Starting day 1 with Journaling here. Also looking for an accountability partner.


I relapsed today morning for no apparent reason. It's completely like a jekyll and Hyde situation with me. I feel like I am fine then within a millisecond this beast of an addiction arises and I keep doing the thing that has brought me to ruins. I know it is wrong but still relapse. And it is quite depressing. Some people say this addiction is not real. But then which addiction is? At the end of the day its all on you to quit it. You have to decide at the inner core of yourself that you're done. That it's not good for you. It might feel good. But it's not good for you and your life. It's all about reaching into the innermost depths of your being and be true to yourself.

In my case I'll be honest and tell that I am truly addicted beyond reason. And my efforts to change my habits are quite unfruitful. I am disappointed and alone. I really need an accountability partner Just so that I can motivate them and in turn motivate myself and maybe in the worst of times ask for their help as well.

For obvious reasons I cannot discuss with my family and friends. So I would really be grateful if I can find an AP.

I am really down in the dumps. I don't have any particular reason to live for. Not that I am suicidal. I used to be. But it's just that I don't care much for anything. Which is a sad way to live. But the problem is that whatever I cared for always hurt in some or the other way and in turn I would turn to porn for help. Which is like a paradox. Or a conundrum. I am so lost. And hopeless. And alone.

I am starting my day 1 today. So if anyone is interested please let me know