For my unborn

[searching4good]

Hey G, just wanted to say that 2weeks+ is some going. How have you been since Thursday?

I am so sorry to hear the news about the divorce, I haven't been through that myself so I'm not going to say I understand how it feels. I can't imagine the hurt and sorrow, but who's to say that if you keep putting in the work now, keep plugging away at yourself and the factors that brought you to P, that in a year's time you won't be in a better place than you were a year previous to now.

Things definitely don't always happen for the best, but you can make the best of the situation - Regardless of how the divorce may or may not play out, and regardless of who else is in your life. We just don't know what's ahead of us, but I am in absolutely no doubt that better things will happen for all of us the longer we keep fighting this fight.

thinking of you and looking forward to reading your next post mate.

 

[G.123]

Hey G, just wanted to say that 2weeks+ is some going. How have you been since Thursday?

Hey man, thank you for the message, really appreciate the support. Sorry for the late reply, I've been trying to keep myself busy so not been on here for a few days. You are spot on that we need to keep striving for self improvement, I've felt down and weak these last few days but I keep telling myself that I cannot give in. You have given me an extra push in motivation as you are right that in a years time I want to be in a better place than I am now, whatever form that may take. Good advice for us all that better things will come through self improvement and any PMO is only going to set us back. I'm not giving in no matter how weak and down I feel right now

 

[G.123]

Day 24. Hard to believe I have got to 24 days with no O, MO, PMO, nothing! I thought I had entered the flat line but definetly haven't as spent a fair amount of time recently looking at instagram pics and even scrolling through an escort site, no intention of using an escort but was clearly just giving myself the excuse that it isnt porn but enables me to look at images. So I keep blocking instagram and unblocking but I am blocking again and want to stay off for a week. Have also enabled safe search on my phone to block any sort of site like an escort site. I know I can easily reactivate but I think just giving myself that extra blocker so that I know when I unblock safe mode I know exactly what I am doing and will hopefully ask myself is it really worth doing that. I am hoping that if I can get away from images all together I can get to some sort of flatline, ride that out and then come out the other side a rejuvenated man! So I have a plan, just need to execute it!!

 

[PrometheusUnbound]

Social media is a difficult one, I have found it useful so far to categorise it in my head as a (mild) form of porn that I have to stay away from (for now at least), and for me that also applies to ogling in any form.

Well done on 24 days!!!

 

[searching4good]

Hey @G.123 - just wanted to check in to see how it was all going. Sorry I've been a bit absent recently - has not been the smoothest few days for me! But I'm so chuffed to hear you made it to 24 days. That's genuinely incredible.

Hoping you're doing ok and thinking of you either way.

 

[searching4good]

Hey @G.123 - hope you're doing ok mate. Just wanted to say I've been thinking of you and regardless of how you've been doing the last week or so, am hoping you're being kind to yourself.

Speak soon pal.

 

[G.123]

Not been on here for a while. Interesting to read how far I got previously with like a month off of it. But last few months I have let myself go. It was my 36th birthday on 12th January so using that as day 1. Need to grow up and get a life! My wife moves out at the end of the month so this year has to be about new beginnings for me and finally sorting my shit out. My life goal is a loving relationship and a family of my own and I cannot forego that for short term dopamine kicks! So here we go trying to quit this shit again…

 

[G.123]

Day 5. I have downloaded an app called ‘I am sober’ which I am finding useful to keep tracking progress. Feeling good so far but I know I have gone a lot longer than this only to fail so got to keep going this time. Just keep telling myself that I’m 36 year’s old, getting divorced and my life feels pathetic. I can mope around feeling sorry for myself and watch porn or I can pick myself up, get fucking angry and determined to change for the better. So I choose to be better

 

[Daybyday1988]

I’m 36 year’s old, getting divorced and my life feels pathetic

Hey bro, im 34 so right around your age. Your ex wife unfortunately like most modern women abdicated her responsibility toward you her husband. Pretty common due to the fact that for decades the mainstream thought has been polluted by disney fantasy like nonsense where the marriage is supposed to be happiness and emotional grandeur at all times or else "it wasn't meant to be" or he wasnt "the one". Most modern women are disgustingly selfish and entitled and have an inflated sense of what they are worth.

Sorry you had to go through that. Just got married myself about a year ago to a serious Christian, as am I. we talked long and often about her submitting to me, and allowing me to be the man of the house, to provide for us and let me make the decisions. she will be cooking and cleaning and taking care of things in the home and she is now weeks away from the birth of our first child. If i did not meet someone like that, there is no chance i would ever get "married". I use the quotation marks because the world's idea of that institution is utter nonsense like i described earlier.

My life goal is a loving relationship and a family of my own and I cannot forego that for short term dopamine kicks!

thats right man. You want this issue a mile away from your family. It's time to regain your masculinity that has been stolen away from you by this addiction.

after over a decade of battling this issue myself, my advice would be to get a blocking software that allows you to have accountability to a real person you know or meet on here in order to completely eliminate PMO and stay away from related fantasies. It is good that you see the usefulness of a blocking app because It is very difficult to resist urges that come from addiction related brain changes like P addiction, primarily due to the deficiency in the prefrontal cortex (the part of the brain responsible for self control). once you get a good streak of abstinence, this part of the brain recovers a bit and resisting the urges becomes easier. This is why you guys are constantly failing, the PFC is too weak at the moment. It takes time for the PFC to recover before you are even able to say “no” at all so removing even the option of PMO becomes very important, hence the blocking software. I use Covenant Eyes, details in my signature.

Im almost 90 days clean, which is the longest by far i have ever gone PMO free since becoming addicted over a decade ago. The key is you need to be accountable. I have a great accountability partner and we can see each others search history every day. This forces you to change your behavior and avoid PMO.

reach out to me in a private message if you want. look forward to reading your posts more. peace

-DbD

 

[G.123]

It’s been 18 months since I joined this forum. Has been interesting to read back over my posts, but also kind of depressing to think that my life hasn’t moved forward as much as old me thought it might have. So I turned 37 last week, my divorce has gone through and I got made redundant 6 months ago. I have had an amazing 5 months away travelling which has really helped me grow as a person. But the reality now I am back is I am 37, divorced, unemployed, living at my parents and from recent experience still unable to have sex without using viagra! So not a great CV to put on my dating profile right now!!

But on the plus side, today is day 20 of monk mode, no O, PMO nothing. And from reading back on old posts I struggled so much more to get to this point last time. I feel so strong and mentally clear now, I feel like I can finally do this. I did a lot of gym while I was away travelling so I am fit and healthy physically and my old posts have just taught me that my relapses would often coincide with me going out drinking and sniffing cocaine. Well I am also day 20 of no alcohol or drugs and I figure I’m going to keep that up too. Even started praying every night and went to church last Sunday, I wouldn’t even say I’m religious but, and this probably sounds ridiculous, on 1st January when feeling like shit having partied all night I couldn’t find my car keys anywhere, I mean I had turned my room upside down, so I cried and I prayed to God that if I find them I will block porn off my phone and really commit to being a better person, then I looked again and found my car keys within like 5 minutes! Anyway, not saying I’m a born again Christen from this one experience but I’m a man of my word so I’ve been saying a prayer every night to update on my progress and honestly I cannot believe how easy it feels this time!

I know new year new me is cheesy but I wanted to write this post as a marker to read if I feel weak and like quitting over the coming days and weeks. 2024 is the year I finally do this and I want to write a post again at the end of the year that finally contains some positive news in my life. By then I want a job, my own place, a loving relationship with a healthy sex life. It is never too late to sort things out and attain the life you always dreamed of.

Thank you for reading and I wish others strength on their journey. I will check back in on here from time to time so don’t hesitate to reach out to chat.

 

[G.123]

Day 31. Think this must be the longest I have ever gone without O! Still feeling strong. I seem to wave between flatline and cravings for porn or some sort of sexual stimulus but I am trying to use my meditation practice and just acknowledge the thought and let it go, no urge to act on it and ruin this. I have had some morning wood, still not often but I was not having any previously so some positive signs of recovery potentially.

I am planning to go 100 days and see where I am at then. I’m breaking that down into segments to help, next milestone is 14th February (Ash Wednesday) then I’m planning to go another 40 days from there for lent which will take me to March 28th and then another couple weeks to April 10th would be 100 days!

Going out tomorrow with friends to watch the six nations rugby, normally this would be an excuse for all day drinking but I know that hangovers weaken my resolve so I’m giving myself a 4 pint limit and going home. This is more important to me now than anything so it’s not worth the risk of giving myself an excuse to crumble.

 

[G.123]

Day 100! No porn, no masturbation. I have been seeing a girl and we have had sex maybe 7 times now and I have O when we have had sex.

I’ve still had to use viagra every time. I tried once without the viagra and it wasn’t happening. I’m still not getting morning wood very often.

So I’m not fixed but I have stopped craving porn which is a start. When I started this I said I want to get to 100 days and see. Normally that would have been my excuse for a treat to watch porn but while I have thought about that more than once today I am able to control the urge. That’s progress.

I’m not sure if sleeping with the girl and O’ing is delaying progress but I’m not sure I could have done 100 days no O, I hugely respect the guys that have. So I see it as the lesser of evils and I want to get to the point where I only O when having sex and that is what I have done for 100 days. But I still need viagra is the problem.

I’m not sure on this girl yet. She is lovely and I have been honest with her that I cannot commit to a relationship right now. Even told her about my no o 100 day challenge when we first met in a bar through a mutual friend, but I haven’t told her why or admitted I’m sneakily using viagra when we have sex.

I’m currently unemployed and living at my parents so surprised she even wants to date me to be honest! So I have told her I need to focus on getting a job and then we can see where we’re at. And that is genuine, I desperately need a job and then I can afford some counselling which will hopefully assist with this and we’ll get back to full healthy working order and turn my life to a good track.

I’m feeling mentally positive, physically healthy and more determined than ever.

Here is to the next 100 days of no porn and no masturbation.

 

[G.123]

Day 102. Been ruminating on my last post and wondering if me using viagra and O’ing when having sex is delaying my reboot and I have decided that I’m going to try having sex but not O. I just re-read some of the guidance on here which has been really helpful. I am seeing the girl tomorrow and we have previously discussed that I wanted to do no O for 100 days and I have joked with her that she stopped me. Which is kind of true as in 100 days I have only O’ed having sex with her. So I’m going to say right this time I am doing 100 days no O. We can have sex and do stuff and I think that will be beneficial to wire my brain towards real life.

If I’m honest with myself as well I have been on swinger’s websites and spoke to woman and discussed sexual stuff. I have no idea how I even ended up there as I have never been to a swingers club in my life and have no intention to go! But after quitting porn, then quitting looking at escort sites I convinced myself swingers website was ok! I know it is my addicted brain screaming out for any kind of pixelated sexual stimulus on my phone. So I know for the next 100 days I really need to quit that too. Might get off Instagram too as I know sometimes I’ll see a girl on there and then that will trigger me to have a browse at photos on the swingers site. It’s ridiculous because honestly most woman on the swingers site are not attractive!! So it’s just a stupid excuse from my brain to get some dopamine.

I must be able to control my mind and my thirst for dopamine. I need to get back to praying and meditation and step this up a gear. We’re a third of the way through the year and while I am really pleased with the progress I am making and I am feeling positive I have to have to have to be in a higher place by the end of the year.

I also want to state here how helpful this forum has been. This thread is just a jumble of my thoughts over the last two years but it has really helped motivate me and the information here is invaluable. The next 6 months are huge for me now and I will post a bit more regularly here I think and it’s going to be so interesting to see the positive trajectory that I am sure I’m now on. I feel like I have broken the back of this now and I just need to keep pushing forward!

 

[G.123]

It’s interesting for me to read the last few posts, I was doing so well but the last few weeks I have really let myself down.

I have stopped seeing the girl I was sleeping with. My ex wife invited me to visit her on holiday in Dominican Republic and I went. I was honest to the girl but obviously she was upset and said she didn’t want to see me again. She understood that me and my ex wife have a 10 year history and I had to give it a chance. But having gone and stayed in her apartment out there in separate beds for two nights we both agreed it’s too far gone now. We’re going to cut communication and move on separately with our lives. So my dream from my first post on this forum of one day saying me and my wife are back together and have a baby has gone. But I’m ok, I have a new dream that I meet someone new, remarry maybe and have a family.

But last 6 weeks I have been messaging the woman I met on a swingers forum and have met up with her three times and had sex once. She is actually really nice, 35 divorced so similar to me. But we sext a lot and even talk about porn and I’ve started watching porn again. This Friday, i.e in two days, we are supposed to be going to a swing club event with the plan that she will fuck a guy while I watch. I know as much as she isn’t a bad person this behaviour is not healthy for my recovery and I know I need to cancel and cut contact and get back on track. This does not align with the vision I have for my life and I need to consciously take decisions that are healthy for me and my goals.

It’s crazy how I have got myself in this situation. I think my brain craves porn that bad that subconsciously I would rather go to a swing club and watch this woman have sex with another guy than have sex with her myself!

So I came here to read my progress which has confirmed what I already know I need to do. I will text her and cancel and apologise. I feel bad that I have strung her along with sexting etc for my own dopamine hit.

I finally start a new job on Monday. I am building my own house which should be finished by October so I can move out of my parents. I have finally cut all contact with my ex wife and my divorce is all finalised. So I feel like I have a lot to be positive about and I just need to find the right woman for a relationship that includes a healthy sex life with no porn. I will rejoin dating apps in a couple of months but first...

This is day 3 of no O and I want to try and go 100 days no O including no sex this time. 100 days from now is Tuesday 3rd September. Wish me luck!

 

[Emptyroom]

Hi! You should be proud of yourself for having the insight now to see your behaviours for what they are. Sorry about that original dream but it is not to late for you to have a family. It is better to be on a low rung of a ladder that you want to climb than to be on a high rung of a bad ladder. 3 days are great. Good luck with reaching 100!

 

[G.123]

Hi! You should be proud of yourself for having the insight now to see your behaviours for what they are. Sorry about that original dream but it is not to late for you to have a family. It is better to be on a low rung of a ladder that you want to climb than to be on a high rung of a bad ladder. 3 days are great. Good luck with reaching 100!

Thank you for replying and you are absolutely right, I can still have a family and it’s a little later in life but it will be worth it if it’s with the right person. Just need to find the right person to climb the ladder with! I really needed to hear that today as I logged on here as I’m feeling so low and deflated this afternoon so thank you so much

 

[G.123]

Day 8. Feeling so horny today and been tempted to watch porn but I’m going to stay strong. I start my new job tomorrow so I know it’s the boredom today and tomorrow will be easier when I’m busy. Keeping on with this now

 

[CloseToToast]

Awesome efforts getting to day 8! Keep it going!