Done with this shit.

G

ghandalf55

Member
Hi,

Im a 37 year old hetero male and have struggled on and off with porn since I was about 12. I think one of my components has been genetics, but Im not sure. I have always been the kind of dude that is horny as hell. In my younger age I could masturbate up to 9 times a day... yes I even counted once.

Since 10 years ago, my addiction to porn has been getting worse. Like many others that I see, it started with vanilla playboy like pictures, then went to full porn movies and since porn started to be available all the time online for free it opened a world of new stuff to me. I would go into different rabbit holes: bj, then facials, then anal... even gay, trans, sissy, crossdressing, which is not really my natural tendency. Currently I have been really stuck with femdom.

Femdom particularly resonates with that defeatist and selfdoubt mind that I think comes back from mommy issues.... I think that is the root of the problem. I can't expect to have woman in my life degrading me and then pretend that my mindset is positive and that all is cool and it's just games. Yeah, its just games until it isnt and your life actually sucks... I also realized that the porn industry is terrible and that actually this woman are depending on "losers" like me to make their living and that in itself is either pathetic or an incredible selfless act from their part . I feel bad for them and all the man or women life that they have destroyed.

My sexual life has suffered also because of this addiction and my wife just doesn't want to have sex with me anymore. I have problems lasting too long to finish and she just have gotten tired of sex all together because of that and other issues that she has. She has seen that I watch femdom porn but we just brush the subject and I don't think she knows to what extend it affects me.

I'm ready to get going and do this, but even now as I write this, I still feel a demonic mind inside me thinking about the next video im gonna watch. It makes me very anxious and hopeless, but fuck COME ON ! I'm stronger than this !


Thanks for reading and please don't hesitate to give me your opinion and support.
 
Onmyway19

Onmyway19

Active Member
You did a brave thing coming here and opening up. Many of us have a similar story to yours and have come out the other side with a lot of hope. It's an arduous journey but worth every step.
Use the resources available here and keep fighting!
 
Simon2

Simon2

Well-Known Member
Post regularly here. For me it makes a big difference. I come here whenever I think about looking at P now. There's also a forum just to post about finding an accountability partner. I'd suggest you look there to see if there's a match with someone. :)

and welcome! Only good things can come from getting on this journey! But it's not an easy one. Stay strong!
 
podvig

podvig

Member
ghandalf55 said:
Hi,

Im looking also for accountability partner.

Thanks,
Click to expand...

I can be your accountability partner? Happy to do so.

Although I did accept someone a couple weeks ago but they haven't been online since so I'd be happy to take on extra, they might not come back.

If you do read through my thread, sorry for the waffle it does go on a bit much, I could have simplified it but the anxiety from all the PMO led to this pedantic frenzy of writing. I've since restarted my initial challenge, so I'm on Day #2 right now. Similar to you.

We can do this! These first few days of quitting are the toughest, I find. Once we get on a streak, the momentum builds and we regain positivity.
 
G

ghandalf55

Member
podvig said:
I can be your accountability partner? Happy to do so.

Although I did accept someone a couple weeks ago but they haven't been online since so I'd be happy to take on extra, they might not come back.

If you do read through my thread, sorry for the waffle it does go on a bit much, I could have simplified it but the anxiety from all the PMO led to this pedantic frenzy of writing. I've since restarted my initial challenge, so I'm on Day #2 right now. Similar to you.

We can do this! These first few days of quitting are the toughest, I find. Once we get on a streak, the momentum builds and we regain positivity.
Click to expand...
Yeah let's go!! thanks much appreciated. gonna read your post right now.
 
G

ghandalf55

Member
SimonM said:
Post regularly here. For me it makes a big difference. I come here whenever I think about looking at P now. There's also a forum just to post about finding an accountability partner. I'd suggest you look there to see if there's a match with someone. :)

and welcome! Only good things can come from getting on this journey! But it's not an easy one. Stay strong!
Click to expand...
Thanks. coming here instead of watching p is what I just did! thanks for your kind words
 
podvig

podvig

Member
ghandalf55 said:
Back in here, day 4 of this:

I find that every-time I have alone time at home I think about p. Gotta keep super busy not to fall in the trap.

Appart:
Anyone can share how they track progress?
Click to expand...

We have to establish new positive "addictions" or fruitful habits that aid our growth rather than bring us back into the PMO dungeon.

In terms of tracking progress, I just found an excellent spreadsheet to keep track of reboot:

docs.google.com

PMO Spreadsheet

docs.google.com docs.google.com

Most people keep counters (Day 1... day 78... day 3 again... etc.) but a spreadsheet is far better for motivation and inspiration.

I found it in this post:

yourbrainrebalanced.com

My Thoughts On Rebooting [EXTREMELY LONG POST]

It's been a while since I made a thread like this. I've learned quite a few things in the last few months. So I'm going to share them with you guys....
yourbrainrebalanced.com yourbrainrebalanced.com

It also encourages you to put it in your signature and make it a publicly available document so you can have others check on your progress, for extra accountability :)

You can see mine as an example, i just set it up this evening ( he recommends to use Google Docs but i dont trust Google in the slightest for anything, if there's an alternative i'll use it, hence why i'm using OnlyOffice).

Also came across this, linked in that post from above:


I think it is what inspired the post above to recommend doing a life vision, which is what I have just done over on my thread-journal. It looks really extensive, depends on what you gain the most value from but check it out if you have some time and see if it suits your style of reboot and recovery.

Hope this helps.
 
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Warhawk

Warhawk

Active Member
Hang in there man! These forums have lots of great inspiration, and we all have the same goal in mind of getting this monkey off our back. Keep posting here, and you'll have a good place to keep track of your progress, while also finding encouragement from others in your shoes.
 
G

ghandalf55

Member
Day 5 : Fuck this is tough. The hate I had for porn a few days ago is somewhat turning into lust. This is the fucking devil! HEEELP. I realized that I had plans to go away for the weekend so I was using that as a way to keep not thinking about p, but just found out that now I have all this sudden free time and of course whats the first reflex: Hey how about you look for some p??. Fucking hell
 
SmokenMirrors

SmokenMirrors

Well-Known Member
ghandalf55 said:
Day 5 : Fuck this is tough. The hate I had for porn a few days ago is somewhat turning into lust. This is the fucking devil! HEEELP. I realized that I had plans to go away for the weekend so I was using that as a way to keep not thinking about p, but just found out that now I have all this sudden free time and of course whats the first reflex: Hey how about you look for some p??. Fucking hell
Click to expand...
How's your weekend gone? Did you push through?
 
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