Taking the High Road

C

CovertReforge

Member
Having a few go-to actions when you're bored might help. Breathing exercises, stretching, or walking can be pretty helpful. If you know how to play an instrument, that's a great way to pass time if you're bored or dealing with a more intense urge.
 
sho0fl

sho0fl

Active Member
Thanks for the replies and support guys, appreciate it!

I do have a lot of things to do. I'm trying to fix my daily routines so that I can target things I want to be good at and expand on. For example, reading, doing yoga exercises on an hourly basis and others.

I really enjoyed studying back, even a couple of months ago. Now this is not the case.

While my brain is wondering where to get dopamine from I got back to some of my old habits, like checking the fridge for food and other compulsive actions. I have the knowledge now, so I know what's happening. I'm not returning back to eating junk food, I mean I've cleaned this from my system for over 3 years now. And I was comparing this to P, a lot of similarities.

I've also tried playing video games, something that way back 5 or 7 years ago was interesting, now it's not.

So, when I realized that it's just a disorder to get some dopamine out of I started laughing, like physically, really, laughing out loud at it. Until you realize what things your brain is hooked on you tend to be 'enslaved' to them. Be it anything else other than P - junk food, video games, smoking, drinking and the other plethora of addictions.

I was thinking about me fixing my eating habits and all the benefits I've reaped from removing junk food. And the process of it, how can it be applied to P. In short - you just don't do it. I can't remember what was to crave some sugar, but I definitely remember what I was eating all the time a while ago.

And I didn't count days back then, I just stopped eating junk stuff. I'm thinking of applying this here as well.

So, while writing this I'm on the 26th day being clean, or 72nd since I knowingly started doing this with 2 relapses. I won't be counting days anymore, instead I'll just focus on cleaning this out of my system.

Boredom is still around, but I got a lot of things to do to improve myself. I've set my goals clear and I'm working towards them each day. Be it Gym, socializing and expanding on my career.

I'll try to update less frequently as I also don't see much benefit in just writing 'today was boring', I guess it will be boring unless I make it interesting. I'll try to update once weekly and include anything 'major' that might've happened.

And I'll be damned if it's P that makes it interesting for me. If you're read my journal I was thinking about P that enticed me a couple of weeks ago and felt nothing. I've been thinking 2 or 3 times after that about P as well - no buzzes, not being interesting or anything. I find it boring as well, but I know I should stay away. I'm not as stupid as to think I've won this, neither to think I'm invulnerable to fail.

So, work on my goals and if the world should burn let it burn, but I should always have my tea.
 
sho0fl

sho0fl

Active Member
Haven't updated in a while, but not much to update. I think it's a month that I've been clean, I don't feel much different but who knows...

I've been grinding self-improvement stuff and trying to deal with the boredom. Even the boredom is becoming meh

I've been majorly trying to improve my posture and for the entire week I've been trying out routines and exercises for this. I'm seeing progress, even after a week doing it. Feel great. I need to also improve my shoulders so that's what I'll be focusing on next.

All else is good, gym, work, reading.

Take care guys
 
sho0fl

sho0fl

Active Member
Hey guys,

I haven't updated in a while and I don't think there's much going on, just grinding - work, gym, posture, trying to improve gait as well.

I've had my frenulum problem fixed, which is great. I'm guessing I won't be having sex in the next 3-4-5 months, so I'll be chilling for now.

I've read analyses on major works like the Iliad, Odyssey, Aeneid and read most of the Greek Myths. Will be re-iterating them this week.

Keep going I guess.
 
sho0fl

sho0fl

Active Member
Not much to update now as well. I've found out that watching sitcoms is a nice killer for any urges.

Been grinding the rest and resumed some studies I had.

I've also read most of the Greek Myths.

Not much urges apart from that.

The flatline is still continuing as well, idk what day it is but I don't think it matters now.
 
sho0fl

sho0fl

Active Member
Been going good these days.

Work is boring, studying is boring as well, exhausting even. But I'm pushing through. Flatline is here, I've had no O for idk, maybe month and a half now, and I don't seem to find the need for it.

I haven't had any urges, for maybe the past 3 weeks (at leas that I can think of now). I am questioning why I was even watching P to begin with nowadays. Not to get too confident and fall for a trap but that's how I feel.

With this being said, I've been grinding gym, resumed some studies that I had paused while reading about P (pretty much paused them when I signed up here), and trying to improve my posture. Posture takes time.

Also trying to deal with my frenulum problem and since I got it resolved I feel great. I've queued some therapies for my acne scars this month that I'm hopeful about.

Overall I'm only seeing progress in myself since I started this battle. This does not go without saying that I'm working for it, but it does add to the fact that I'm getting the time to invest into this work. If I was still hooked into the cycle I would not have done this. Next thing that comes to mind is, hmm, how much did P take away from me then. Painful question this one, but can't do anything about it, other than kick its ass.

That being said, a cute girl at the gym asked me out for a coffee which boosted my confidence x100 :D. Nothing happened out of it, but it felt great. I'm giving myself the time to further expand on myself, then I'll try to improve my social skills and try not to be too frightened by such events, take the initiative even.

I really hope that this brings hope to others as well, fighting this sh*t isn't easy, but nothing worth fighting is. Stay strong people ❤️
 
sho0fl

sho0fl

Active Member
Not much going on this week, two minor things probably:

1st - I got slightly mad at myself when I thought how much this has taken from me (after my last post)

2nd - Feeling kinda good that I haven't done any PMO ing for quite some time. I intend on keeping this and socializing with friends and colleagues really helps. If anything of concern happens I turn to watching sitcoms instead

Cheers
 
sho0fl

sho0fl

Active Member
Haven't updated the weekend, was busy with friends. Unfortunately I watched some P material while with a friend showing off some things on their phone and then spent some hours looking through old P content.

Apart from that, it is going great, that was 3 days ago and honestly I think that it is a good thing that it happened. My usual mindset would include doom and gloom thoughts like "Oh no, there goes your streak, now everything will burn, you're dead, nothing will ever be good for you, etc...", but I am more like "Hmm, that was unexpected, it thought me a lesson", and I continue fighting this. The lesson I think is that I am still susceptible to this addiction, and I honestly think that it will stay for the entirety of my life. But my brain is in a much better place now, with around two months (or 3, with, well now 3 relapses) I am not at all interested in P and don't seem to have many triggers anymore. The old triggers have died out, well at least those that I can remember.

Also, I didn't do any MO, just watched P, which really speaks how bad of an addiction this is, there's absolutely no practical use to just watch it apart from the brain wanting its cravings.

On the other side, the flatline is still going strong, with the slight change of having a much better morning wood. I've said to myself that I'll do this hardcore mode for another 4 months and then start dating.

Anyway, a note about things that have really helped me - I try to be better than my yesterday self, I'm regular at the Gym, studying, and reading a ton of stuff, I am going to re-do my entire wardrobe this month. I've queued up a couple of additional 'beauty' procedures for my face. Honestly, I don't even think I have the time to watch P anymore

To anyone who reads and is struggling, remember that this is not a linear process. I've made a couple of mistakes at the start thinking that I will say "it starts now" and I won't have any issues. Accepting failures, fixing your mistakes and coming back stronger is what will get you through, not an ideal of a perfect reboot, which doesn't exist, and dark thoughts on any of your shortcomings

Cheers guys <3
 
sho0fl

sho0fl

Active Member
Hey guys, I haven't posted in a while, all's going fine though.

I've been focused on a lot of other things that I basically forgot I am trying kick this. Was kind of wondering if I should update again but here I am.

In regards to progression on this I've noticed I have stronger morning woods and that they're persistent, every morning I would wake up with them. I haven't had an O for a long time now. The flatline is somewhat present, but I am getting more aroused around women, which should start to feel natural I imagine.

What's more interesting I find that focusing yourself on things that are not related to P/M/O is 'the cure'. I've improved drastically on several other areas, mainly my work, trying to improve my posture and I had time and energy to invest myself into self care (aesthetically and mentally). Don't think that would've been possible when on PMO.

That is to say not all's good, there's stress here and there, there's boredom (all the time), but it is what it is.

In short I think I'm beginning to realize what it is to resurface from this "brain fog", a sickness (if you will) of the mind and how it feels to rely on other things for dealing with your problems, rather than using P for escapism from reality, just to have the same issue come at you at a later point, not having being dealt with.

My personal experience dictates two months (3 if you count the initial relapse at the end of the 1st month) with a couple of relapses.

From my experience I would say that a positive mind set is what's getting me through. Sure, I've stumbled a couple of times (maybe I will in the future as well), but I've moved away from the vision of a 'perfect' reboot. Instead, I've decided to be honest with myself, introspect on my relapses and figure how to deal with them. Thinking about myself positively, focusing on all the things I consider good about myself when in a bad situation is really helping. It might be a crutch and there might be better defense mechanisms, but this one seems to work for me.

Also, having your mind focused on more important things is really making me forget about all that P.

For anyone who's reading, hopefully this helps, think positively about yourself.

Cheers ❤️
 
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