My Journal

arandomguy

Member
Day 1- Starting off this journey today. Not one to journal consistently. I have no idea how I'll be able to keep this up; but this is rock bottom. My girlfriend called quits after finding out I'd lied to her about my progress in quitting. It was 7 months to our wedding. It's shameful - I haven't even told any of my buddies and not planning to. Thankfully, she agreed to give me time to convince her of what will change and why she should trust me. I don't want to lose her, so I'll do everything I can. But I've tried so many times before so it feels a bit hopeless. But a bit hopeful still so I'm grateful for that. I'm doing this for myself too though - and for the God I believe in too - but I've failed him so many times that I don't want to tell myself that now.
 

FiveFortyFour

Active Member
But a bit hopeful still so I'm grateful for that. I'm doing this for myself too though - and for the God I believe in too - but I've failed him so many times that I don't want to tell myself that now.

I'll assume for now that you and I serve the same God and say this: You have nothing to hide from Him; he already knows your deeds and your heart, and His love for you is not changed. He's got no desire to punish you or chastise you, He wants to heal you and restore you. Don't be ashamed to say that you're doing this for Him. If you believe in Him, He wants to be a part of your journey, and as He said of Himself, He will never leave you nor forsake you.

That said, I'm glad you came here when you did. I'm pleading with you to try and keep a regular journal here as you cut out any and all triggers. This is a daily battle that, harsh as it may seem, requires constant awareness of your mental state, especially in the early phases. Doing this may help in establishing a mindset of vigilance. Beyond that, pray regularly. A connection to God is the strongest tool you have in your arsenal; don't let it rust in its scabbard.

I hope yours becomes a resounding success story. I believe in you; you can do this! God be with you!
 

SimonM

Active Member
Welcome! If you're willing to do everything it takes, then DO journal consistently. That's my advice. It CAN really help because it creates accountability for you and to others, it helps you get to know yourself, and it's a place to come to immediately when the porn sites call. Here is a safe place.

Try it for a while. I am amazed what a difference it's made coming here. I had been trying to quit for about 7 years since I left an older forum - and I haden't managed more than 30 days in that time. Now I'm at 49... When I was journaling in the old forum I'd actually managed about six months... So I'm here to stay - for now! I hope to see you around :)
 

arandomguy

Member
I'll assume for now that you and I serve the same God and say this: You have nothing to hide from Him; he already knows your deeds and your heart, and His love for you is not changed. He's got no desire to punish you or chastise you, He wants to heal you and restore you. Don't be ashamed to say that you're doing this for Him. If you believe in Him, He wants to be a part of your journey, and as He said of Himself, He will never leave you nor forsake you.

That said, I'm glad you came here when you did. I'm pleading with you to try and keep a regular journal here as you cut out any and all triggers. This is a daily battle that, harsh as it may seem, requires constant awareness of your mental state, especially in the early phases. Doing this may help in establishing a mindset of vigilance. Beyond that, pray regularly. A connection to God is the strongest tool you have in your arsenal; don't let it rust in its scabbard.

I hope yours becomes a resounding success story. I believe in you; you can do this! God be with you!
Hey man, I read this and teared up yesterday. I've only cried one other time as an adult so that's saying something. Thank you for the encouragement. Looking forward to this journey, and feeling a lot more hopeful!
 

arandomguy

Member
Welcome! If you're willing to do everything it takes, then DO journal consistently. That's my advice. It CAN really help because it creates accountability for you and to others, it helps you get to know yourself, and it's a place to come to immediately when the porn sites call. Here is a safe place.

Try it for a while. I am amazed what a difference it's made coming here. I had been trying to quit for about 7 years since I left an older forum - and I haden't managed more than 30 days in that time. Now I'm at 49... When I was journaling in the old forum I'd actually managed about six months... So I'm here to stay - for now! I hope to see you around :)
Thank you mate. I'll make it a point to journal consistently. Thanks for sharing about your journey too, all the best as you continue with it. Congratulations on day 50 now 👊🏾
 

arandomguy

Member
Day 2 - Glad to be here for day 2. Yesterday was a roller coaster. I cried for the first time in forever after a reading a comment here. That felt relieving to say the least. I texted my girlfriend too - told her what I've done the past couple of days to make sure it stops and asked to talk end of the week. Turns out she would want it much sooner 🙂, so we'll be talking this evening. Feeling much better, but it's still only just the beginning - there's a long road ahead. Looking forward to it, and praying for the strength to sustain this day by day. I feel like Frodo - trying to get this burdensome ring to destroy it in Mordor; and I'm grateful for the party here that have pledged their swords, and bows, and axes for the journey.
 

arandomguy

Member
Day 3 - Yet another day I'm grateful for. I'm starting to see small bits of how helpful journalling is. Today's will be brief. I plan to spend a lot more time today reading other's journals and seeing the different journeys we're all on.
My convo with my lady yesterday didn't go as well as I'd have expected, but still grateful it happened. We'll take more time to think and adjust and reflect, and I'm hoping to make the best use of it.
 

arandomguy

Member
Day 4 - Okay. It hasn't really been tough so far because it's still too soon, but trying to build the discipline to do this no matter what. I know tough days are coming, and reading through some journals on here helped me see how that journey is for other guys. I'll keep doing that; def insightful, and sometimes entertaining 😅
 

FiveFortyFour

Active Member
Good that you already know the road gets a little rougher from here. Good news is that it does come with a few highs and a seed of a new sense of peace. Keep the faith; you'll see this thing through to the end.
 

arandomguy

Member
Day 5 - today was/is hard. Felt really weak in some moments despite the fact that I was up and about the whole day. I think being busy definitely helped. Determined to see it off until the end of the day and really hoping tomorrow won't be as tough. Quickly shutting down any thoughts and triggers today has been the order of the day. Onwards we march.
 

arandomguy

Member
Good that you already know the road gets a little rougher from here. Good news is that it does come with a few highs and a seed of a new sense of peace. Keep the faith; you'll see this thing through to the end.
Thanks! Can't wait for the highs and that peacefulness.
 

FiveFortyFour

Active Member
Keep at it, man. You're brushing up against a point where (current streak aside) I usually break down and relapse. I don't say that to discourage you, but to prepare you. Gird your loins and take up the shield of faith. You will win.
 

arandomguy

Member
Day 6(8) - I'll be adjusting days to match the last time I watched rather than when I started journalling. Today was amazing. Yesterday we made up with my girl and today we went out for what seemed the first time in ages although it had only been a week. It's pretty blissful, like it always is with her even after a major issue. Super grateful for her and for God's providences. More than a week clean now and we soldier on.
 

arandomguy

Member
Day 10 - holding fort. Lewd thoughts are making their way into my mind a lot more frequently, which I expect by this time. Trying to keep my guard up and fend them off. God has been gracious thus far; it hasn't been as tough as it usually is by around this time.
 

arandomguy

Member
Day 11 - rushed here because it's quite hard today. Mainly because I have a trigger I can't escape as it's part of something I need to study. Taking breaks in between and hoping this won't have to go on for long.
 
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