The Road back to Good Times - Restoring Back to Factory Resets

Aryan

Member
Hi all,


My name is Aryan (Pen Name). I am really excited about joining this community.

I got to know about this wonderful community while listening to the summary of this book, "Your Book on Porn". After reading a few posts, I found there are a good number of people like me with the same issues and common causes for these issues, so I joined the community.

I am in my mid-thirties and I am from India. I was an introverted kid for whom his PC/Laptop was always a dear friend. I've been watching porn and fapping for the last two decades, since the days when we had to go to cyber cafes to use a dial-up connection to access the Internet.What I have gained from watching porn, reading erotic stories and thinking about all my fantasies is something I am writing about in this post.

Watching porn had completely brainwashed my brain. I gained a lot of guilt. I've lost interest in the simple girls next door, and I'm always on the lookout for tall, beautiful, sexy women who can only be found in porn videos. Especially the evil one’s in the BDSM clips.

I lost my focus on life. If I don't get enough dopamine, I become anxious, and if I don't watch porn or fantasise about my fantasies (foot fetish and BDSM fantasies like submission) and Fap, I have trouble sleeping.

After a few years of watching porn, I realised I got porn-induced ED. My foot fantasy became so big that all other beautiful things in life lost their value. I work as an online marketing professional and used to love my work, but I feel extremely distracted because my fantasies are always running through my head.

I come from a very conservative society where it is really hard to get sex and fulfilling your foot fetish or bdsm fantasies is almost impossible. You can only do it when you are on foreign land. I've only fulfilled it 5-6 times in my entire life, and I've discovered that even with professionals, penetration is a difficult task... my only option was to watch more and more porn and fap.

I tried my first NoFap last week but was only able to do it for 4 days. I'll start it again today; I can keep myself away from watching Porn, but my biggest problem is stopping my mind from fantasising and sleeping without fapping. If anyone has the same issue and a solution for the same, please do guide me. I am here searching for motivation and an accountability partner.

I've never joined a forum like this before, so hopefully this will help me to stay the course and help me get rid of my addiction. I look forward to meeting like-minded people who are also having similar struggles and are looking to get rid of this addiction.
 

Aryan

Member
Day 1 was always difficult. The good thing is that I managed it without PMO. My temptations were really high at night before going to sleep, and my mind was continuously full of exotic thoughts. I first went for a walk after dinner, and instead of watching porn, feeds on Insta or Facebook, I ended the day watching some YouTube videos.
 

Aryan

Member
Day 2 was again difficult the temptations and thoughts to masturbate were very high at Night.. Feeling little depressed because there was No Dopamine . Good thing is that i still managed 2nd day successfully w/o PMO. Lets see for how many more days can i stretch my will power...
 

Aryan

Member
Finally 3 days without PMO. Good to see my willpower working at its Best. My Best till date was 4 days. Will be trying to beat that.
 

Aryan

Member
Day 4 without PMO. Luckily, the temptations on Day 4 were a little less as compared to Day 3, although the mind was still craving for PMO.

I am so happy. I am finally doing it. I wish I had discovered this motivation and NoFap guiding principles and this motivational forum a few years ago because my life could have been so different. Anyway, as they say, everything in life has its own time. I just wish I could continue without falling prey to temptations again...
 

Aryan

Member
Day 5: No PMO. This is my biggest streak till date. I feel the mind is becoming more and more calmer over the course of these temptations.


It's the start of the weekend, and I find the weekend the most difficult because you certainly need something to do on the weekend, and for me, PMO used to be a big time killer on the weekend. This time I am planning to do something productive to keep myself away from PMO.


-Like de-cluttering my room.

-Will be doing meditations

-Will do some cycling.

-Will read or listen to some good books.

-Will read more through this forum.
 

Aryan

Member
Thanks, @OrangeSpider .. I hope I can play it smarter than my mind.


[ Day 6 ]


What's Working


  • There is an ongoing battle between willpower and the mind.In these 6 days, what I observed is that quitting porn was not very difficult. You just have to keep your laptop closed at the times when you are most vulnerable and delete social media apps like Instagram, Facebook, etc. to get fewer and fewer cues to trigger the habit of PMO. If you have a plan to keep yourself occupied with something, it will work.


What's Not Working


  • What is more dangerous than the Porn Hub is your mind. I believe this is especially when you have a foot fetish about which you can't talk openly to your friends and family. It reaches deep down in your head and attacks you the worst when you are vulnerable.
  • Although there is NO PMO from the last 6 days and it's my longest streak, the mind is hitting back and creating all types of scenes with my fantasies.
  • There is a very strong urge to FAP to all these foot fantasies, and it is becoming very difficult to concentrate on a single thing.
  • I don't know how to fix it and I just pray to God to give me more strength. I don't want to start the vicious cycle again.
 

Aryan

Member
[ Day 7 ] - The first Milestone

It was Sunday, the most difficult day of the week. The temptations were again very high, but the good thing was that I was prepared in advance to keep myself occupied. Additionally, I read this super blog named Flying Eagle (https://flying-eagle-method.org/). It is certainly one of the best resources for people who are looking to quit PMO.

Finally, I reached my first milestone of one week without PMO. What I realised in these 7 days is that what I had been doing for years was something out of complete ignorance and it was self-destructive.

There are many other natural ways of getting dopamine and enjoy natural Highs of life. Here are few ways to get dopamine Naturally..

-Eating foods rich in potassium like bananas and spinach
-Exercise or move your body.
-Get some sun
-Go outdoors, like cycling
-Less processed food and a cut down on processed sugar.
-Take probiotics
-Get a massage or enjoy some physical touch...
-Listen to music or stories you enjoy...
-Take cold showers
-Do what you enjoy, enter the state of flow..
-Meditate
-Make a list of tasks and complete them.
-Get quality sleep
 

Aryan

Member
[Daily 8]


It was a busy day at work. The mind is quite calm now and temptations are also low. Thankfully, it was not a difficult day. For the daily dose of dopamine, : I tried a cold shower in the morning.


One of the best things about quitting porn and Instagram is that you also free up a lot of time. I was just calculating if, on average, one spends 2-3 hours on porn and social media in a day. You are spending almost 900 hours every year, i.e. around 38 days (sleep time excluded).


Instead of porn and Instagram at night, nowadays I watch Netflix and YouTube. Yesterday I watched an interesting series named "How to Make Sex Rooms." It had some small BDSM scenes, but I was able to keep my mind away from temptations to Fap.


I believe the willpower will strengthen with each passing day.
 

Aryan

Member
[Day 9]

A busy day Temptations for PMO were high at night and in the morning, but they were successfully resisted by willpower.
I tried meditation and pranayam (breath exercises) to calm the mind.
 

Aryan

Member
[ Day 10 ]


It was again a difficult night yesterday. I can feel the brain fog. The temptations and urges were again high. The good thing is that I can see through my mind and was not giving up to the cues. I know fapping is not an option anymore. I was having difficulty sleeping, so I switched on some podcasts and started listening to them till I fell asleep. Finally, the 10-day milestone was reached.


I'm looking forward to reaching the next milestone. Let's see how far I can go.


10, 20, 30, 40, 50, 100..
 

Aryan

Member
[ Day- 11, 12, 13, 14 ]


For the very first time in my life, I am going to touch 15 without PMO. With each passing day, the new habit of resisting PMO is getting stronger.


Here are a few positive changes I have witnessed.


- My willpower is getting stronger and it's uplifting by self-esteem and confidence. On the weekend, one of my female friends, whose beautiful feet I always admire, sent me photos of her feet and legs.My mind was totally in the temptation mood to Fap, but with will power I was able to successfully resist it.


-By quitting porn and social media, I am saving at-least 2 hours a day, which earlier was a total time waste. Now I can put this time to better use.


- Just like time, energy is also a finite resource. I am now able to save on energy too, that was earlier spent on all kinds of distractions.
 

Aryan

Member
Finally, I completed my 15 days. Things are getting better day by day. It's kind of a routine now. The next step is to get it out of your head, imagination, and clear the brain fog.


Here is the game plan.


-Get some new habits and show up for them. - Start with atomic habits, such as 2 minute meditations, 5 minute runs, or 2-3 pushups.

- Read some good books to keep the motivation level up.

-Leave your bed or couch, where you have maximum temptations, brain fog.

- Put your plans into action!

-Don’t think much about results; just do things without expectations. This way, you will think less.
 
Congrats on 15 days! the building new habits was the piece i failed to include many times over my last 4 years of struggles. I began including them recently and they have been the driving force behind my current 30 day & growing streak (day 30 today free of PMO). For example i have been consistently going to the gym and lifting weights every other day for 1 hr without failure to miss a day.
 

Aryan

Member
Congrats on 15 days! the building new habits was the piece i failed to include many times over my last 4 years of struggles. I began including them recently and they have been the driving force behind my current 30 day & growing streak (day 30 today free of PMO). For example i have been consistently going to the gym and lifting weights every other day for 1 hr without failure to miss a day.
Thanks @WinkTinkTillium. Congratulations to you too. I too realised this year only that motivation is always temporary, and it's the habits that give you actual results. In the last 15-20 days, I have been successful in replacing some of the bad habits like porn and Instagram with positive ones like meditation, breathing exercises, and walking.

I was fortunate to come across this great book called "Atomic Habits," which has given me a complete paradigm shift in the way I think and a framework to form new habits.

What I learnt is that for making good habits, there are four laws.
  1. Make it super easy and obvious. eg start with a 2 minute exercise.
  2. Make it attractive.
  3. Make it satisfying.

And vice versa for breaking bad habits.
  1. Make it invisible
  2. Make it unattractive.
  3. Make it difficult.
  4. Make it unsatisfying.
 

Aryan

Member
[ Day 16-17-18-19 ]

After 15 days of no PMO, what I was really struggling with was the mind sex, the vasana (sex urges) that were still strong in the mind. I spent the weekend researching our Vasana (sexual desire), and here are some of the interesting facts I read and listened to.


Memo to Self:

1. You don't have to fight it. It's a God gift. It's the reason we are all here. It is an enormous energy that has to be transformed. We have to understand this energy to transform it for our greater good.

2. We lose an enormous amount of energy thinking about sex, either in the past or future opportunities or just our wide imagination far away from reality, and by doing this we completely lose track of the present. We also completely forget that we are destroying an enormous amount of mental energy.

3. When we are not living in the present, the amount of stress increases significantly. More stress means you need more Porn / More sex.

4.The more mental energy you have, the greater your potential to grow as a human being. The more you waste it , your potential to waste your life increases in the same manner.

5. The more you engage in mental sex, the less satisfied you will be with real sex.

6. The mind is the intellectual centre of the body and not the sex center. We have to use it in that way, not the other way around.


Solutions : Be more Mindful, have a plan for spending your energy, get going on some good Habits, do things where you are in Present Moment ( eg. Playing Games ), Do Meditation and watch your Thoughts.
 
I too realised this year only that motivation is always temporary, and it's the habits that give you actual results. In the last 15-20 days, I have been successful in replacing some of the bad habits like porn and Instagram with positive ones like meditation, breathing exercises, and walking.

I was fortunate to come across this great book called "Atomic Habits," which has given me a complete paradigm shift in the way I think and a framework to form new habits.

What I learnt is that for making good habits, there are four laws.
  1. Make it super easy and obvious. eg start with a 2 minute exercise.
  2. Make it attractive.
  3. Make it satisfying.

And vice versa for breaking bad habits.
  1. Make it invisible
  2. Make it unattractive.
  3. Make it difficult.
  4. Make it unsatisfying.
@Aryan This is awesome, i now have a new book to dive in. The example 2 minute exercise you chose is more spot on than many people think and it holds so much truth for me. it all started with a 10 minute walk on lunch break, turned into 15 20 and now the current 30 minutes eat, 30 minutes walk every lunch break at work. That morphed into starting at the gym, incorporating eating healthy, into oh wow i can actually do these difficult things time to say good bye forever to the P & possible the M as well (that answer will come way down the road lol)

I havent thought of incorporating meditation, if you dont mind me asking what has it been accomplishing or helping with? do you focus on a question or focus on the quiet etc?

Same question for the breathing exercises, what benefits are you seeing?
 
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