Day 1- Starting off this journey today. Not one to journal consistently. I have no idea how I'll be able to keep this up; but this is rock bottom. My girlfriend called quits after finding out I'd lied to her about my progress in quitting. It was 7 months to our wedding. It's shameful - I haven't even told any of my buddies and not planning to. Thankfully, she agreed to give me time to convince her of what will change and why she should trust me. I don't want to lose her, so I'll do everything I can. But I've tried so many times before so it feels a bit hopeless. But a bit hopeful still so I'm grateful for that. I'm doing this for myself too though - and for the God I believe in too - but I've failed him so many times that I don't want to tell myself that now.