Rediscovering myself

Been about 21 days since my last relapse. I'm feeling really good about me cause social anxiety is going slowly. Today i reunited with some college friends and felt completely different when talking. The ideas that i had were so fluent and i've managed to talk them with such passion that one of my friends told me: dude i wish i could say that with that kind of passion (we are in the same career). Days ago, probably that kind of confidence or enthusiasm would have been meh.

Other thing that has improved is concentration and memory. Studying was easy, analyzing stuff and memorizing data was fast. Last thursday i was studying with some friends and i was able to response to all their doubts about the final test of one assingment. They were astonished with my performance.

Additionaly to that, talking with girls became easier although with some unconfidence still, but i'm not nervous of doing that. I've been talking with a girl for 3 months but this week was really different. It felt that words came up with no effort and everything was smooth. We are going out next saturday cause we are both pretty busy.
I still struggle with eye contact (maybe because i feel that making eye contact makes the other person feel that i'm invading personal space or something and one thing i respect a lot is personal space) but sometimes i've managed to go with it. Last week i was studying and one girl caught my attention, so i looked at her and suddenly she looked at me and we stared at each other for a while. Probably should've talked to her, but i was feeling very unconfident at the time that happened so i'm working that out.

Lastly i feel really energized. I want to do stuff, burn energy. This last week i only had time to do a couple of runs in the treadmill and some weight lifting. But i want more, so next semester i'm going to apply for my college swimming club and enter a gym.

So that's how i feel after 21 days. Wasn't easy, but i got here with commitment and perseverance. It helped a lot to uninstall all social media from phone. Also trying to stay out of home every time it was possible in order to avoid temptation at any cost. Breathing and moving also are a fundamental key when you start to feel the cravings. I used to paralyze every time cravings started and allowed them to get me and drive me to relapse, but this time when they presented i standed up and went directly but calmly to living room or kitchen, prepare a cup of tea and tried to calm down. When cravings appear don't overanalyze just run out of it and don't try to reason with them it only will get things worst. Finally look for something to distract when you don't have anything to do is key: reading, playing with my cat, taking bike rides make a list of movies or series i want to watch, prepare something to eat or going out with my friends helped a lot to erase from mind that you have porn to distract. Good memories are out there waiting for you, don't ditch them for something that doesn't worth remembering.

So that is how is going so far. I'm looking forward to reach day 30 and beyond, can't wait to see next changes. Wish you success to all of you this week :D