Following the Light
- Thread starter Brutus
- Start date
Brutus
Active Member
One thing that's helped me is praying for a desire to read in the first place. God helps me to have the desire to do those things which are good that my body/mind doesn't want to.
I love my savior Jesus Christ. My joy from being saved is now greater than the sorrow I felt during the addiction. I walked through the valley of the shadow of death and now I am able to rest in green pastures. He has restored my soul.
Brutus
Active Member
Day 56 no PMO
Woke up at 4 in the morning again, couldn't sleep. Decided to read and listen to music. I thankfully don't even think about P that early in the morning anymore. I feel like P use is really starting to become separate from my current identity which is fantastic.
I am trying to wake up at 6 AM and sleep at 10 PM every night. I have found that keeping a consistent sleep schedule helps with my mood and triggers. Guess I'll be running on a little less sleep until my body adjusts to the new schedule.
I have found that music is so much more enjoyable now. I can listen to an old song I've heard a thousand times and still really enjoy it. This definitely didn't happen while PMOing every couple days. Exercise and food are starting to become more enjoyable too. I really feel like my brain is starting to receive more dopamine from the little things now. Overall, there is a new zest for life which I haven't felt for years. Here's to continued recovery!
Woke up at 4 in the morning again, couldn't sleep. Decided to read and listen to music. I thankfully don't even think about P that early in the morning anymore. I feel like P use is really starting to become separate from my current identity which is fantastic.
I am trying to wake up at 6 AM and sleep at 10 PM every night. I have found that keeping a consistent sleep schedule helps with my mood and triggers. Guess I'll be running on a little less sleep until my body adjusts to the new schedule.
I have found that music is so much more enjoyable now. I can listen to an old song I've heard a thousand times and still really enjoy it. This definitely didn't happen while PMOing every couple days. Exercise and food are starting to become more enjoyable too. I really feel like my brain is starting to receive more dopamine from the little things now. Overall, there is a new zest for life which I haven't felt for years. Here's to continued recovery!
Brutus
Active Member
I appreciate the support Blondie!
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nickd247
Member
amen brother, glad to hear that. He is the cause of our salvation and im sure the sanctification as well.
thats great to hear! once it starts to become distant and no longer on the forefront of your mind you begin to not really see it as a viable option for pleasure seeking or stress management. By the way, i am daybyday1988. Someone reported me for "spam" for sharing a link to the blocking software i use.
Brutus
Active Member
Oof, sorry for the ban. Glad you're still sticking around with a different account though!
I am finding that God's work for me is too important to let this addiction get in the way of it. Pornography use is diametrically opposed to God and His laws. Thankfully He gives me the needed strength to overcome my temptations if I stay faithful to Him and don't rely on my own power.
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Brutus
Active Member
Day 57 no PMO
I decided to use my favorite scripture as my signature. Romans 5:6-8 gave me particular comfort while going through my struggles with addiction. I was separated from God because of my addiction and this scripture gave me hope that despite my disobedience, He still loved me. This love is so complete that He was willing to give His son as a sacrifice in order for us to return to His presence. My longing to feel His love is what kept me going after every relapse. Now I feel His love every day and my joy is full. God is good.
I decided to use my favorite scripture as my signature. Romans 5:6-8 gave me particular comfort while going through my struggles with addiction. I was separated from God because of my addiction and this scripture gave me hope that despite my disobedience, He still loved me. This love is so complete that He was willing to give His son as a sacrifice in order for us to return to His presence. My longing to feel His love is what kept me going after every relapse. Now I feel His love every day and my joy is full. God is good.
nickd247
Member
amen brother, sin separates us from God and it is why we cannot rely on our own strength to overcome it as you've mentioned. It is also why it is folly to "follow your heart" as the world would put it. If you follow your heart and your carnal desires, they will lead you to Hell. Instead, when we look at what God says about our heart, Jeremiah 17:9-10 "“The heart is deceitful above all things, And desperately wicked; Who can know it?" we get a much clearer picture.
"But God commendeth his love toward us, in that, while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us." Love this one, brother. The book of Romans so exemplifies and condenses the gospel, it is the crux of the soul winning outline that many in the church use, often called "Roman's Road". Also, love the good ole' King James! Bless you on crucifixion day brother.
Brutus
Active Member
Day 58 no PMO
My sister is visiting for the week. She just finished a semester in college and is spending time with my family before moving to Oregon to work this summer. It feels so great to not have shame or guilt because of relapses. It's hard to face people you care about while struggling with this addiction, especially family members. I am indeed blessed to have the opportunity to focus on spending time with my sister rather than struggling with this addiction. He continues to save me day by day!
My sister is visiting for the week. She just finished a semester in college and is spending time with my family before moving to Oregon to work this summer. It feels so great to not have shame or guilt because of relapses. It's hard to face people you care about while struggling with this addiction, especially family members. I am indeed blessed to have the opportunity to focus on spending time with my sister rather than struggling with this addiction. He continues to save me day by day!
nickd247
Member
Praise God. The added benefit of having family over is there is really no way to PMO even if you wanted to! Great healthy boundary
Brutus
Active Member
Day 59 no PMO
Had a super great Sunday at church and spent time with family. My family ties have become more important and meaningful to me since I decided to quit this addiction. It felt good to celebrate the sacrifice of Jesus Christ today. His power has changed my heart to where I no longer want to indulge in this addiction. He has completely removed lust from my heart. Words cannot express the gratitude that I feel for this blessing.
Had a super great Sunday at church and spent time with family. My family ties have become more important and meaningful to me since I decided to quit this addiction. It felt good to celebrate the sacrifice of Jesus Christ today. His power has changed my heart to where I no longer want to indulge in this addiction. He has completely removed lust from my heart. Words cannot express the gratitude that I feel for this blessing.
Brutus
Active Member
Day 60 no PMO!
Man 2 months already! It's gone by so quick. I am now 2/3 of the way to 90 days. What's incredible to me is that I feel so great at this stage in recovery. I have a new zest for living and spending time with those I care about. I have strength and energy to do those things which are most important to me like exercising, reading, writing and investing in relationships. I can't even describe how good music sounds now. I can sit and listen to prog rock songs that are 18+ minutes and be completely enthralled. The sunshine is brighter, the air smells cleaner, food tastes better.
I am very interested in seeing what 3 months is going to look like and if I will feel even better at that point. Time to stay focused and hit 90 days. After that, my goal is lifelong sobriety.
Man 2 months already! It's gone by so quick. I am now 2/3 of the way to 90 days. What's incredible to me is that I feel so great at this stage in recovery. I have a new zest for living and spending time with those I care about. I have strength and energy to do those things which are most important to me like exercising, reading, writing and investing in relationships. I can't even describe how good music sounds now. I can sit and listen to prog rock songs that are 18+ minutes and be completely enthralled. The sunshine is brighter, the air smells cleaner, food tastes better.
I am very interested in seeing what 3 months is going to look like and if I will feel even better at that point. Time to stay focused and hit 90 days. After that, my goal is lifelong sobriety.
Brutus
Active Member
Day 61 no PMO
Finally got a full night's sleep with this new schedule. I woke up once at 1:00 AM for about 30 minutes and then fell asleep again. 7 and 1/2 hours isn't too bad, better than the 4-5 hours I was getting before. Gonna keep to this new schedule because I feel better throughout the day and I am super productive during the morning.
Finally got a full night's sleep with this new schedule. I woke up once at 1:00 AM for about 30 minutes and then fell asleep again. 7 and 1/2 hours isn't too bad, better than the 4-5 hours I was getting before. Gonna keep to this new schedule because I feel better throughout the day and I am super productive during the morning.
Brutus
Active Member
Day 62 no PMO
I had a weird wet dream experience last night. I didn't have any erotic dreams before it happened. I was suddenly half awake and realized I was about to ejaculate. Instead of fighting it, I decided to just let nature take over. It was kind of weird experiencing that again after two months.
I decided to pray and meditate about it instead of using it as an excuse to actually relapse. As far as I am concerned, wet dreams aren't relapses because it is a natural process of the body. In the past I likely would have relapsed after an experience like this. Thankfully I am no longer ruled by lust but by a higher power.
I had a weird wet dream experience last night. I didn't have any erotic dreams before it happened. I was suddenly half awake and realized I was about to ejaculate. Instead of fighting it, I decided to just let nature take over. It was kind of weird experiencing that again after two months.
I decided to pray and meditate about it instead of using it as an excuse to actually relapse. As far as I am concerned, wet dreams aren't relapses because it is a natural process of the body. In the past I likely would have relapsed after an experience like this. Thankfully I am no longer ruled by lust but by a higher power.
Brutus
Active Member
Day 63 no PMO
Had another wet dream last night. This is the first time I have ever had this happen 2 nights in a row. Didn't have any erotic dreams this time either, which is good. These dreams used to be super triggering for me because lust would overwhelm me afterwards. Now there isn't really a struggle. I have absolutely no desire to return to my old habits. Life is so much better just 2 months later that it feels unreal. I am going to keep moving forward to something better rather than looking back to where I've been. For me, that means moving towards Jesus Christ.
Had another wet dream last night. This is the first time I have ever had this happen 2 nights in a row. Didn't have any erotic dreams this time either, which is good. These dreams used to be super triggering for me because lust would overwhelm me afterwards. Now there isn't really a struggle. I have absolutely no desire to return to my old habits. Life is so much better just 2 months later that it feels unreal. I am going to keep moving forward to something better rather than looking back to where I've been. For me, that means moving towards Jesus Christ.
nickd247
Member
praise God! You are a new creation brother, no going back to the life of sin and shame!
Brutus
Active Member
For sure! I can definitively say that I have been born again. My rebirth occurred when I gave this addiction to God. I told Him I couldn't overcome with my own power and that I needed Him to save me. After that, there has been no struggle and the recovery process has been so easy. My soul has been healed by God. It was hard to get to this point because it required me to completely submit to God and His plan rather than my own.
Yet I have found that His plan has been so much better than mine ever was.