Let's do this

Day 1

I'm going cold turkey and I found the first day of it much easier than I was expecting. I'm leaving it there because I don't want to jinx myself, but I've (half-assed) tried to quit in the past. This time I'm committed to doing it.

My first goal is 90 days because I saw some things saying it's the hardest period and this journal is my way of holding myself accountable.
 
Day 2

It felt strange not getting off today but I can manage it so far. Maybe I'm not as addicted as I thought I was, although I have read about the brain playing tricks like this so I'm going to keep sticking it out.

I'm very appreciative of the advice on this site and I will also share my experience if I run into any trouble.

To everybody reading, I hope you have a great day!
 
Day 3

Feeling a bit drained despite getting better sleep than I usually do. I was able to concentrate today but generally didn't find myself craving MO or PMO which surprised me. People seem to be talking about flatlining after a few weeks and even though it hasn't been a few weeks yet I'm wondering if that's what I'm starting to do.
 
Day 4

I'm feeling good but not horny at all which is super strange to me. Maybe this isn't a flatline because I'm not feeling too drained. I'm finding it really hard to find parallels with other peoples stories at this point because I understand loads of guys report feeling really horny during the first week of no MO/PMO.

I definitely think there are some benefits so far though. I ate some sweet food today and I felt a lot happier after eating it than I would have a week ago. It kind of sounds unbelievable but I promise you there was a noticeable difference. It really motivated me to continue down this path because it gave me a window into what life could be like with lower dopamine.

Have a great day everyone!
 
Day 5

Still largely not feeling horny which still surprises me. Felt slightly horny earlier today but otherwise basically nothing in that realm.

Very weak intrusive thoughts in the afternoon but I got through them. Things are going well so far.
 
Day 6

Intrusive thoughts were a bit stronger today. Instead of going for a "while-knuckled" approach I aimed for a more relaxed one. I told myself "you will not MO" and that seemed to work. So far I found that downplaying urges seems to work better than forcing myself to meditate/think about other things. I think that it decreases the grip that PMO has on me. Each to their own though. I get that meditation produces great results for other people! It seems like it's all just about finding what works for you.

No morning wood or anything like that yet but I really can't wait for it to start happening again. Life is good!
 
Day 7

The intrusive thoughts are still here. I had a dream where I watched porn and woke up feeling so scared I had lost my steak. The dreams are the worst part because my subconscious is in control but so far everything has been ok there.

I saw a post from blondie where he talked about reading the partners of addicts section. He is completely right that It serves as great motivation. I will go back there if I need to feel more motivated than I already am.
 

TryingHarder

Active Member
So far so good, Clear Conscience! One week is a good milestone. If you can do one week, you can do two. If you can do two weeks, you can do a month, etc. Reading threads on this forum will provide you with a lot of information. And if you haven't already, get a copy of Your Brain On Porn by Gary Wilson and read it from cover to cover.
 
Day 8

Things are good so far. Like I mentioned on Day 6, I'm going for a relaxed approach to this (but also not letting my guard down). Every time I get any kind of intrusive thought, I just tell myself "you will not MO". Saying it in my head and just thinking about the meaning of the words and why I'm doing this makes a huge difference for me. It will be a lot better for myself and everyone around me if I stop PMO.

I haven't found anyone mentioning the "you will not MO" trick, so if you're reading this, maybe try giving it a go when you get intrusive thoughts? I guess you can say whatever you want, maybe you could list in your head all the reasons PMO would be a bad idea? I appreciate that it may not work for everyone, but it's a tool to add to the toolbox! If I find anything else working for me I'll be sure to post it here.

If you can do one week, you can do two
Thank you so much for your kind words TryingHarder! This sort of mindset hadn't occurred to me before. Putting my progress in perspective can help me stay motivated.

Have a great day everyone!
 
Day 9

Today was good. I ended up doing MO, but I don't feel bad about it because:
> I seriously thought about my long-term goals before and afterward (not using porn)
> I was feeling genuinely horny in a totally healthy way
> There was nothing unhealthy about the experience (my thoughts were natural and i didn't use a death grip or even a firm grip for that matter)

I had no intrusive thoughts today. In the past I was only getting 1-2 every day and they waned really fast. One thing I realized is that after a few days of not watching P i have started to dream vivdly again. For the first day or two, the dreams contained intrusive thoughts but they don't anymore.

My plan is to go at least another week without MO because I don't think I need to do as much as I did before. I actually enjoyed it a lot more after a week of no MO. If I can do it healthily and it keeps me off porn then it's better than full cold turkey as a long term solution. I'm going to think about it over the next week and blog my thoughts every day.
 
Day 10

Life is good and the P-related thoughts seem to be around far less now. I'm still not letting my guard down!

No horny or intrusive thoughts today. I'm still not feeling bad about the MO yesterday which is a good sign but I think the goal of waiting at least a week before any more MO is a good one.

Have a great day everyone and stay strong!
 
Day 11 (Day 2 of no MO)

I have decided to stop MO for a while. Even though my most recent time - the only one since the start of my reboot - was healthy (I think), if I want to recover quickly I believe it's better to stop. After reading Blondie's most recent post on TryingHarder's thread about MO feeling normal at the start of a reboot but then feeling unnatural in retrospect, that cemented the idea. No more MO for a while.

11 days now and no intrusive thoughts today. That's 3 days straight of nothing! If they start coming back, I'll think about all my reasons for not MOing and hopefully that should keep them at bay.
 
Day 0

As you have probably already guessed, I relapsed today. The strongest emotion I feel is surprise. I just can't believe that I watched porn.

While it's hard to say there are positives here, I'm an optimist and can see a few things:
  • I made it 13 days porn-free which is a much better than 13 days of PMO
  • I know what caused me to PMO and my solution is to not use my phone so much before bed
I'm not going to beat myself up about this. Instead I will just move on and try not to fall for the same traps. The only way is up!

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I think this sums everything up nicely.

I think that when I did MO on day 9 it was probably my brain playing tricks on me for a cheap dopamine hit. So even though my goal is just to quit PMO, I am certain that stopping MO at the same time is a good idea.
 
Day 1

Today was good. I had cravings later in the day but downplayed them and didn't dwell on them too much. I have good reasons to want to quit porn and I'm going to try once again.

Hopefully this is the last time I ever need to start a streak!
 

TryingHarder

Active Member
When and if you relapse, try to learn something from it. Why did it happen? How were you feeling? What were you doing? That way, you can take steps to avoid the same circumstances next time.
 
Day 1

I made the exact same mistakes as I did two days ago and ended up relapsing again shortly after writing my post. I feel so stupid because I literally did all the things a second time that I had noticed caused me to relapse. Today I can say for certain I made it through without PMO.

My phone is switched off and I am trying to be more productive in the evening. This is the time that is the riskiest for me. It's clear that the non-white-knuckled approach works for me during the day, but I'm going to need to keep my wits about me in the evenings and not give into anything. I'm not going to fall for the same things another time.
 
Day 2

Today was good. I cut out as much tech from my day as possible and it made everything so much easier. I didn't run into any triggers. Leaving it here because I don't want to jinx myself.
 
Day 3

Cutting out tech seems to be the way to go. I had a few cravings today but I found it interesting that they weren't for PMO. I got them out of my head asap though because thoughts like that are a slippery slope and I'm approaching this with a bit more experience now.
 
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