Schmuck
Active Member
Hi everyone, welcome to my little corner of the web, where I'll be chronicling my attempts at becoming a functional human being. This is actually the 3rd reboot journal that I've created so far while on this journey. The first 2 lasted about 5 months each, and both were followed by a few weeks of a lack of journaling. I wasn't fond of some of the directions that they had taken, for a variety of reasons.
I intend to make this journal a high-quality read, in terms of its helpfulness and cohesiveness and grammar and etc. These standards of mine, coupled with the challenge of thoroughly communicating all of my topical thoughts, can make writing an entry that I'm satisfied with difficult, and thus I often edit my posts several times after making them. I can't let this obstacle get in the way of my motivation to write new entries; writing an imperfect entry is still much more beneficial (to both me and others) than not writing one at all.
There's a lot that I want to say at this early stage of the journal, but I'll start with the most relevant information: the basics of my porn addiction, and some overarching traits of mine.
Overall, I consider my addiction to be less severe than that of the average rebooter. I used to view it as a compulsive behavior rather than an addiction, but my series of relapses that began ~55 days after starting my first journal changed my mind. I haven't viewed anything that was explicitly pornography since October 5th of last year, but I haven't been 100% "clean" during the entirety of this time frame. I've had some instances of viewing porn substitutes, and a bunch of compulsory masturbation sessions that often involve pornographic fantasy. Additionally, there have been more nuanced signs of my reboot shortcomings, like viewing women in too much of a sexual light. So although I've made some progress in this past year, I still have plenty of room to grow.
I'm 22 years old, and I have mild forms of the following: Asperger's, Tourette's, and (more mildly) OCD. I don't shape my identity around having these things, I'm just bringing them up proactively as partial explanations for my actions and thought processes and etc.
I intend to make this journal a high-quality read, in terms of its helpfulness and cohesiveness and grammar and etc. These standards of mine, coupled with the challenge of thoroughly communicating all of my topical thoughts, can make writing an entry that I'm satisfied with difficult, and thus I often edit my posts several times after making them. I can't let this obstacle get in the way of my motivation to write new entries; writing an imperfect entry is still much more beneficial (to both me and others) than not writing one at all.
There's a lot that I want to say at this early stage of the journal, but I'll start with the most relevant information: the basics of my porn addiction, and some overarching traits of mine.
Overall, I consider my addiction to be less severe than that of the average rebooter. I used to view it as a compulsive behavior rather than an addiction, but my series of relapses that began ~55 days after starting my first journal changed my mind. I haven't viewed anything that was explicitly pornography since October 5th of last year, but I haven't been 100% "clean" during the entirety of this time frame. I've had some instances of viewing porn substitutes, and a bunch of compulsory masturbation sessions that often involve pornographic fantasy. Additionally, there have been more nuanced signs of my reboot shortcomings, like viewing women in too much of a sexual light. So although I've made some progress in this past year, I still have plenty of room to grow.
I'm 22 years old, and I have mild forms of the following: Asperger's, Tourette's, and (more mildly) OCD. I don't shape my identity around having these things, I'm just bringing them up proactively as partial explanations for my actions and thought processes and etc.
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