SalientY
Member
Hello, my name is SalientY. I am a 30 year old man and who is a retail store manager and lives with my mom and brother. I have come to a deep realization that I am a man who cannot handle porn use responsibly. It is very harmful to me and does not belong in my life if I want to have genuine relationships with women. I know it is going to be a struggle but I must fight this, fight for my life to have something better. I need love and support and would love to share that with you guys as well.
So a bit about my story: I started using porn around age 14 and got into more heavy use at 17. From 17 to about 21 I used it heavily, and while I had a girlfriend or two I was still a virgin. I quit porn for about a year, from late 2012 to early 2014. In 2013 I entered a relationship with a woman for 3 months, with whom I lost virginity to. We lived about and hour and a half apart, and whenever we saw each other at one another's place we would have sex. She really enjoyed having sex with me especially at the beginning, so I know I can have a sex life with a woman.
In 2014 I started using porn again due to depression and social isolation. In fall of that year I was hospitalized for about a week for mental health issues. After being released i moved back home from college and got a retail job. I am now with a different retail company and manage a store. I need to tell myself I have accomplished something in life.
So here I sit. I have had some revalations lately, and have decided to entirely quit drinking (gone over a month) and plan to avoid all drug use (was using THC but it was giving me bad highs) in the future. And obviously, I must quit porn.
Porn does what literally everyone has always told me it does: it makes you view women as sex objects. It makes me expect a life and needs fulfilled by women that they cannot possibly fulfill. Not only that, but they are people with their own wants, feelings, needs and desires and it is insanely entitled for me to expect them to fulfill them.
If I have acted like an incel, it was a very non standard way I went about it: with mental health struggles, I have always utterly blamed myself for my problems and social rejections, never others. I never went around the internet trashing women for not wanting to date me, or spent hours stewing each day with negative thoughts about women; I ENTIRELY placed the burden on myself and how I wasn't a man worth anything at all. I never hated women for rejecting me, I just completely hated myself. Neither are true: I am worthy, I have value, and there are women who will eventually see that. And there are some who will not; and that is fine. Not every woman has to like me just as I do not have to like every woman. Coming to that realization, and my history of almost always putting the burden on myself and not blaming women, gives me hope that I can be a person worth loving.
So I have deleted all my porn. I know it is going to be difficult and I will get urges but I know I can quit this. I know I can break this cycle. I know I can get past the depression and desperation and become a decent man with a social circle and eventually a woman to love. Thank you all so much for reading and bless you.
So a bit about my story: I started using porn around age 14 and got into more heavy use at 17. From 17 to about 21 I used it heavily, and while I had a girlfriend or two I was still a virgin. I quit porn for about a year, from late 2012 to early 2014. In 2013 I entered a relationship with a woman for 3 months, with whom I lost virginity to. We lived about and hour and a half apart, and whenever we saw each other at one another's place we would have sex. She really enjoyed having sex with me especially at the beginning, so I know I can have a sex life with a woman.
In 2014 I started using porn again due to depression and social isolation. In fall of that year I was hospitalized for about a week for mental health issues. After being released i moved back home from college and got a retail job. I am now with a different retail company and manage a store. I need to tell myself I have accomplished something in life.
So here I sit. I have had some revalations lately, and have decided to entirely quit drinking (gone over a month) and plan to avoid all drug use (was using THC but it was giving me bad highs) in the future. And obviously, I must quit porn.
Porn does what literally everyone has always told me it does: it makes you view women as sex objects. It makes me expect a life and needs fulfilled by women that they cannot possibly fulfill. Not only that, but they are people with their own wants, feelings, needs and desires and it is insanely entitled for me to expect them to fulfill them.
If I have acted like an incel, it was a very non standard way I went about it: with mental health struggles, I have always utterly blamed myself for my problems and social rejections, never others. I never went around the internet trashing women for not wanting to date me, or spent hours stewing each day with negative thoughts about women; I ENTIRELY placed the burden on myself and how I wasn't a man worth anything at all. I never hated women for rejecting me, I just completely hated myself. Neither are true: I am worthy, I have value, and there are women who will eventually see that. And there are some who will not; and that is fine. Not every woman has to like me just as I do not have to like every woman. Coming to that realization, and my history of almost always putting the burden on myself and not blaming women, gives me hope that I can be a person worth loving.
So I have deleted all my porn. I know it is going to be difficult and I will get urges but I know I can quit this. I know I can break this cycle. I know I can get past the depression and desperation and become a decent man with a social circle and eventually a woman to love. Thank you all so much for reading and bless you.
Strength!