For my unborn

searching4good

Active Member
Hey G, just wanted to say that 2weeks+ is some going. How have you been since Thursday?

I am so sorry to hear the news about the divorce, I haven't been through that myself so I'm not going to say I understand how it feels. I can't imagine the hurt and sorrow, but who's to say that if you keep putting in the work now, keep plugging away at yourself and the factors that brought you to P, that in a year's time you won't be in a better place than you were a year previous to now.

Things definitely don't always happen for the best, but you can make the best of the situation - Regardless of how the divorce may or may not play out, and regardless of who else is in your life. We just don't know what's ahead of us, but I am in absolutely no doubt that better things will happen for all of us the longer we keep fighting this fight.

thinking of you and looking forward to reading your next post mate.
 

G.123

Member
Hey G, just wanted to say that 2weeks+ is some going. How have you been since Thursday?
Hey man, thank you for the message, really appreciate the support. Sorry for the late reply, I've been trying to keep myself busy so not been on here for a few days. You are spot on that we need to keep striving for self improvement, I've felt down and weak these last few days but I keep telling myself that I cannot give in. You have given me an extra push in motivation as you are right that in a years time I want to be in a better place than I am now, whatever form that may take. Good advice for us all that better things will come through self improvement and any PMO is only going to set us back. I'm not giving in no matter how weak and down I feel right now
 

G.123

Member
Day 24. Hard to believe I have got to 24 days with no O, MO, PMO, nothing! I thought I had entered the flat line but definetly haven't as spent a fair amount of time recently looking at instagram pics and even scrolling through an escort site, no intention of using an escort but was clearly just giving myself the excuse that it isnt porn but enables me to look at images. So I keep blocking instagram and unblocking but I am blocking again and want to stay off for a week. Have also enabled safe search on my phone to block any sort of site like an escort site. I know I can easily reactivate but I think just giving myself that extra blocker so that I know when I unblock safe mode I know exactly what I am doing and will hopefully ask myself is it really worth doing that. I am hoping that if I can get away from images all together I can get to some sort of flatline, ride that out and then come out the other side a rejuvenated man! So I have a plan, just need to execute it!!
 

PrometheusUnbound

Active Member
Social media is a difficult one, I have found it useful so far to categorise it in my head as a (mild) form of porn that I have to stay away from (for now at least), and for me that also applies to ogling in any form.

Well done on 24 days!!!
 

searching4good

Active Member
Hey @G.123 - just wanted to check in to see how it was all going. Sorry I've been a bit absent recently - has not been the smoothest few days for me! But I'm so chuffed to hear you made it to 24 days. That's genuinely incredible.

Hoping you're doing ok and thinking of you either way.
 

searching4good

Active Member
Hey @G.123 - hope you're doing ok mate. Just wanted to say I've been thinking of you and regardless of how you've been doing the last week or so, am hoping you're being kind to yourself.

Speak soon pal.
 

G.123

Member
Not been on here for a while. Interesting to read how far I got previously with like a month off of it. But last few months I have let myself go. It was my 36th birthday on 12th January so using that as day 1. Need to grow up and get a life! My wife moves out at the end of the month so this year has to be about new beginnings for me and finally sorting my shit out. My life goal is a loving relationship and a family of my own and I cannot forego that for short term dopamine kicks! So here we go trying to quit this shit again…
 

G.123

Member
Day 5. I have downloaded an app called ‘I am sober’ which I am finding useful to keep tracking progress. Feeling good so far but I know I have gone a lot longer than this only to fail so got to keep going this time. Just keep telling myself that I’m 36 year’s old, getting divorced and my life feels pathetic. I can mope around feeling sorry for myself and watch porn or I can pick myself up, get fucking angry and determined to change for the better. So I choose to be better 💪
 

Daybyday1988

Active Member
I’m 36 year’s old, getting divorced and my life feels pathetic

Hey bro, im 34 so right around your age. Your ex wife unfortunately like most modern women abdicated her responsibility toward you her husband. Pretty common due to the fact that for decades the mainstream thought has been polluted by disney fantasy like nonsense where the marriage is supposed to be happiness and emotional grandeur at all times or else "it wasn't meant to be" or he wasnt "the one". Most modern women are disgustingly selfish and entitled and have an inflated sense of what they are worth.

Sorry you had to go through that. Just got married myself about a year ago to a serious Christian, as am I. we talked long and often about her submitting to me, and allowing me to be the man of the house, to provide for us and let me make the decisions. she will be cooking and cleaning and taking care of things in the home and she is now weeks away from the birth of our first child. If i did not meet someone like that, there is no chance i would ever get "married". I use the quotation marks because the world's idea of that institution is utter nonsense like i described earlier.

My life goal is a loving relationship and a family of my own and I cannot forego that for short term dopamine kicks!

thats right man. You want this issue a mile away from your family. It's time to regain your masculinity that has been stolen away from you by this addiction.

after over a decade of battling this issue myself, my advice would be to get a blocking software that allows you to have accountability to a real person you know or meet on here in order to completely eliminate PMO and stay away from related fantasies. It is good that you see the usefulness of a blocking app because It is very difficult to resist urges that come from addiction related brain changes like P addiction, primarily due to the deficiency in the prefrontal cortex (the part of the brain responsible for self control). once you get a good streak of abstinence, this part of the brain recovers a bit and resisting the urges becomes easier. This is why you guys are constantly failing, the PFC is too weak at the moment. It takes time for the PFC to recover before you are even able to say “no” at all so removing even the option of PMO becomes very important, hence the blocking software. I use Covenant Eyes, details in my signature.

Im almost 90 days clean, which is the longest by far i have ever gone PMO free since becoming addicted over a decade ago. The key is you need to be accountable. I have a great accountability partner and we can see each others search history every day. This forces you to change your behavior and avoid PMO.

reach out to me in a private message if you want. look forward to reading your posts more. peace

-DbD
 

G.123

Member
It’s been 18 months since I joined this forum. Has been interesting to read back over my posts, but also kind of depressing to think that my life hasn’t moved forward as much as old me thought it might have. So I turned 37 last week, my divorce has gone through and I got made redundant 6 months ago. I have had an amazing 5 months away travelling which has really helped me grow as a person. But the reality now I am back is I am 37, divorced, unemployed, living at my parents and from recent experience still unable to have sex without using viagra! So not a great CV to put on my dating profile right now!!

But on the plus side, today is day 20 of monk mode, no O, PMO nothing. And from reading back on old posts I struggled so much more to get to this point last time. I feel so strong and mentally clear now, I feel like I can finally do this. I did a lot of gym while I was away travelling so I am fit and healthy physically and my old posts have just taught me that my relapses would often coincide with me going out drinking and sniffing cocaine. Well I am also day 20 of no alcohol or drugs and I figure I’m going to keep that up too. Even started praying every night and went to church last Sunday, I wouldn’t even say I’m religious but, and this probably sounds ridiculous, on 1st January when feeling like shit having partied all night I couldn’t find my car keys anywhere, I mean I had turned my room upside down, so I cried and I prayed to God that if I find them I will block porn off my phone and really commit to being a better person, then I looked again and found my car keys within like 5 minutes! Anyway, not saying I’m a born again Christen from this one experience but I’m a man of my word so I’ve been saying a prayer every night to update on my progress and honestly I cannot believe how easy it feels this time!

I know new year new me is cheesy but I wanted to write this post as a marker to read if I feel weak and like quitting over the coming days and weeks. 2024 is the year I finally do this and I want to write a post again at the end of the year that finally contains some positive news in my life. By then I want a job, my own place, a loving relationship with a healthy sex life. It is never too late to sort things out and attain the life you always dreamed of.

Thank you for reading and I wish others strength on their journey. I will check back in on here from time to time so don’t hesitate to reach out to chat.
 
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G.123

Member
Day 31. Think this must be the longest I have ever gone without O! Still feeling strong. I seem to wave between flatline and cravings for porn or some sort of sexual stimulus but I am trying to use my meditation practice and just acknowledge the thought and let it go, no urge to act on it and ruin this. I have had some morning wood, still not often but I was not having any previously so some positive signs of recovery potentially.

I am planning to go 100 days and see where I am at then. I’m breaking that down into segments to help, next milestone is 14th February (Ash Wednesday) then I’m planning to go another 40 days from there for lent which will take me to March 28th and then another couple weeks to April 10th would be 100 days!

Going out tomorrow with friends to watch the six nations rugby, normally this would be an excuse for all day drinking but I know that hangovers weaken my resolve so I’m giving myself a 4 pint limit and going home. This is more important to me now than anything so it’s not worth the risk of giving myself an excuse to crumble.
 
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