Dating during reboot - Is it Okay or no way?

Huntilt87

Member
Hi everyone,

I didn't know how to put a name of this title but I definitely need your help as something really weird happen to me. This is in the good way..

No later than a month ago, I was still super addict to porn and really hard porn. I PMO once every two days and even wanted to have few trysts with professional to realize some weird "fantasies" induced by porn. I also have PIED and get so ashamed of it

But a week ago, I had this date with a girl who do not live in the same city than me but it went so well . We have a huge complicity and it"s so rare that I decided to tell her a partial truth about intimacy.. Basically I told her before we were going to have sex for the first time that I encuenter some sexual difficulty at the moment based on anxiety and I can have no erection or not a lot. She was super comprehensive with me and was touched that I'm saying that to her and that's OK , that we can fight that together... I didnt expect such a positive reaction since the girls I used to date was mainly annoyed by that. When we come back home, I take (without saying her) a pill of cialis recommended by my doctor. Even with that before it didn't work but there, It went super well and we had such a good times of complicity and all that it's for me a kind of relieve to meet this girl.

I didn't think at all to the porn (except today since i'm talking about it and had to cancel my 'tryst"..)

The thing is i'm traumatize by the failure of having sex and my PIED. And as we are on a long distance relationship, we spoke on the phone a lot. She seems to be really open about the sex and always mention things like "I can't wait to have sex with you all night" or "Next week, i want you to .... me "' etc.. but I don't feel aroused every single minutes and I want to tell her that it's not because it worked the first time that I'm "cure". I don't feel cure at all . and speaking about sex every day remind me when I was looking at porn , thinking of it etc... Ok this is a TRUE Connexion with REAL feeling. But I'm scared that she get disappointed or that i'm relapsing on porn.... What do you guys think? Is dating when we have on a reboot process a good thing? Is having sex , having foreplay, etc... help to create connexion or in the opposite slowdown the process?

I was in a case where I needed a hardmode reboot but now we are like super intense together. This is good. But my 'dark" secret is still there ...

Thank you for your advices/comments
 

Oscar40

Active Member
Is having sex , having foreplay, etc... help to create connexion or in the opposite slowdown the process?
Absolutely.

I want to clarify something:

A reboot is really a complete break from anything having to do with sex for at least 6 months in a row.


If within 6 months your body wants it, that means "some" sex may be possible.


Unfortunately, your porn addiction has tired and left your body and mind "exhausted" regarding your sexual response. In these next few months, your sexual response will be nil. So having sex in these next few months is a mistake.


The only option you have is to wait for her sexual response to return (if you are lucky and she returns in less than 6 months). There is no other option.


The best thing is that you tell the girl that for now you don't want to have anything with anyone.
 

IamTrying

Member
Just my personal experience. dating is really helpful for my reboot. My girl is really supportive. After I told her everything, she asked some questions and said it was totally OK. We often cuddled but no sex. Of course my solder was hibernating and there was no response. But at the 30ish days of my reboot, my soldier awaked without pills. I don't think I have been cured yet. My libido is still low. But dating for me actually helped my fight against porn. Having somebody emotionally supporting you always is good.
 
D

Deleted member 22651

Guest
I agree with @IamTrying , I found that having a partner was helpful and it motivated me to do more like hit the gym. My partner is very understanding, everytime I have a long streak going the sex is amazing.
Im at around 4 months porn free now and can proudly say that I dont watch porn anymore after a year of trial and error.

Having a partner makes it harder to fall back if they support you and you genuinely want to stop and not make excuses.
 

Gabe Deem

Administrator
Staff member
Admin
Moderator
Absolutely.

I want to clarify something:

A reboot is really a complete break from anything having to do with sex for at least 6 months in a row.
A reboot is a break from artificial sexual stimulation (porn).
There isn’t a certain amount of time that defines a reboot. Whether or not you have sexual contact with a real person during a reboot is up to each individual rebooter.
 

Oscar40

Active Member
Whether or not you have sexual contact with a real person during a reboot is up to each individual rebooter.
Understand. However, a person will notice much more improvements in their sexual response if they perform a "hard mode" as it is often called.

The truth, sadly, for most rebooters, the results have been negative when they've been having sex during rebooting, because remember most rebooters' bodies (brains) have already been thrown off balance. That is the reason why I prefer to advise a man that if he is going to restart, he does it in total abstinence and rest from everything that is related to orgasm and sex, because, unfortunately, currently the majority of cases of PIED they are severes.



Now: there are cases of mild PIED. In these cases, an easy (sex sometimes with partner) mode reset can be done as the guys on these forums say. However, when dealing with severe PIED, it is urgent that men take a total break from everything, including sexual intercourse, at least for a very long time (it can be three months or more).
 

Oscar40

Active Member
I agree with @IamTrying , I found that having a partner was helpful and it motivated me to do more like hit the gym. My partner is very understanding, everytime I have a long streak going the sex is amazing.
Im at around 4 months porn free now and can proudly say that I dont watch porn anymore after a year of trial and error.

Having a partner makes it harder to fall back if they support you and you genuinely want to stop and not make excuses.
This is true, however, this applies but only to mild cases of PIED. We do not know if the person we are advising here is a severe case of PIED, for this reason, it seems prudent that we advise a restart in totally hard mode (no sex, no orgasm, no partner, no nothing, total abstinence ).

I don't think it's wise to advise the soft mode (sex with a partner sometimes) in these forums, to be honest, because we are not sure if it is a severe case of PIED or a mild case of PIED.

For more information I suggest you read this great publication. This is evidence that strengthens my hypothesis:




I also suggest this post. This one proves how the best thing a man with PIED can do is hard mode as long as possible to try and recover from PIED.

This user made the mistake of having sex during his reboot and was never able to see good results because of it:


 

IamTrying

Member
This is true, however, this applies but only to mild cases of PIED. We do not know if the person we are advising here is a severe case of PIED, for this reason, it seems prudent that we advise a restart in totally hard mode (no sex, no orgasm, no partner, no nothing, total abstinence ).

I don't think it's wise to advise the soft mode (sex with a partner sometimes) in these forums, to be honest, because we are not sure if it is a severe case of PIED or a mild case of PIED.

For more information I suggest you read this great publication. This is evidence that strengthens my hypothesis:




I also suggest this post. This one proves how the best thing a man with PIED can do is hard mode as long as possible to try and recover from PIED.

This user made the mistake of having sex during his reboot and was never able to see good results because of it:


I don't think I am able to have sex when I have severe PIED. and that's why I found the forum in the first place. Also, dating is not only about having sex from my opinion. Emotionally connecting with somebody else feels really good.
 

downhillfromhere

Active Member
Personally I think it’s up to the individual to choose and see what works best. I would give anything to be able to go through this with a partner, not having any outlet or intimacy with anyone or anything is tough.

I would give it a go. It’s not going to damage you further to try with a partner. If your issues don’t get better, then work with her to take a break from anything sexual for a couple of months and see how that works out. If she sticks around then you know you’ve got something good. :)
 

Huntilt87

Member
Hi guys,
I'm the author of this post and i wanted first to thank you for your point of views and your advices. This is interesting to debate about the beneficial of dating someone after years of porn addiction.
I read the hard mode and I agree that stay away from anything related to sex is the most efficient method especially to cure severe PIED. And having sex or just being in bed with her scared me af. Because i like her a lot and i miss having someone who care about me and enjoy my company . We made some holidays plan and i was so tired of being alone that I found this really important. To be honest since we are together I never came back to watch porn. So what the right balance ? Because when we get to the intimacy of the bed, i definitely have this anxiety of performance. So what the right balance ? I don't think i should be too much "drastic" when it's about dating . Who knows maybe she can be the one I will make my life with ... And if it's the case that worth trying . It will be anyway so much better than PMO alone with filthy contents at 2am (my life before I met her )
 

Huntilt87

Member
I agree. I mean we are happy to see each other not only because of sex but because we have lot of fun, we share common stuff , I love holding her hand and kiss her and this is something I didn't knew since a while because my mindset was into the PMO industry ...
I don't think I am able to have sex when I have severe PIED. and that's why I found the forum in the first place. Also, dating is not only about having sex from my opinion. Emotionally connecting with somebody else feels really good.
 

Oscar40

Active Member
Hi guys,
I'm the author of this post and i wanted first to thank you for your point of views and your advices. This is interesting to debate about the beneficial of dating someone after years of porn addiction.
I read the hard mode and I agree that stay away from anything related to sex is the most efficient method especially to cure severe PIED. And having sex or just being in bed with her scared me af. Because i like her a lot and i miss having someone who care about me and enjoy my company . We made some holidays plan and i was so tired of being alone that I found this really important. To be honest since we are together I never came back to watch porn. So what the right balance ? Because when we get to the intimacy of the bed, i definitely have this anxiety of performance. So what the right balance ? I don't think i should be too much "drastic" when it's about dating . Who knows maybe she can be the one I will make my life with ... And if it's the case that worth trying . It will be anyway so much better than PMO alone with filthy contents at 2am (my life before I met her )
Very Good.
 

Oscar40

Active Member
Personally I think it’s up to the individual to choose and see what works best. I would give anything to be able to go through this with a partner, not having any outlet or intimacy with anyone or anything is tough.

I would give it a go. It’s not going to damage you further to try with a partner. If your issues don’t get better, then work with her to take a break from anything sexual for a couple of months and see how that works out. If she sticks around then you know you’ve got something good. :)
We are definitely all different.

My case: me, in my case, the best thing that could happen to me was spending my entire reboot alone, without partners and without any sex. It would have caused me a lot of anxiety to have gone through the reboot as a couple. Fortunately I was single the whole time.

However, this is just my very personal opinion.
 
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