Day 14. Thanks
@searching4good 2 weeks does feel like an achievement. I think I've reached the flatline as much less urging for MO or PMO. Just feel numb really!
Probably doesn't help that I met my wife today for a further talk about our relationship. I moved out about a month ago but we have talked every day since and met a couple of times so I have been holding out hope that we would pull through. But today she has said that whilst she will always love me and thinks the world of me, the spark in the relationship has gone for her and so from today onwards we won't contact each other and she is going to make arrangements for divorce. Man it hurts so much. You guys on here are the first people I've told this too so thanks for not only the support quiting porn but writing this thread is a form of councilling for me!
The crazy thing is that normally any kind of trauma and I would seek solice in porn. But right now I have zero desire to ever turn to that. I am not saying that watching porn was what ended my marriage but these last two weeks I am starting to feel like my senses are more alive and I am more confident and outgoing. Maybe if I had of been like that these last two years I wouldn't find myself where I am now.
All I can say as advice guys is that life moves real fast, up and down. 3 or 4 months ago I was checking fertility apps with my wife to time our sex to conceive and searching for houses to buy. Now I'm 35, living at my parents house and about to be divorced. Truth is though, I was using viagra to have sex and it was me searching for houses, with my wife not showing much interest. So maybe it was all fake and not meant to be. I love my wife so much and I have always wanted a family so this hurts like hell to find myself here.
Anyway, sorry, probably getting a bit too deep here. I know I have to keep strong. I'm going to get to 100 days. Take some time to reflect and in 2023 I have to bounce back from all of this.