I want this cycle to be done... Turning Point

Dang it I am getting waves of temptation to go back on the death cycle. It's so easy but so destructive. I am talking to my wife about it and that is helping but everything that I do to offset this temptation seems to have an effective duration and when that effectiveness wears off I am back to being tempted.

That is, when I am facing the waves of temptation. When I am more normally stable all the socializing helps just keep me in a healthy frame of mind and spirit.

But right now I am facing the waves. It makes me long for the peace. Which is another thing to push me back into the death cycle. The moment I give in the pain of temptation goes away! No wonder this issue is so hard to overcome.
 
Day 3:

I have had a few urges to go back but I have done pretty good so far. The day has been stressful at work and I am hoping that I can keep my head about me so that I can alert those who I need to in order to stay clean.
 

WinkTinkTillium

Active Member
Relapses are rough but im glad to hear that you didnt waiver and are back at it. That is a great testament of not letting this darkness win. Congrats on Day 3! If you dont mind me prying a bit what triggered your urges? perhaps talking about the self reflection of why it occurred may help you devise a plan to counter it. For example was it the work stress and seeking relief from it. Idiot drivers on the way home from work. Burnt toast for dinner. Your sports team lost the game. The reasons may seem minute but they all add up to everything you carry minute to minute day to day. If talking about it is a detractor then ignore me, but i found by self analyzing my why did this happen, why do i feel this way, what did i do, what did others do i cant control etc. All of it was relevant for me at least. That's when i began to create back up options to immediately change course if i was pondering the darkness.

idle and bored in my office, fear of relapse ? - 15 minute break and take a walk outside with music on (always brought my sneakers to work and had them at my desk just in case)

Rough night before, fiance upset, kids not sleeping ? - wake up 30 minutes early and treat myself to a Fancy Coffee (just what i call latte's etc), leave my phone in the car and read a book at the coffee shop.

etc etc
 
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