Following the Light

Brutus

Active Member
Day 96 no PMO

I'm sorry to hear that!
It can happen when we are tired or stressed or even just bored.
But if it's important for you to keep off those habits deffinitly get back on track and avoid it! subtituting it with different things can be vety helpfull.

I've been having some very bad urges this week. When I'm going trhough it, all I can feel is confussion and stress, my mind is jumping around from one place to another, and is very cahotic. I go then to youtube or other subtitues to feel better or to control it.
But when I abstain, this state goes away after only a couple of days, and I return to having a clear mind again.

Maybe is similar for you.
Stay stong!
Boredom and mental fatigue are usually what lead me back to old scrolling habits. I need to stay aware of my mental state.
You're right about abstaining, I definitely feel better the more I avoid cheap dopamine. Time to refocus my efforts. Who knows, watching YouTube might be the first step towards an eventual relapse. Better to stop now and not take that step!
 

Brutus

Active Member
Day 97 no PMO

Well I stopped wasting time on YouTube and went back to playing video games! I think I'm just looking for a dopamine hit anywhere I can find it. Still haven't relapsed or anything but wasting time on video games and social media used to be a big trigger for me. I would waste time, feel bad about myself, get bored and relapse. I haven't felt any strong urges to lapse yet but if I do I'll definitely stop and go exercise or something. The goal is to eventually not play video games anymore but it might take longer to get there than I thought...
 

Androg

Administrator
Admin
Moderator
Anything you can do to spend more time IRL will reduce your anxiety...even though it seems the very opposite of the short-term distraction effects. Are there any hands-on projects you could help with? Hobbies? Exercise? Hiking?
 

Trisquel

Active Member
Day 97 no PMO

Well I stopped wasting time on YouTube and went back to playing video games! I think I'm just looking for a dopamine hit anywhere I can find it. Still haven't relapsed or anything but wasting time on video games and social media used to be a big trigger for me. I would waste time, feel bad about myself, get bored and relapse. I haven't felt any strong urges to lapse yet but if I do I'll definitely stop and go exercise or something. The goal is to eventually not play video games anymore but it might take longer to get there than I thought...
Hey!

I committed to a day of no YouTube today and I failed. Not only that, I also wasted time on Facebook (a social media I don't usually use) and playing chess online (a new form of cheap compulsive dopamine I've judt discovered).

I feel I'm using less and less my phone, but it is one very sticky and nasty habit.
Take your time and allow yourself to figure it out, rewiring cannot be done overnight. Try to find subtitues that help you. For me it us reading when I'm bored, instead of checking social media.

Good luck!
 

Brutus

Active Member
Day 98 no PMO

So after posting last night I spent a few more hours playing video games. I went to bed late and couldn't fall asleep. While tossing and turning, I experienced some major urges to MO. Seems like my brain goes from lesser to greater sources of dopamine or from social media and video games to PMO. Well, it's just not worth it. It looks like I'll need to completely abstain from these things or I might relapse.

I committed to a day of no YouTube today and I failed. Not only that, I also wasted time on Facebook (a social media I don't usually use) and playing chess online (a new form of cheap compulsive dopamine I've judt discovered).
I can really relate to that compulsion to find new sources of dopamine. Man porn has really messed us up. I've experienced a lot of improvement this reboot but dopamine withdrawal is still a struggle sometimes.
 

Brutus

Active Member
Day 99 no PMO

Wow 100 days tomorrow, that sneaked up on me. Doing better today than the past couple days. Spent only about 2 hours gaming and I was able to get other stuff done as well. I'll focus on balancing my time for now.
 

Brutus

Active Member
Day 101 no PMO

My plan now is to play video games only on the weekends. This is when I play with my brother and cousin online since we're busy during the week. This way I can still play games occasionally but it won't affect my productivity during the week.
My urges are really low right now. There's been enough time since my last relapse that I don't think about porn unless I have an unexpected urge. Even when this happens I don't dwell on the old images I still remember. Hopefully I'll forget all of the images I used to look at someday.
My confidence when talking with other people is way higher, probably more than before I started PMO. My life is on an upward trend overall.
 

Brutus

Active Member
Day 102 no PMO

I decided to wake up at 6 AM in order to fix my sleep schedule and to have more time for studying during the day. Ultimately I want to consistently wake up and go to bed at a set time. I find that my mood and emotions are kept in check when I have a good sleep schedule.
 

Brutus

Active Member
Day 103 no PMO

Had an awesome day yesterday, no video games and very little YouTube. I spent 8 hours reading and studying which was an awesome feeling. It felt good to not only use my time productively but to have the mental focus to do so over a period of multiple hours. I'll keep waking up early and spending that time in productive ways. If I keep it up I'll be able to read at least a book every week which has been a goal of mine for sometime.

Right now I'm reading 3 different books:
Man's Search for Meaning by Viktor E. Frankl
Quiet: The Power of Introverts by Susan Cain
The Brothers Karamazov by Fyodor Dostoyevsky
 

Blondie

Respected Member
That looks like great reading material @Brutus. I've read the first and it was good. The second I've seen before but never read, though I've heard good things. Fellow introvert here. And the last, I probably should read sometime!
 

Brutus

Active Member
That looks like great reading material @Brutus. I've read the first and it was good. The second I've seen before but never read, though I've heard good things. Fellow introvert here. And the last, I probably should read sometime!
Thanks Blondie! I would highly recommend Quiet, especially if you're an introvert. I decided to reread it since it's been a few years. I used to be really insecure about my introversion. In high school I would spend my time alone, usually reading or playing video games. I never really wanted to go out to date or meet new people. I used to think that maybe something was wrong with me! All of those insecurities disappeared after I read Quiet though. Yeah, I act differently from almost everyone else I know but there are other people out there who act the exact same way. I fully embrace my introversion now, admiring the strengths I receive from it while also being careful of the pitfalls.
 

Brutus

Active Member
Day 104 no PMO

I Read this yesterday from Man's Search for Meaning; "If there is a meaning in life at all, then there must be a meaning in suffering. Suffering is an ineradicable part of life, even as fate and death. Without suffering and death human life cannot be complete."
Jordan Peterson talks a lot about finding meaning in suffering in order to not become bitter as a result of that suffering. It was hard to view my addiction in this way while struggling through it but I can see the meaning behind it looking back now. I'm interested in psychology and plan on becoming a therapist some day. My experiences overcoming addiction will be invaluable to me in the future as I'll be able to help people who suffer from addiction and I'll know exactly how people going through pornography addiction feel.

Another way my suffering was meaningful is because it's made me more compassionate to those who are struggling around me. I realize now that every person living is struggling with something and some people are barely holding on. The way to help these people is not to judge them because of their struggles. I know firsthand that this only makes things worse, especially if suffering from something as compulsive as addiction.
To really help these people you have to extend understanding and compassion. Someone who has really suffered through something is able to give authentic compassion to others suffering through the same thing.

Finally, the suffering I went through has made me a better disciple of Jesus Christ. He suffered all things for us. To also suffer through something as difficult as addiction makes me more like Jesus Christ, if only in a small way.
 

Brutus

Active Member
Day 105

Man's Search for Meaning has proven to be a really great read, I'm glad I chose to study it. In it, Viktor E Frankl talks about his school of psychotherapy called Logotherapy. It basically makes the claim that the main driving force in humans is their search for meaning in their personal lives. He wrote, "According to Logotherapy, this striving to find a meaning in one's life is the primary motivational force in man. That is why I speak of a will to meaning in contrast to the pleasure principle (or, as we could also term it, the will to pleasure) on which Freudian psychoanalysis is centered, as well as in contrast to the will to power on which Adlerian psychology, using the term 'striving for superiority,' is focused."
I didn't realize it until yesterday but my personal search for meaning is what helped me to overcome this addiction. I was tired of wasting my potential and not moving on with my life. I decided to get inspired in order to move forward. This inspiration could come from anywhere but it had to be good, to help people. The main way I got myself inspired was to spend my time reading critically acclaimed books rather than playing video games. I also chose to fully commit to my religion rather than being wishy washy on the sidelines. Religion isn't everyone's cup of tea but I find it absolutely inspiring because it pushes one towards the ideal in life. Being fully committed to my religion and being inspired is how I find meaning in my life right now. It's easier to say no to pornography because it directly opposes this new life I have chosen to pursue. Stephen Covey puts it this way, "You have to decide what your highest priorities are and have the courage---pleasantly, smilingly, non-apologetically, to say 'no' to other things. And the way you do that is by having a bigger 'yes' burning inside."
I'd argue this is a much better way to live than to chase pleasure or power like Frued and Adler were advocating. Everyone on this website can attest that indiscriminately chasing pleasure actually makes a person absolutely miserable.
 

Brutus

Active Member
Day 106 no PMO

Things are going really well for me right now. It feels like I've gotten to a point where I just need to maintain habits that fulfill my emotional needs in order to keep from relapsing. I'm not constantly struggling with urges anymore. If I stay in a healthy emotional state it seems like this will remain the case.

I was recently able to reach out to old high school friends and mentors that I haven't talked to for years. Recovery has given me the needed confidence to reach out and reconnect with those I used to have a deep relationship with. I've been able to explain some of the things I went through and they were extremely understanding and supportive. I've wanted to reconnect with these friends for a long time but felt too much shame to do so while addicted. Reaching out and talking again has definitely been a win for me socially.
 

Brutus

Active Member
Day 107 no PMO

Had some strong urges while lying in bed last night because I couldn't sleep. I was contemplating M'ing but I quickly realized what was happening and thought about the consequences of PMO. This calmed me down and I thought about other things. It's just not worth it to relapse anymore and this fact helps me to stay sober. This is definite progress as I would just give into temptations like this 3 months ago.
 

swimmer97

Active Member
Day 107 no PMO

Had some strong urges while lying in bed last night because I couldn't sleep. I was contemplating M'ing but I quickly realized what was happening and thought about the consequences of PMO. This calmed me down and I thought about other things. It's just not worth it to relapse anymore and this fact helps me to stay sober. This is definite progress as I would just give into temptations like this 3 months ago.
Good Job on overcoming that urge. I know exactly how tough of a battle this can be. Its insane. Keep killing it
 
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