Fighting for my freedom💪

Tuesday: Another tough day for me. I have to admit that I am letting these thoughts to control me. I've to do something about it

Wednesday: Not so difficult day. Tried my best to not to get distracted. But I'm still wasting time on YouTube.
 
Thursday: no relapse

Friday: I relapsed. It was after my classes when i was in my bed , I started watching some videos on youtube. I didn't relapsed at that time but when i woke up at midnight.
 
It's been a week or two since my last post. It's been a tough week for me. I've been spending hours & hours with my books. Reboot-wise,it was not good. I was like " I'm done with everything".
 
I'm back after a month. My friend and partner FiveFortyFour helped me to get my confidence back. I was not posting my journals because I lost all my strength and willpower to move forward. I was hopeless. I was not trying to improve myself rather i was trying not to destroy myself. That hopelessness was pulling me down. I've to admit that i do have suicidal tendency. Sometimes it feels like either suicide or porn is the only for my problems. Even the smallest problem makes me feel sick.
It's no joke to say that porn has destroyed me from inside. I'm on a journey where there is no u-turn, I've to just move forward.

PRAY FOR ME🙏🕉️
 

sho0fl

Active Member
Try avoiding all of your mistakes, otherwise you'll be back at the new beginning you had previously.

Analyze your behavior and try to change it. Like really try to change it, don't just think you're. See what works to avoid some compulsive instincts to watch P. Remove all of your triggers (if possible).

Make sure to avoid it all costs during the first weeks so that you can clear your head and see things better.

Good luck man
 
Day 1
NoPMO
I am preparing for my exams and i take online classes using my smartphone. And that's where the problem starts. My smartphone constantly reminds me of porn and sometimes it gets difficult for me to resist. Any suggestions regarding this?
 
Because of porn I've been procrastinating on many things. That fire I used to feel in me to do something bigger in my life ,porn has worked as a fire extinguisher on it. There was a time when i used to do Yoga, meditation and my religious practices on time.
 

FiveFortyFour

Active Member
My smartphone constantly reminds me of porn and sometimes it gets difficult for me to resist. Any suggestions regarding this?

Glad you're back on the wagon, bro. You'll get through this stronger.

Now, how often do you use your phone outside of studying? If possible, do you think you could set timers while studying to stand up, get a glass of water, do some stretches, maybe even go for a walk? Anything to get up and distract yourself for a brief spell?
 
Day 2:
NO PMO
I know it is common to face some difficulties initially. Faced some urges.
I almost spends 10 hours taking online classes for various subjects. It is also a plus point for me because during this period my mind is focused on my studies.

I making a preventive plan for some of my major triggers or cues. Any suggestions?
 
Glad you're back on the wagon, bro. You'll get through this stronger.

Now, how often do you use your phone outside of studying? If possible, do you think you could set timers while studying to stand up, get a glass of water, do some stretches, maybe even go for a walk? Anything to get up and distract yourself for a brief spell?
Thank you brother
 

FiveFortyFour

Active Member
I making a preventive plan for some of my major triggers or cues. Any suggestions?

Well, I do have one sorta off-the-wall idea that may or may not work for you. A while back, I got ahold of this decorative broadsword that I keep around my room. Sometimes, if the urges are screaming in my ear, I'll go and slide it out of its sheathe and give it a few swings. Something about big, forceful physical actions seems to reassert my sense of dominance over myself. I'm not sure if you're the type to just have medieval weaponry lying around, but even if it's just something like a cane or a ruler or something, if you've got a nice clear space, maybe giving it a few swings and stabs could get you re-focused when your grip is slipping.

Weird idea, but unconventional enemies call for unconventional strategies. Other than that, remember that we all believe in you, bossman.
 
Well, I do have one sorta off-the-wall idea that may or may not work for you. A while back, I got ahold of this decorative broadsword that I keep around my room. Sometimes, if the urges are screaming in my ear, I'll go and slide it out of its sheathe and give it a few swings. Something about big, forceful physical actions seems to reassert my sense of dominance over myself. I'm not sure if you're the type to just have medieval weaponry lying around, but even if it's just something like a cane or a ruler or something, if you've got a nice clear space, maybe giving it a few swings and stabs could get you re-focused when your grip is slipping.

Weird idea, but unconventional enemies call for unconventional strategies. Other than that, remember that we all believe in you, bossman.
That's a new idea. For this, I have to apply for a Weapon licence 😂.

I do have a ruler, by the way.
 

FiveFortyFour

Active Member
Day 3:
NO PMO
Strong urges kicked up before bed. Prayed to god to help me.

Oh, and another thing that may or may not help, especially with the urges in bed. Take your scriptures into bed with you. Read a portion if you need encouragement, and otherwise keep them closeby.

Might seem a little odd, but it's helped me in a pinch. You're doing great, man!
 
Day 4:
Nopmo
I believe all of us know about "Edging". What makes "Edging" more dangerous is unlike M-ing, it gives you a constant doze of dopamine. I've been fighting this habit with all my willpower but sometimes it becomes irresistible. So what should i do about it?
 
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