Just an ordinary addict.
- Thread starter Ren
- Start date
achilles heel
Respected Member
Blondie
Respected Member
Hey, @Ren, I'm sorry to hear about this. I remember back in the day in my 20s, I would be absolutely sure I was "officially done forever" and then within three days I was back to it again. My heart was right. However, eventually three days seems like nothing, and then you go on to the next milestone, and then the next, with each becoming easier and easier. There's a real need to love yourself and figure out what brings you back to it. Is it anxiety? stress? or just the habit itself that needs to be replaced with something else? These are all great questions to ask yourself. So much of this journey is really figuring out what makes you tick and how can you go through a day without veering into unwanted territory. It's very easy to be focused on Not Looking At Porn, however, when you stop to think about it, the real question is, why are you even looking at it? If you focus more on the reasons than "fighting" the end result (porn), you might find the road becomes easier.
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Ren
Active Member
Well man
There are just so many layers to it
But I feel lazy to write about it. Thanks for the comment, I'll see what I figure. Those questions I have the answer for.
Ren
Active Member
I broke up with the girl I thought I was going to marry.
Thus, I'll allow myself to whatever soothes my pain.
Tried to avoid this, in the end... It ended.
So yeah, alone and having to deal with this somehow.
This is closest I've got to marriage so far.
And now it's over, and all the memories are only inside my head, because looking at them hurts for something that used to be so real.
So...
Whatever soothes my pain is welcome now. Good thing I'm not into drugs and cannot get drunk.
Thus, I'll allow myself to whatever soothes my pain.
Tried to avoid this, in the end... It ended.
So yeah, alone and having to deal with this somehow.
This is closest I've got to marriage so far.
And now it's over, and all the memories are only inside my head, because looking at them hurts for something that used to be so real.
So...
Whatever soothes my pain is welcome now. Good thing I'm not into drugs and cannot get drunk.
Oh man I'm very sorry to hear that... I feel you. I've just gone through the same exact thing just recently. Hang in there man cause there is a life worth living after the storm. Im feeling better myself now and you will too at some point. But yeah, this kind of stuff always sucks. Just allow yourself to feel shitty for a while and let the grieving emotions do their thing. If you distract yourself from it its also fine, just get back to feeling the pain when you can and you will have a breakthrough at some point. Good luck
Ren
Active Member
I don't know any other pain that can be worse than this one.Oh man I'm very sorry to hear that... I feel you. I've just gone through the same exact thing just recently. Hang in there man cause there is a life worth living after the storm. Im feeling better myself now and you will too at some point. But yeah, this kind of stuff always sucks. Just allow yourself to feel shitty for a while and let the grieving emotions do their thing. If you distract yourself from it its also fine, just get back to feeling the pain when you can and you will have a breakthrough at some point. Good luck
Ren
Active Member
I will, buddy. SomedayI hope you are gonna feel better soon man! Just go back to nofap and try to not desociate too much. You will feel way better soon after you grieve everything and you will grow stronger from it! Just let the feelings be and don't beat yourself up
But first, I need to care about something again.
And now, I don't.
But it'll be okay. We have all time of the world, ain't it?
Thanks for the encouragement.
Ren
Active Member
26 days. No contact. Pain. Especially in the morning. Sometimes it feels like it's going to kill me.
Porn, and anything related to sex, numbs it so freaking well. Almost like a medicine. But I'd call it just very good anesthesia.
I'm engaging in a major project. It'll definitely help my career, and it's very important.
Now this girl WAS it. And she's no longer a part of my life. And I am here, trying to redefine my plans.
I will work on my career. But in the midst of this, now I am reflecting about quitting again.
I don't know anymore. I know quitting is better for me, but I wasn't quitting just for the sake of it.
I was quitting because I wanted to improve myself. Because I had plans.
Now I am stuck here thinking about what will I do about it, because even if that I know it's the best for me in the long term, it numbs my pain so well that I have started to like it. It helps me cope. It gives me relief. Huge relief. Almost like the pain is not there, eating up the deepest of my being.
Future is uncertain, but I'll probably be unable to keep this bad habit when I engage on it. Won't have any opportunity to, maybe am even able to actually quit it.
But I don't know anymore.
I'll have to figure. Something. Anything.
Wish me luck.
Porn, and anything related to sex, numbs it so freaking well. Almost like a medicine. But I'd call it just very good anesthesia.
I'm engaging in a major project. It'll definitely help my career, and it's very important.
Now this girl WAS it. And she's no longer a part of my life. And I am here, trying to redefine my plans.
I will work on my career. But in the midst of this, now I am reflecting about quitting again.
I don't know anymore. I know quitting is better for me, but I wasn't quitting just for the sake of it.
I was quitting because I wanted to improve myself. Because I had plans.
Now I am stuck here thinking about what will I do about it, because even if that I know it's the best for me in the long term, it numbs my pain so well that I have started to like it. It helps me cope. It gives me relief. Huge relief. Almost like the pain is not there, eating up the deepest of my being.
Future is uncertain, but I'll probably be unable to keep this bad habit when I engage on it. Won't have any opportunity to, maybe am even able to actually quit it.
But I don't know anymore.
I'll have to figure. Something. Anything.
Wish me luck.