone else who needs it because i know how bad i did.

 

[Brutus]

Day 52 no PMO

Almost 2 months now. So crazy!
I'm still getting physical urges to act out but I say a quick prayer whenever this happens and the feeling passes. I've been reflecting lately to when I was relapsing on a regular basis. My life now compared to back then is like night and day, and I never want to go back there. Thankfully, God helps me fulfill this righteous desire by giving daily strength. As long as I am faithful to Him, He sends the necessary power to overcome these temptations.

 

[Brutus]

Thanks, Jesus is Lord! My faith is a huge part of my success in this area and all the glory to God for anything good that comes from it. Im really hoping to help someone else who needs it because i know how bad i did.

Amen brother!
The furthest I got in regards to my addiction was about 3 weeks abstinence. Time and time again, I would relapse after getting to this point. It wasn't until I cried out to Jesus Christ for relief that I started to really recover. The only way I was able to reach 52 days was through His incredible power. I simply had to give the burden to Him and He has carried it ever since. He hasn't failed me yet and I know that He won't.

 

[Daybyday1988]

Amen brother!
The furthest I got in regards to my addiction was about 3 weeks abstinence. Time and time again, I would relapse after getting to this point. It wasn't until I cried out to Jesus Christ for relief that I started to really recover. The only way I was able to reach 52 days was through His incredible power. I simply had to give the burden to Him and He has carried it ever since. He hasn't failed me yet and I know that He won't.

That's encouraging to hear brother. And very happy that you are following Him! It reminds me of when He said this:

Matthew 11:28-30 KJV
"Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light."

The burden and weight of our sin damns us to Hell for all eternity, that is unless you have saving faith in Christ that He became the sacrifice to satisfy the perfect, holy and just wrath of God.

We are no longer a slave to sin, but to Him:

Romans 6:18 NIV
"You have been set free from sin and have become slaves to righteousness."

God keep you brother! He will sanctify you!

 

[Brutus]

Day 53 no PMO

Woke up much earlier today to study and exercise. Hoping to make a consistent sleep schedule over the next few weeks.

 

[Blondie]

Day 53 @Brutus, congrats!

 

[Brutus]

Day 54 no PMO

I was watching some videos on Youtube yesterday with some suggestive material that started to trigger me a bit. I recognized this and decided to close the tab and start reading instead. Felt better after a couple hours. Seems I have to remain extremely vigilant in order to prevent my brain from going down old pathways. I don't mind too much. Most suggestive content on the internet isn't really worth my time anyway. I guess one problem I have is I get lazy sometimes and want to watch some mindless content online.

I was reading in a book called He Restoreth My Soul which is about spiritual recovery from pornography addiction. I really related to a few parts while reading. The first part is in reference to Revelations 3:20. "Behold, I stand at the door, and knock: if any man hear my voice, and open the door, I will come in to him, and will sup with him, and he with me." The author talked about this scripture in relation to his addiction.
"Before I got into true recovery, I met Christ at the door and told Him that He didn't need to come in - I made the mess, I would clean it up and some day my house would be clean enough for Him to come in without judging me and thinking I was stupid, slothful, and filthy. I sent Him away empty handed." This described what I was doing for the 6 years I struggled with this addiction. I thought I could handle things myself, that the addiction would become manageable once I put enough things in order. No matter how hard I struggled, I couldn't overcome the addiction by my own power.

"Next, I finally realized I couldn't clean up my house by myself. It was a filthy house and I was ashamed of it. Satan whispered "quick, hide" whenever Christ came. I was done hiding and finally, with so much fear, let Him in. I showed Him around nervously just waiting for Him to start telling me how dumb I was to have let my house get so dirty and for not knowing how to clean it up. I wept inside, bracing myself for His wrath. Instead, He quietly knelt down and started cleaning, inviting me to help where I could."
Opening the door and letting Christ into my life is what has saved me from this addiction. It still takes work and He expects quite a bit from me in this new relationship but I've found Christ to be a much more merciful master than addiction ever was. For that, I feel an enduring love and gratitude to my savior.

 

[Daybyday1988]

I guess one problem I have is I get lazy sometimes and want to watch some mindless content online.

Same here. It's a way to just kind-of veg. Out and pass time. I read as well but It's always a challenging read like a textbook or the Bible so sometimes it does feel nice to do something mindless, even though I probably shouldnt.

Oh brother what a beautiful story about the Lord! It brings tears to my eyes how good He is and how merciful He is toward His own. Come to Him no matter how desperate or non-desperate you are!

 

[Brutus]

Day 55 no PMO

Woke up at 4 AM this morning and couldn't get back to sleep. This used to be a really big trigger for me to relapse. It's much easier now because I decide to read in bed rather than look at P. It also helps that my internet is blocked until later in the day. Still trying to fix my sleep, which is why I woke up so early and couldn't sleep in the first place.