My name is Rafael and I am 30 years old.
I've been addicted to porn since I was 16. There was a period of around two years and a half, from ages 23 to 25, when I managed to temporarily quit this addiction, but then I fell back into the porn trap cycle.
At this moment, I don't feel particularly in the mood to write a lot about myself, but I'll probably come back later to write more in detail.
For now, I can disclose this: I've recently been accepted into a PhD course, and I intend on striving for an academic career. Sounds good, right? I should be proud of myself, right?
Then why do I f*cking hate myself so much?
Why can't I stand to look at my own reflection when I stare in the mirror? Why do I feel like a complete failure, nonetheless? Why do I have suicidal thoughts every single day, without exception, to the point where it has become normal to wrestle with those urges on a daily basis?
At 30 years old, my sexual experience is almost non-existent. I still live at my parents' house. I can't even keep a steady job for more than a few months. When I was a kid, I thought that by this time I would be strong enough to get a beautiful wife, maybe kids, and a meaningful career.
Yet, I can't even summon the strength to get a girlfriend. I feel like a pathetic little man.
My social anxiety and awkwardness are so bad that sometimes I feel like I can't even interact with people on a basic level. I get instinctively hooked on the wrong types of girls who do not appreciate my value and only demean me, which contributes to worsening my self-esteem, instead of giving attention to those who have slipped by through my life and actually genuinely cared about me.
Porn is a major catalyst contributing to all of these problems. It is not the only one, though, and I will probably write more details later. I have several traumas from my past and a history of struggling with depression and anxiety that predated my porn use. But I guess this is what you need to know about me for now.
See you soon.
I've been addicted to porn since I was 16. There was a period of around two years and a half, from ages 23 to 25, when I managed to temporarily quit this addiction, but then I fell back into the porn trap cycle.
At this moment, I don't feel particularly in the mood to write a lot about myself, but I'll probably come back later to write more in detail.
For now, I can disclose this: I've recently been accepted into a PhD course, and I intend on striving for an academic career. Sounds good, right? I should be proud of myself, right?
Then why do I f*cking hate myself so much?
Why can't I stand to look at my own reflection when I stare in the mirror? Why do I feel like a complete failure, nonetheless? Why do I have suicidal thoughts every single day, without exception, to the point where it has become normal to wrestle with those urges on a daily basis?
At 30 years old, my sexual experience is almost non-existent. I still live at my parents' house. I can't even keep a steady job for more than a few months. When I was a kid, I thought that by this time I would be strong enough to get a beautiful wife, maybe kids, and a meaningful career.
Yet, I can't even summon the strength to get a girlfriend. I feel like a pathetic little man.
My social anxiety and awkwardness are so bad that sometimes I feel like I can't even interact with people on a basic level. I get instinctively hooked on the wrong types of girls who do not appreciate my value and only demean me, which contributes to worsening my self-esteem, instead of giving attention to those who have slipped by through my life and actually genuinely cared about me.
Porn is a major catalyst contributing to all of these problems. It is not the only one, though, and I will probably write more details later. I have several traumas from my past and a history of struggling with depression and anxiety that predated my porn use. But I guess this is what you need to know about me for now.
See you soon.