Chasing My Dreams

DreamChaser

Member
I have been watching porn and masturbating since I was a young teen. Around two years ago, I realized the harms of porn and tried to stop - but I couldn't, I'm addicted. I've been trying NoFap for quite a while, but without much success. My longest streak was 5 days. Recently I started reading the book Your Brain On Porn, and I found that the symptoms I've been experiencing were quite common (started watching more hardcore videos, harder to get satisfaction etc). It dawned on me how porn has been destroying my sexual life, and that I need to seriously change in order to chase my dreams. I will keep reading the book and update this journal. Whenever I want to relapse, I will read my past posts and (hopefully) stop in time. It'd be great if you can support and help me along the journey! 😀
 

DreamChaser

Member
So far I've finished Day 2. Today has been ok since I was outside of the house for most of the day. Without porn, I felt much more energetic and willing to start a conversation with others. I wasn't feeling super awkward or embarrassed when I was talking to a girl. I also realized that I had a lot to accomplish in life - way more than porn could've given me, and I wish to keep pursuing them. One trigger was when I was left alone in the house for a while when my parents were having a walk, and I opened my laptop which led to an urge. Luckily I was able to avoid the relapse, but in the future I will try to 1) go for a walk with them or 2) stay away from electronic devices when I am alone. Another thing that I wish to do a bit better is to avoid using my phone that much - but hey, one step at a time!
 

TryingHarder

Well-Known Member
Welcome to the forum, DreamChaser. All I can say is: it's very important that you break the addiction now while you're still young, or it's going to mess up your life for years and years and years. Sounds like you're on the right track. Good luck!
 

TakeActionNow

Respected Member
You're young and you're smart. That's good.

Recovery is simple : focus on effort and self improvement.
Why?
We turn to porn for feel-good.
What else feels better and lasts longer?
Self achievements.

It's hard to break a habit based only on resistance. It's better to do so with replacement.
Example:
Heartbroken? Find another partner, not dwell in loss
Over weight? Eat more healthy, not starve

This week,
Keep yourself busy
Give yourself no alone or private time
Plan and schedule.

You'll succeed and feel great about yourself
 

DreamChaser

Member
Thanks for all the encouragements! Day 3 went pretty smoothly as well, since I wasn't at home for most part of the day either (actually for the next week or so it'll be like this - definitely a great opportunity for me to quit porn!). Just like yesterday, I felt quite comfortable talking with others, and I felt great when people were laughing at my jokes. I'll keep going! :D
 

DreamChaser

Member
I'm already on Day 4! Again, today was relatively easy, but I do notice some triggers. One trigger is the ads that I encountered while reading quora today. It's not even very sexual, but it did make me think about porn. The other trigger is when I was left alone, and my brain is suddenly reminding me that porn is an option. From what I read on Your Brain On Porn, I can either a) avoid the triggers completely - limit internet surfing time, ad blocker etc. or b) "rewire" my brain: whenever I'm left alone, I'll put away all electronic devices/whenever I encounter an ad that's bothersome, I'll also put away the technology.
 

DreamChaser

Member
I still feel absolutely terrible even though I didn't use porn. Thinking back now, I feel it was completely unnecessary - I wasn't even that horny at that time. I also had a terrible sleep and insomnia seems to be taking effect as part of the side effect of no porn. I don't know what to say ... just incredibly frustrated and angry when I woke up this morning.
I should definitely keep trying tho. One trigger that I noticed was when I couldn't fall asleep last night, and I started fantasizing. Is there a good way to address this trigger?
 

DreamChaser

Member
Day 5 has been alright. I slept terribly for the last two days, and dealing with fatigue is very annoying. After MO yesterday, I also feel like my brain is a bit foggy, but perhaps that is also related to the bad sleep. I have finished reading the book YBOP, and I'll continue to educate myself on these areas.
 

DreamChaser

Member
Updating on the morning of Day 7 - I forgot to update yesterday since I was too tired. Insomnia still persists and I'm definitely suffering a bit from the lack of sleep. I also haven't been the most productive for the past few days, and I'll try to adjust that. The good thing tho, is that I've been more confident and more comfortable of reaching out/talking to others.
 

Simon2

Well-Known Member
I find I can feel extremely unproductive at times when I am on a PMO free streak. My mind is just mush. Just shows you how strong the chemical reactions are that have us hooked on P. When we don't releasee them our whole body is screaming (it seems to me) and it's hard to focus on anything. I just know that if I can get through this it'll be so much better on the other side.

Keep it up!
 

DreamChaser

Member
I find I can feel extremely unproductive at times when I am on a PMO free streak. My mind is just mush. Just shows you how strong the chemical reactions are that have us hooked on P. When we don't releasee them our whole body is screaming (it seems to me) and it's hard to focus on anything. I just know that if I can get through this it'll be so much better on the other side.

Keep it up!
Thanks! It's very encouraging to know that there are many of us out here all battling our porn addiction!
 

DreamChaser

Member
Updating on the morning of Day 8:
Hey, I've made it past a week! This week has honestly been either than I thought. I felt like my body is more relaxed and I have more time to do what I want to do. The most notable side effect is insomnia, but hopefully that will go away in a while. I also realized that MO is a normal urge, especially for a teen, as long as I'm not under the influence of P. But just for the sake of getting rid of P once and for all, it might be easier for me to limit MO as well for the first few weeks.
I'll keep it up! I really appreciate this forum, and I feel like the journal has been keeping me more accountable :D
 

DreamChaser

Member
Updating on the morning of Day 9:
MOed at night yesterday. Didn't even feel particularly aroused but I just did it... And after that I couldn't fall asleep for an hour, and it felt terrible. My brain is super tired and it feels like it's gonna explode :/ I am starting to realize that perhaps my bedroom is a trigger, since I've PMOed there a lot before and my brain is revisiting those memories whenever I go there, and it doesn't help that I'm alone. I'm not really sure how I can remove this trigger. Maybe I should try to rewire it, so that whenever I go to bed, I do 30 pushups and remind myself that I'm not going to watch P.
 

DreamChaser

Member
Updating on the morning of Day 10:
The best I've felt in a while! I had a great sleep last night, and I'm starting to become more productive. I'm also noticing a confidence boost when I'm talking to girls :D
 

DreamChaser

Member
Absolutely terrible.
I relapsed. Watched porn.
I found something on the internet, and wanted to "test" if my porn blocker can block it. When the blocker didn't block it, my self control completely crumbled...
My inner self screamed and warned myself not to watch porn. But porn is just so addictive that my self-control couldn't do anything.
I feel absolutely terrible right now, and I don't know what to do...
 

Blondie

Respected Member
Well... there's only two things you can do. You can beat yourself up about it, or, you can get back up and learn from your mistake and keep on keeping on.

What did you learn? Well, now you know checking blockers is probably not a good idea.

Great job on 10 days. Remember, tomorrow you're not starting over again, you're just starting your streak again. If you do another 10 days porn free, that's 20 days, which is quite the improvement from before.

One day at a time.
 

DreamChaser

Member
Well... there's only two things you can do. You can beat yourself up about it, or, you can get back up and learn from your mistake and keep on keeping on.

What did you learn? Well, now you know checking blockers is probably not a good idea.

Great job on 10 days. Remember, tomorrow you're not starting over again, you're just starting your streak again. If you do another 10 days porn free, that's 20 days, which is quite the improvement from before.

One day at a time.
You're right. There's no point beating myself up about it anymore.
It's a bit demoralizing to think about that streak is over, but I guess the progress isn't over.
I'll keep going.
 
Top