Jhonbeckman
New Member
I've been porn free for two years, and my girlfriend still hasn't forgiven me 
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Como obter perdão de um parceiro?
- Thread starter Jhonbeckman
- Start date
Partner here with my 2 cents.
First thing is every partner handles thing differently.
My thought is yes, you cheated, and apparently with people closest to her. (My personal definition of cheating is when you were "getting off", who were you thinking about. If it wasn't your gf then it was cheating)
I am finding that on the rare occasions my husband is self reflective and shares this stuff (as hard as it is to hear) it helps move the needle toward getting over it.
First thing is every partner handles thing differently.
My thought is yes, you cheated, and apparently with people closest to her. (My personal definition of cheating is when you were "getting off", who were you thinking about. If it wasn't your gf then it was cheating)
I think if you want her to start forgiving you need to dig deep and come up with the HONEST answer to this. Is it possible that you don't like the answer and that is why you don't understand why you did it?
I am finding that on the rare occasions my husband is self reflective and shares this stuff (as hard as it is to hear) it helps move the needle toward getting over it.
Simon2
Well-Known Member
The "forbidden fruit" is often the most appealing somehow I find. Maybe fantasizing to people close to her seemed more exciting for that reason? Those people were REALLY off limits in real life.
If you're not doing therapy, maybe that could help? After so much time, if your relationship is not healing the way it needs to then help from someone neutral could be good.
If you're not doing therapy, maybe that could help? After so much time, if your relationship is not healing the way it needs to then help from someone neutral could be good.
D
Deleted member 22651
Guest
I agree with all the above.
If you both think it was cheating then start from there, and its good that you're getting therapy to get to the bottom of the issue.
You might not like the outtcome or maybe you're in denial of what you like but either way it sounds like having those difficult heart to heart conversations and knowing more about yourself would be a good place to start.
My partner always said that for her porn was cheating. After learing more about the effects of porn on the brain, I realised that it is in a way because we believe that we are having sex with the people on our screens.
Maybe look deeper into this and look within yourself to find what YOU want and whats best for YOU... without anyone elses expectations
If you both think it was cheating then start from there, and its good that you're getting therapy to get to the bottom of the issue.
You might not like the outtcome or maybe you're in denial of what you like but either way it sounds like having those difficult heart to heart conversations and knowing more about yourself would be a good place to start.
My partner always said that for her porn was cheating. After learing more about the effects of porn on the brain, I realised that it is in a way because we believe that we are having sex with the people on our screens.
Maybe look deeper into this and look within yourself to find what YOU want and whats best for YOU... without anyone elses expectations