My journey to be better

My English isn’t good

Day 4


I want to start this because all my past 15 years were an addiction and i feel bad about myself, low self-esteem and also got rejected.
I already started for 2 week but got relapsed 1 time.
After all the readings, now im full of hopes. I want to feel confidence and be better.
Any advice would be appreciated, thanks.
 

SalientY

New Member
You are worth it man. You have the strength in you. If I do, you sure as hell do. Think about how much happier you would be if you weren't shackled to this cancerous material.

You deserve a better life and you are the only one who can give yourself that life. No one else can. But I know you have it in you to change. We all do.
 
Day 21-22

As everyone has said, I feel a difference after 38 days with only one relapse (a 22-day streak)(watching P a few times but no MO) . No more shame, more self-esteem, and sex feels so much better. There is no longer any ED.

My job is good, my exercise goes well, and life feels better.

My goal is to continue this for 9 months. I need to eliminate the cues, but I'm having a hard time removing my P from the hard drive. It still feels like my life is in there.

Let's see if I continue the journey, maybe I can do it.
 
Day 30-31

Day 30 was the worst; the urge to PMO kept coming like a wave, and it got stronger with each wave. I almost failed. It feels like PMO is the best thing to do. My brain is telling me you do it well enough and just reward yourself. I did the meditation and observed the urge as it grew and died.

Day 31 was better; the craving seemed to have decreased.

I read the other journals and found that many have flatline symptoms, but I never had one. Am I missing anything?
 
Glad to hear you pushed past the urges and that day 31 was better! Day 30 and Day 31 very impressive, you've got this!

So flatlines i find are very strange. Sometimes i dont even know i am in one versus not in one. Emotional Flat Lines where the person feels numb, depressed, dead are very noticeable and i went through that the first 3 weeks on my current streak. However as an example my current flat line is a downstairs flat line only. My mood is great no issues there but still the downstairs department is still in a coma of recovery no reactive behaviors besides morning wood instances. But i have had 2 or 3 day stretches of no flat line symptoms at all, followed by going back into my current type of flat line. I also believe that flatlines are due to the extent of the damage caused by MO to P and since that involves so many personal nuances the impact of it can vary greatly person to person. all in all a very strange beast

So if you reflect on day 30 do you think anything caused the urges you had to fight? stressful day? negative emotions? anything out of the ordinary to trigger you? or any commonalities between other behaviors over the last little while, for example quick to anger/hot headed, more emotional etc. as i mentioned above Flat lines come in all shapes and sizes. Hope this helps
 
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