Brutus
Active Member
Day 64 no PMO
Throughout my addiction, I tried to refrain from pursuing any sort of dating or relationships with women. There were a couple of reasons for this. For one, I didn't trust myself to act out my addiction to lust by indulging in premarital sex. I'm personally opposed to sex outside of marriage as it can lead to raising children in dysfunctional environments. More important is that I personally only want to have sex with someone I am married to. Another reason I didn't date is that I didn't want to inadvertently harm the person I was dating because of my addiction. Many recovery stories I read say that the women in a marriage feel betrayed by their spouse when he views pornography. Many view it as a form of infidelity. I admitted to myself that I couldn't control my addiction. One thing that I could control was how that addiction would affect someone who I was dating or married to. As a result, I waited and tried to sort things out before looking for companionship. I also knew that my addiction wouldn't suddenly disappear once I got married. Addiction is progressive and never satisfied. Just like how one in addiction is never satisfied with just one image of pornography, I would eventually "get tired" of my spouse and return to images on the internet.
Thankfully, I am now in recovery because of my higher power and I feel confident that starting a relationship wouldn't lead to infidelity. I still don't plan on starting one anytime soon since I'll be serving a mission for 2 years but I am excited to start dating after I get back.
Throughout my addiction, I tried to refrain from pursuing any sort of dating or relationships with women. There were a couple of reasons for this. For one, I didn't trust myself to act out my addiction to lust by indulging in premarital sex. I'm personally opposed to sex outside of marriage as it can lead to raising children in dysfunctional environments. More important is that I personally only want to have sex with someone I am married to. Another reason I didn't date is that I didn't want to inadvertently harm the person I was dating because of my addiction. Many recovery stories I read say that the women in a marriage feel betrayed by their spouse when he views pornography. Many view it as a form of infidelity. I admitted to myself that I couldn't control my addiction. One thing that I could control was how that addiction would affect someone who I was dating or married to. As a result, I waited and tried to sort things out before looking for companionship. I also knew that my addiction wouldn't suddenly disappear once I got married. Addiction is progressive and never satisfied. Just like how one in addiction is never satisfied with just one image of pornography, I would eventually "get tired" of my spouse and return to images on the internet.
Thankfully, I am now in recovery because of my higher power and I feel confident that starting a relationship wouldn't lead to infidelity. I still don't plan on starting one anytime soon since I'll be serving a mission for 2 years but I am excited to start dating after I get back.